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Mom died in March-so many questions

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Anonymous (not verified)

Greetings to all surviving Caregivers.
We lost our mom to end stage liver cancer.
We kept 15 tumors at bay for 18 months and no one bothered to monitor the spine after radiation of 1 bone tumor. It ran rampid and it was down hill from there. I am so sad about having to have a silent goodbye. Our father refused to let us discuss death with mom. She would sneek and call me to talk and or nap while on the phone. He was so angry if she napped all day. She was dying. My sister and I discussed all of this with her doctors and our clergy, still no one interviened.
The day hospice enterred their home, I handed 3 notebooks to the nurse which contained quick messages from GRAMMY to my children. ie. Wedding Day, 1st baby, graduation, etc....(not in that order : ) The nurse told me that it was too late.
This should have been done months ago. "SORRY"
Mom died 10 days later. Has anyone else out there have the same final months experience. It was like a sudden death. We were not allowed to say goodbye. Weeks would go by without seeing her because he kept her from us, and or we would not know what to say since we were not allowed to discuss her dying.
I am in hopes that everyone out there's pain is numbing a bit. In hopes to hear from someone.

Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2004

I’m sorry about your mother. I can relate to how difficult it was during the last few months of my mother’s life. My mother died almost a month ago and I still have a hard time reflecting on her last few weeks in the Hospice. My mother fought for her life for so long. I guess I thought she could fight her last diagnosis. Everyone told me she was dying but I never accepted it.
I still have nightmares about her suffering. I felt so helpless. I spent everyday with my mother. I even moved in to help care for her. I never knew what to say to my mother when she was told that she was going to die as a result of her brain tumors. I begged her to keep fighting…even as she took her last breath.
I can’t think of anything more painful than losing my mother. I hate cancer and I wish I could do something to eliminate it from ever affecting another person again.
I hope you have the support of family and friends. My husband has been incredibly patient. He has helped me cope with such an incredible loss. You really have to take care of yourself. It is easy to become lost in grief.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2004

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. My mother past away in June and it is very difficult to continue on. I wish someone told me what would happen during the last month of my mother's life. My mother also went into hospice but by that time she didn't even recognize me. I cared for my mother for a year before she died and I guess I always believed that she could fight the disease.
I pray that you find peace. It is very difficult during the holiday season. I hope you have family and friends to help and support you. God bless you..

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