Dec 15, 2004 - 7:19 pm
Hi all, Hope everyone is doing well. Well I had the appts with my surgeon and neurologist today. I'm so tired of being full of doom and gloom. I know everyone gets tired of me. Heck, I'm even tired of me. The surgeon did the cautering on my butt again. It's still bleeding some, but better than it was. I don't go back to him until the 29th of this month, so no chemo yet. Still not healed enough. Well, the neurologist blew me away. He had all my tests that I'd had done. He says that I have had a stroke. That is causing the dizziness and numbness in my left heel. He says I also have weakness on my right side. I didn't even know that. He said I probably had it during one of my surgeries. He also said I have positional vertigo. And that I have a disease of the nerves that is causing my foot to be numb too. He's scheduling me for an MRI of my brain(to rule out cancer mets and check for damage of stroke)and an MRI of lumbosacral spine(whatever that is) and he's also putting me in physical therapy(when I'll have time for that, I don't know) and he will be putting a brace on my left ankle. This is terrible to say, but I feel like just ending it all, before all of this takes me. Selfish I know. Crazy maybe. I'm sorry to put this on all you nice people. I feel like just going away and never coming back. I'm sorry I posted this, but I guess I needed to get some feelings out. Love you guys, but don't ever know how you could love something as #$@&%# as I am.