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holiday blues

juliababy
Posts: 130
Joined: Sep 2004

hi guys, hope everyone had a wonderful turkey day.

Besides having a wonderful dinner yesterday with my beautiful family, my hubby and I, along with my 3 year old little girl, decorated the christmas tree. I was totally taken by surprise at how emotional I was all day long. I burst into tears a few times while decorating the tree. It's been a trying few months since my dad's stage 3 colon cancer diagnosis (july 04) and it's really taking an emotinal toll on me, but I find myself extremely emotional these days, with the holidays here. I also know it's because his 6 month scans are coming up and I'm nervous as anything. Anyway, I know I'm just ranting, but I guess I just wanted someone to talk to. Once again, these holidays are making me feel very vulnerable. I just hope and pray my daddy will be here for many many more holidays.

susana

gabor
Posts: 25
Joined: Jul 2004

I read these posts often but don't normally write. Your message really hit home for me and I just wanted to share some thoughts with you. Enjoy EVERY single day with your dad to the fullest. Create as many memories as possible. Take videos and pictures and go places with him when he is feeling good. I know how hard it is to worry and wonder what the future will bring. But I learned that it is more important to use your energy to 'live', 'love' and 'laugh'.
I lost my dad this past Saturday to stage IV. We missed him terribly yesterday. Like you I worried every day about my dad and if we would have another holiday together. But the truth is, the worrying doesn't change God's plan. Make each day with your dad more special than the last and stay positive. Enjoy your dad this holiday season and don't let anything stand in the way--most importantly your fears. Remember that so many people have been cured and will live a full life.
We thought my dad would be here this Thanksgiving, but God had a different plan. As painful as this week has been, I am grateful that I could share Thanksgiving with with my mom, sisters and my children, but most of all my husband who was diagnosed in May 2004 with Stage III. When I am feeling as you are (and I know I will) I will remember my dad's courage and incredible determination to beat this monster. His willpower and strength will remind me to be more patient with my husband (who doesn't always follow the doctor's orders, ugh!) and to tell him I love him every day--because I still can...
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wish you all a blessed Christmas season and a happy and healthy new year.
Linda

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hiya Susana. I really think that it is you guys--the family and carers that have it sooo hard!!! I am due for blood tests on wednesday then scans and it is always this time when I sense that Jen(my lovely wife) is really trying hard to help me keep positive. I notice a change in the way she reacts to me. Mostly Ia think because I get a bit agro--not with her but otherthings that happen around us. The outcomes of these tests etc. all hing on something we are unable to control Susana and I am sure your dad feels like me. You just have to tough it out sweetie and be there for your dad, all the time knowing he is probably as scared as you are. My dad passed away when I was 13 and always treasure our time together. Your time NOW is important to him. Btw--if you get emotional in front of him--don't feel bad--he knows it is hard on you--no-one should ever hold back emotions from a patient. Your dad will understand that your emotional state is only an overwhelming love for him.
Hang in there Susana, no matter what prevails savour every moment with your dad.
luv n huggs, kanga n Jen

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hullo Linda. So sincerely sad that your dad has lost his fight. Even tho I lost my dad 35years ago I never forget him. Itry to think about all the good times we had. Now you need to concentrate all your energies into helping your hubby fight this horrid thing. Make sure you take your own advice(to Susana)-----savour every moment you can with your hubby. Put aside the trivial things in life and make every minute count.
It is good to meet you here. What a wonderfull family we have Linda. Do post more often and keep us updated on your hubbies progress. Any support you can get is beneficial to you both.
luv n huggs--kanga n Jen

JKendall
Posts: 186
Joined: Nov 2004

Hi Susana. Glad you had a good Thanksgiving yesterday with your family.

I can relate to your situation. My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 at the end of October this year. I've always been a very private guy, always showing the "poker face" and acting like nothing's wrong. Since my wife's diagnosis I've had the emotional tolls like you have.

After 27 years of being the quiet man, I've found that sharing those emotions with my wife have helped us both. We are getting closer than we've been in YEARS, and I feel closer to her than I have in a long time. Same with our kids.

Use the emotions to your benefit and share everything with your dad and family. Remember you guys can also laugh till you cry too.

Take care...

Jimmy

jsabol's picture
jsabol
Posts: 1156
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Susana (and Linda),
I understand completely the range of emotions that you are going through. Today I went to a quickly planned wedding of my cousin and the girlfriend he has had for 3 years, having lost his wife to an anurysum 6 years ago. He nearly died following "minor" surgery for sleep apnea, and awoke in ICU to say to his then girlfriend "Life is too short; let's get married!".
I am currently 1 year post surgery for my own colon cancer, and lost my dad 4 years ago this coming December to recurrent colon cancer. Thanksgiving was the last holiday that my family of origen spent together. The strength he showed while facing his own decline was inspirational. I treasure the memories, and find myself feeling EXTREMELY emotional at this time of year. Like Jimmy, I find myself amazed at how much closer my husband and I feel because of facing my own illness together.
As my cousin said, life is short. Looking out at the sunset over Boston harbor this late afternoon, I felt truly blessed. Hoping we can all continue to treasure the moments that life gives us. Judy

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Susana, I can relate to the emotional turmoil going on. I'm going through it too. My husband and I have learned to treasure each moment though. Also my son and daughter and grandkids are closer to me. I think we take the time we have for granted before cancer enters the picture. I'm not glad for the cancer, but I am glad for the difference it's made in mine and my families lifes. And God, has been there through it all.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Susana -

Try not to feel afraid, worried, vulnurable. Always remember this: No matter what happens to us, it's going to happen. We cannot control the length of our lives, just the depth. Don't let worry and doubt make your life and/or the lives of those around you any less deep.

I bought a CD/Book that I found to be incredibly profound for several of my friends. The title of the Book and song is somewhat ominous, but the words and thoughts they contain are incredibly inspirational and I think EVERYONE should listen to them - survivor's or not. It's called "Live Like You Were Dying". I believe Tim McGraw tool a CMA award this year for the song. It is published by Rutledge Hill Press (www.rutledgehillpress.com) and is available in Borders and other retailers nationwide.

I strongly recommend you pick it up and take a listen. I know it really captured my own personal philosophy about this journey of life.

Have a WONDERFUL, worry-free Yuletide season - enjoy it, let it take your breath away. LIVE it.

- Sponge Bob

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