Jhope? Trying to keep it

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jhope
jhope Member Posts: 58
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am 9 months finished with 6 months of chemo (@ 2 weeks), 2 months radiation, 2 surgies, yadda yadda. No one wants to hear about it anymore? It's done with. Except my 3 month cat scans don't let me forget easily, still tired, can't seem to get my feet under me. I guess I concentrated so much on just reaching to be finished with treatment, I feel almost devasted now. Sorry this is so sad, I really thought I was cried out. Thanks for listening, Julia

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  • lindatn
    lindatn Member Posts: 229
    #2
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    There are many excellent posts concerning how we all feel after treatment. What you are feeling is normal if there is such a thing after what we all have gone through. I am two years since the last radiation treatment and still feel tired more often then I like. Often I think it is depression as I know my life will never be the same. Some people feel cancer has made them enjoy life more and has made them happier. I really don't buy into that story but on the other hand I am very glad to be alive and enjoying life much as it was before cancer. Eveytime it is check up time we all have a few bad days until it is over. Every pain that won't go away is very stressful and if you are on tamoxifen or any of it cousins there is extra pain and mood swings. Try to do something just for yourself this week-end. Saying a prayer for you that you will Get your feet under you and this was just a bad day. God Bless Linda
  • epgnyc
    epgnyc Member Posts: 137
    #3
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    Oh Julia, I remember feeling exactly like you're feeling now. I'd gone through 3 surgeries, 6 months of chemo and 2 months of radiation and thought I'd feel so happy to be finished - and I was shocked when I didn't. I think we get so focused on just getting through the grueling treatments that we don't even allow ourselves to fully feel how scared, sick, tired, anxious and sad we really are....until it's all over with. Once we can let our guard down, then it's WHAM - it all hits! The aftermath is very "challenging," but it really does get better. I'm a year and half past the end of my treatments and now I'm feeling great both emotionally and physically. So try to be kind to yourself through this difficult stage. You've been through so much and it takes a little time to build yourself back up. Good luck to you.
  • wimpy
    wimpy Member Posts: 58
    #4
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    Hi

    I don't tell many people but some days I wake up and feel down for no reason in particular. The next day I wake up and everything is fine and I don't feel depressed. I am not sure of the cause but I believe the treatment we have undergone or are undergoing leaves us really emotionally labile. I have had professionals assure me I am not depressed but I still have unpredictable bad days. I have found that it helps to tell myself that some of this is just symptoms and is not a sign that I am weak or not as positive as my fellow sufferers. Sadly, it is true that as soon as you look well the rest of the world expects you to go back to "normal". I finally realized that my current normal is not my old normal and stopped beating myself up for not being what others expect. Now I rest when I need to and meet my own expectations not others. Since I took this stance I have felt better and my energy has increased. I think that as cancer survivors we buy into trying to be as others expect us to be when our bodies are still undergoing convalesence (sp?). My advice is progress at your rate of healing and ignore the always present expectations that you should be doing better. Rest, relax, give your body a chance to heal.
  • marysun
    marysun Member Posts: 39 Member
    #5
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    I am 1yr 6mos out of treatment and wonder if I will ever feel confident again. Most days are good -- very good. But then there is the day when I cry at a song on the radio, or my arm hurts for no reason, or the 3 am hot flash has me tossing and turning in bed for 2 hours trying to solve the problems of the world (or just my own). My dr put me on antidepressants for a while, but I didn't like the flat line feeling. So I decided if I am having a cry day, I need to just go cry and get it out of me. I have used many excuses -- got to take the dog to the vet, must keep an appointment with the bank officer, my car needs an oil change -- anything to get me gone for an hour or two and let me just boohoo till I am back to my jolly self. There is nothing like a good cry to clear your senses. Mine don't come as often as they used to, but I let myself succumb to the tears and let them wash me. You need not apologize for having these feelings. No one knows like we do. (((hugs)))
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #6
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    I remember exactly how disappointing it was to be so debilitated at precisely the point you have reached. What worked best for me was pretending that I could do all of the things that I really was not strong enough to do. It carried me through those weeks. In time, I noticed signs of improvement, and then paid closer attention to pick up on noticeable changes. Now I have days when I am stronger than I was for quite a while even before surgeries, chemo and radiation. However, there are days when the air pressure or temperature/humidity index or something takes the wind right out of my sails. I guess the analogy to a journey is reasonable. Some rough parts, some great parts, mostly normal on a day to day basis now. Try to tune in to the little improvements you see in stamina or range.
    Hugs,
    Denise
  • jhope
    jhope Member Posts: 58
    #7
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    DeeNY711 said:

    I remember exactly how disappointing it was to be so debilitated at precisely the point you have reached. What worked best for me was pretending that I could do all of the things that I really was not strong enough to do. It carried me through those weeks. In time, I noticed signs of improvement, and then paid closer attention to pick up on noticeable changes. Now I have days when I am stronger than I was for quite a while even before surgeries, chemo and radiation. However, there are days when the air pressure or temperature/humidity index or something takes the wind right out of my sails. I guess the analogy to a journey is reasonable. Some rough parts, some great parts, mostly normal on a day to day basis now. Try to tune in to the little improvements you see in stamina or range.
    Hugs,
    Denise

    Thank you so much for letting me know I'm not alone or crazy. I really love you all, Julia

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