Sep 25, 2004 - 6:14 am
My mom was diagnosed April 2003 with stage 4 laryngeal cancer. She had a long hospitalization after her laryngectomy with several complications. After 3 months in the hospital she went to rehab...then radiation began. I guess for me, I have a lot of mixed emotions. Not only dealing with the idea that I may loose my mother but anger and frustration. Anger on the part that "Why is this happening to me" bit and the fact I totally focus a great majority of time to caregiving. I was married for a little over a year when she was diagnosed and for a good portion of a year after her diagnosis I would only see my husband in passing three times a week for about 15 minutes. I want to start a family, but feel guilty because I don't want it to distract my attention from my mother... I get angry with my siblings because they haven't taken responsibilty in helping with her care (except one, on the days I work) And then when I do have a family member help out and I am spending time with my husband, I can't relax and let it go...she's always on my mind... I also get angry with the fact that family and friends were around the first month or so after she was diagnosed and have disappeared...no calls...no encouragement...
At least I have these precious moments to share with my mother that I'll always cherish. But it's hard to get through it at times.
Is it normal to have these feelings? Just need some reassurance.