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grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

hi all, Haven't posted this week because I am so frustrated. Was really looking forward to having the test tomorrow to check my bladder, but they called and rescheduled it for Dec 2nd. So...I guess I'll deal with this longer. I was in ER all last night. Cathether stopped up again and had to be back at hospital at 7am for tests. Don't know any of those results yet. Also, my husband is starting to get depressed over not having a job. I just wish he would go on the road driving, so I wouldn't feel so guilty. I feel like a bother right now. If it wasn't for me, he would have a better life. Sorry guys, just bummed right now. Love ya all still. Just feel like crawling in a hole.
Love and prayers, judy(grandma047)

steved
Posts: 836
Joined: Apr 2004

Your feelings of hopelessness over your situation are very understandable considering all you have been through lately. There is little I can say to make things any different other than that many others (including those on this site) have been through periods very simialr to yourself. in time it does pass and life can again settle into its more normal routine. Yor husband signed up 'for better or for worse' just as you did and just as you would be there for him if he was ill he is there for you. He would NOT be better off without you.
Keep fighting and know that things can only get better.
Steve.

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Judy -

I agree with Steve. Now, please don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered seeing a counselor to help you address all of these new and stressful situations and feelings you've been experiencing? Even if it's just a support group (many available through ACS, listed here and in the monthly newsletter). We're a fun bunch of folks and ALWAYS here to listen and dole out the free advice, but we're not professionals (well, some of us are - sorry, Steve), and - most importantly - a cyber hug or cyber rainbow fom Kanga and Jen, altough sweet, doesn't have the same physiological effect as the real thing from someone who is walking a path similar to yours. We're all here to give you strength and help buoy you up, but it isn't the same as a group of real people. Nor can we talk to you one on one as a real professional (even Steve can't do that here) and determine if maybe some anti-depressives would help for a while.

Judy, don't leve us behind, but try the group thing. It's usually free (well, except for the coffee and DON't eat the donuts, Emily will have a cow) and folks can "get real with you" (as Dr. Phil would say) one on one. And if you're depressed (and I don't see why you shouldn't be considering all that you're going through) maybe the doc leading the group could help you out with some meds to help you feel better about everything.

The MOST important thing to remember is this: Your husband would NOT be better off without you. He loves you early and wants to be there to help you because he does love you. If he felt he'd have a better life without you, he'd do what my ex did and bail on you. Period.

We all love you Judy and want nothing but the best for you. We're always here for you AND your husband. Maybe becoming a semi-colon or going to a caregiver's group would help him, too. Just food for though and free advice (which, in my case, is usually worth what you pay for it)

Hang in the Judy, some good news is coming - I just know it is!

Love ya!

- Sponge

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Sponge- I do see a therapist about every 3 weeks. Have been for a while. I do take antidepressants too. I am bipolar, so I've been on them for a while. i know you guys love me and you've stood by me for a long time, but I feel like I'm a bother here too. I'll try not to whine so much in the future. Sorry for being a pain. Love ya guys
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Judy -

See my reply at your most recent posting. You are not a pain. Perhaps you should consider (a) a group, (b) increasing the frequency of your visits to your therapist - at least until you get over this hill, (c) maybe you've plateaued on your meds and should consider a change - especially in light of the many significant new stressors you're dealing with.

Finally, since you know you're bi-polar, you should understand that you will encounter peaks and valleys. You can't stay status quo 24x7. Accept that you are in a valley and that means you are moving toward a peak. We're ALWAYS here for you. We don't judge you, we don't find you to be a bother, we expect that folks will feel like they can come here and vent (whining is for girls)

We love ya, Judy.

- SB

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi Judy,

You have been through so much and I am so sorry that this is so frustrating and difficult. I cannot add to what Steve and Bob have said so well. You know the semi-colons will always be here for you in your cyber-space, but perhaps you need more one on one contact right now to help you over these bumps.

Please know that you continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Let us know how everything goes.

Fondly,

Kerry

shubunkin
Posts: 60
Joined: Aug 2003

Hello Judy, my name is Danielle. I come on here and read often to keep up with all of you. I have posted before but it has been a while. I do not have the words of wisdom like so many of these wonderful people on here do as I have never had colon cancer. But my mom did, and she died at the age of 46 2 1/2 years ago. The one thing I wanted to say is that I never thought that I would think that another person would have as much strength and hope as my mom did but now I do,you do! I read your post with tears in my eyes as you seem to hit one dissapointment afetr another and I wonder how you find the strength to go on but you do. I just want to say that you are in my prayers and heart as you battle this and I wish you all the best! Danielle

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Ahoy, Danielle! How ya doin' stranger?

shubunkin
Posts: 60
Joined: Aug 2003

Hey Sponge! I am doing good. 4 1/2 months pregno now. I get to find out first of December what it is. Fingers crossed girl! If it is I am naming her Heidi after my mom. Not a very common name for us southern folks but hey..... mom was born in Austria so I guess that explains it!

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Congratulations Danielle on your pregnancy. Keep us informed.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Oh yeah, Danielle, Congratulations on your pregnancy. Keep us informed.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Danielle -

Speaking as one wo is currently living in Mississippi, I think Heidi is a beautiful name! And what a wonderful tribute to your mom.

- SB

grandma047's picture
grandma047
Posts: 381
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Danielle, Thanks for your message. It made me cry. I don't feel very strong right now, even though my family says I am. Thanks for caring.
Love and prayers, Judy(grandma047)

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Judy--sorry I am late--bin awaol again. Have posted to your next post.
Hullo Danielle---welcome
Sorry to hear about your mum Danielle--lost mine 5 years ago to a brain tumour--just remember that "she" is always with you sweetie.
Kindest regards, kanga and Jen from OZ

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