Dec 28, 2004 - 9:03 am
Hi all~ Thanks so much for all of your input. There is nothing like getting advice and words of encouragement from those who have walked the walk.
Last night the pains and nausea were so bad that I just said, "That's it." I was told this 5 FU/ leuko is supposed to be well tolerated. I have so many side effects I can't possibly list them all unless I carry a list in my pocket and write them down as they come. I was told that the effects would NOT be cumulative... mine definitely are. This round is so much worse than the last. I can only imagine what the next round will be like.
I have tons of help at home. My hubby has been carrying the load for 8 months now. When I told him my decision last night he supported me. He didn't even have the look in his eye that he gave me after the first treatment when I said I wasn't going back. Then his mouth said, "It is your body...." but his eyes said, "Like hell!" This time he just gave me a big hug and kiss and said I will support you 100%.
I don't know if I am making the right decision. Time will only tell. My instincts tell me this is right for me. I am at peace where as before I felt I had this big heavy load hanging over my head. I would have liked to have finished so I could have "checked all the blocks" but this time I can't. And sometimes, "checking all the blocks" isn't the best thing to do.
Cancer is scary. Its natural to want to do everything in your power to fight it. If someone could guarantee that it wouldn't come back if I did the last two treatments, I would try my best to get through it. (Even though I know in my heart I will land in the hospital if I do). But this whole thing is one big crap shoot. I have to put my faith in myself and the higher powers that be and move on.
I will of course keep everyone posted. I can't live without this site. It has been such a tremendous help!!!