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Back on Chemo and Divorce Court Friday

lindamarie53
Posts: 16
Joined: Jul 2003

Hi everyone,

I need support getting through this week. My divorce has been "on hold" since I was dx with Stage IV in July 2002. Hoped that three 6 month rounds of chemo and two major surgeries were behind me in April, but cancer was still here in May. Hoping I would be NED for while I agreed that it was time to get the divorce over with, but things have changed since we came up with the terms prior to my dx. I have not been able to work, I have had many expenses that I would not have had otherwise--copays and all the hundreds of little things like better, healthier foods, nutritional supplements, IMMODIUM AD! I've been under emotional and financial pressure to sell our family home too. I want this thing over with and to be able to move on with my life as my husband already has. It hurts me that he is not very sympathetic. As soon as you hear you have cancer, everyone tells you to get rid of all the stress and negativity in your life, and I have worked very hard at that. Today it feels as if it's all crashing down on me.

Unfortunately, I have had to be back on treatment since June, and my doctor just added Xeloda to my regimin yesterday. My tumor is sitting on top of my lung and is too large to remove without much risk, and there are other questionable spots on my CT scans.

I feel discouraged and unprepared to go to the hearing on Friday. My old programming has me blaming myself for not being ready. I crave the support of a loving family, but there's no one in the area except for my children, but this is one case where it's not appropriate to lean on them, and I don't know if I'll be able to find someone to come to court with me.

Everyone is amazed at how strong and how positive I am, and I am when I'm out--I feel as if it's my duty to show people that it's possible to keep living with this disease, but this morning I'm wondering how I'm going to do this. My doctor has advised me not to try to deal with it, that the disease has complicated my life enough, but I can't stand having the divorce unsettled.

Just needed to express my feelings. Thanks for listening.

linda

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Linda, I'm here if you want to lean on me. I'll do whatever I can for you.

I can only imagine what heart ache you are going thru. I would encourage you to lean on your children. They don't have to know the details, just be there for you. A hug, a kiss, some loving does wonders for the soul.

Do the best you can on Friday. That's all we can ever ask of ourselves. This may be a good thing for you. Get it overwith and close that chapter. Of course that is easier said than done.

Are your children old enough to help you out when you need it? Maybe you can find a support group in your area? Those of us touched by this horrible disease certainly know what it feels like. Lean on whoever you can.

You are in my prayers. Try to stay strong and positive.

I wish I could help you more.

Barb

alihamilton's picture
alihamilton
Posts: 344
Joined: Jan 2004

Oh Linda, how I feel for you and all you are going through. I am so sorry that you have to deal with so much....the cancer is more than enough to cope with. It will not be easy going to court, but I agree it is worth gathering all your strength and appearing. Then indeed, you can get on with the rest of your life. I think you will actually feel relieved when Friday is over. It would be good if you could find someone to accompany you to give you support. I am sure your children want to support you too. Don't be afraid to let them know how vulnerable you are feeling. Allow them to give you some of their strength...I am sure you have done the same for them many times during their lives.

All the best. Don't give up the fight...you have made it this far.

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2600
Joined: Apr 2003

Linda -

As Winston Churcill said "If you're going through Hell, keep going."

I can certainly empathize with you. I was served my divorce papers the day after my surgery, in the hospital. That sort of set the tone for how nasty my ex would be in my divorce. And it wasn't as if I was messing around, drinking, gambling, doing drugs, being cruel, etc.

I look at it as getting rid of two cancers at once.

We're all here for you to lean on and we'll be happy to listen to you vent. I would suggest that a touch, a hug, a kind word from your kids - not getting involved, but showing mom love and kindness - would be helpful to you and nurture your relationship with them.

Anytime you want to talk, we're here.

Hang in there. You'll never be dealt a hand in life that you aren't strong enough to play (no matter how much you wish you could pass on it!)

Wishing you strength and peace

SpongeBob

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

Linda Marie,

I too went through some pretty stressful times during my illness. My husband weakened and did not think he could be a caregiver, supporter, or any of those things you would expect a spouse to be, but then something changed with him and he did an about face. I can't say I trust this change, but...............

You certainly do not need this kind of stress, but perhaps getting it over with will be the best. I wish I knew where you lived and if it were close, I would come to be with you.

Give your children the benefit of the doubt and lean on them a bit - they certainly leaned on us as they were growing up and my children have been my strength. They also grew up pretty quickly upon my diagnosis!

Take care, you will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Kerry

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Linda--I agree with the other guys--If your kids are of an understanding age I think that they will hold more comfort than you can imagine. I know that is easy to say. It really depends on their age. Mine are 2 boys, 1 girl, all over 25--but they have been incredible with their love and understanding. They do not need to know all the fine print--just that their love is there for you when you need it and that you can talk to them about your fears. All the worries that you have--you need some support. Are hospital/ clinic councellors available to you in the states? Maybe one is available to be with you friday. If you are a religious person usually ministers from local churches are willing to support in times like these.
We offer you our support and love Linda, we hope you can resolve this quickly so you can focus on your health.
luv n huggs--kanga n Jen

fedester
Posts: 734
Joined: Jul 2004

hi linda,
sorry to hear of your problems,
stay positive and get well, that is the most important thing when you think about it.
we are here for you
fedester

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Linda,

I will be thinking of you tomorrow morning. I am so sorry you are having to deal with both of these life-altering events at the same time.

I hope that you have found someone to accompany you to the hearing. You should not have to face that alone.

Please know that all of your semi-colon friends are here for you.

Wishing you well,

Kay

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