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Very Sad

andreae
Posts: 238
Joined: Sep 2003

I just got off the phone with my best-friend who let me know that my inspiration has died. I met Sophie when I was initially diagnosed. She had had metastatic breast cancer for 2 and 1/2 years at the time. She was only 33 years old and had been diagnosed when she was 7 months pregnant. She died yesterday. Thank god it was quick and painless. I'm just so unbelievably sad. I knew the end was coming and I didn't know how I was going to react. I have just heard so many heart-breaking tales since I have entered this realm I thought I couldn't cry anymore. Apparently, I can. I am so sad. I hate this disease. She was such a wonderful, brave person. She was really the one who showed me that I could live with this disease. But I am so scared. It really brings home the fact that I have metastatic disease too. The bottomline is that I don't want to die. Not yet. I'm too young and I want to do so much. Thank you for letting vent. I don't want to call my friends crying and I'm home alone and needed to express.

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Andrea, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could be right there for you and hold you. This is such a terrible disease. I also, lost a friend, last week to ovarian cancer.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but right now nothing is going to sound right.

In time, the hurt will lessen. In time, the wonderful memories of your friend will out number the pains in your heart. In time, you'll come to terms with this horrible loss. But for now, let yourself mourn. It is very important and healing. Remember that she is no longer in any pain or suffering. She is at peace. It is those left behind that ache for her.

You are you, not your lovely friend. You have to fight your fight and beat this monster. And you will. We are all here to help any way we can. We are in the same boat and understand. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime you need or want to. nbamerc@optonline.net

Again, I am so sorry. God bless you, your friend and all her family and friends.

All my love, Barb

juliababy
Posts: 130
Joined: Aug 2004

Andrea, I am so very very sorry for your loss. I too have lost close friends to this devasting disease and now it has even hit closer to home with my daddy being diagnosed with stage 3 colon ca this past July. I don't really know what to say as I sit here and cry as I type this, b/c I know everything I say will probably not matter right now, but just know that we are all here for you and I know this may sound harsh, but that was your friend that passed on, not you. You must do everything, including think positive to beat this monster and YOU WILL. Just keep fighting and believing in yourself and vent to us as much as you need b/c that's what we are here for. Take care and please chin up, you will BEAT THIS MONSTER.

susana

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Andreae,

I am so sorry for your loss. For nine months the infusion room was my home away from home, and I have sadly attended six funerals in the last six months for my dear chemo friends.

My "healthy" friends all thought that it was not "healthy" for me to get so attached to other patients. I beg to differ.

A husband of a breast cancer friend that I met during chemo called me in June and said that his wife wanted to see me. Hospice had been called in as there were no longer any treatment options available for her. I guess we both needed some closure. It was a difficult visit and one that I will never forget.

I am sorry that you are home alone. If I knew your phone number, I would call you. It's OK to feel so sad.

You have been through so much in the last months but you have the spirit and the spunk to survive. You are in my prayers along with the loved ones of your friend.

Much love,

Kay

pjenks57's picture
pjenks57
Posts: 112
Joined: Nov 2003

I too hurt for you and with you. This disease is so very unforgiving. But it is this place that we have together that I thank God for everyday. What a wonderful, warm, thoughtful and loving place to go to vent. Your friend is positively in a much much better place. No matter what we say right now your pain is still there but remember, we are all here for you. You can and WILL survive and will someday see and be with all of the ones who have already gone to that wonderful place. DITTO to all who have replied and thank YOU for being here and venting and talking with us.
God Bless you and yours.

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Andrea -

I'm going to take a different tack than my friends here. I'm going to ask you why you're sad. You said yourself that Sophie is your inspiration. You said that your inspiration has died. I challenge you that your "inspiration" has not died. You will remember Sophie and her brave fight against this dragon. You will remember her joy in living, her positive outlook, the way she loved her friends and the way she lived every day. That is your inspiration. That lives on. You carry Sophie's inspiration in your heart and live it each day in your life. You have spread that same inspiration like a "Sophie Seed" to the rest of us here and everywhere you go. Sophie lives on through you and your fight.

A fight that you are turning the corner on. "Remission". A fight that her spirit in you is helping you win.

Everything happens for a reason in this life, Andrea. Sophie came into your life to share her spirit and serve as an inspiration to you. You will no doubt miss your friend - I have many friends that I miss, too - but she will live on with you in your fond memories of her and, most importantly, in the inspirational lessons of living that she taught you that you put to use every day. And her presence here continues to grow with each and every person you contact and share that inspiration with. It's OK to be sad, but also be joyful that she touched your life in such a magical, healing way. Carry on her legacy and hold her close in your heart. She's with you always.

- Bob

livin
Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Andreae, I am sorry for your loss. I understand your pain and sorrow but Sophie legacy still lives within you. You have brought great inspiration to others as she has instilled in you.I know Sophie would want you to continue your fight against this disease. I agree with you about being scared we are all affraid, but we most go on. You have a treasured gift from Sophie that can never be taken away from you, her memories the good and the bad. You are my Shero, Montiel(aka) Livin

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2084
Joined: Dec 2001

(((((((((((sweet baby girl)))))))))))

A big hug from me.

I wonder when that will happen here. Hopefully never. But reality is that we will lose a friend. I lost a sister who was my best friend in all the world. I have yet to find a replacement. She died 12 years ago and just the other morning I woke up crying from a dream I had that I was talking about her with my mom and missing her so very badly.

You shed those tears and gather up all your strength to keep going.

I have told nettie and I will tell you....a wonderful book to read is:

A CANCER BATTLE PLAN by Anne Frahm.

It should inspire you especially since you have lost your inspiration.

peace, emily who sends another hug ((((()))))

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Andrea---my mum(passed 5 years ago-cancer), my dad(when I was 13--heart failure)---both are here with me now!!!!!!
They are here hugging me, just as I am there hugging YOU!!!!!!
The energy in my heart and spiritually is crossing the ocean to be with you sweetie.
I know Sophie is with you and always will be. Be comforted to know that one day in the "distant" future you will be with your friend.
BUT---that day will come to all of us eventually. Love of our friends and family holds us here and the stronger we are, the more faith we have, the longer we enjoy their love.
Be sad Linda--but also try to see the joy that you have in you for being fotunate to have known Sophie.
(((((((((((((((((((((LINDA))))))))))))))))
luv kanga n Jen

Lisa Rose's picture
Lisa Rose
Posts: 589
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Andreae,

Like the rest of the group I also just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about the loss of your friend Sophie. Now is the time to take her strength and add it to your own, your going to fight your own battle for Sophie and for yourself. She'll be watching over you Andreae and with your spirit and outlook your bound to be a winner. It's ok to "cry" but you have to pull your socks and fight on. Always remember today is a "present" tomorrow is a "gift".

Love Semi-Colon,
Lisa

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Andrea,

I am sorry to hear your news. The pain will ease with time, but her memory will forever be etched in your heart. Even with all the progress with medicine, the outcome is still very unpredictable. I don't blame you one bit for being sad. You know we all understand, probably better than the people you interact with in person. Don't let this experience cause you to lose hope for yourself.

Take care,

Stacy

cheer3's picture
cheer3
Posts: 106
Joined: May 2003

Andrea,
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and your pain.I pray God will fill your heart with happy memories of your friend.
I haven't been on for a while so I am reading lots of post to catch up. I feel such a strong bond that all of you share, how beautiful I am just one big boo hoo after reading all your replies.
Blessings
Jean

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