May 24, 2004 - 1:42 am
Today I got a major reality check. Currently dealing with my mother with a mets situation. Breast cancer 5 years ago with 3 positive nodes. All okay until St Patrick's day when Mom is diagnosed with 12 brain mets as well as pelvic mets and adrenal mets. Mom is a beautiful person who has had few heath problems excluding the breast cancer. Looking back other than flu and such has been healthy. Cancer is not new in my family, Dad died of carcinoid in October of '93. Aunt died of mets in '00. Grandfather died of cancer but was also elderly. Today I woke to the sounds of ambulance and police. Live on a quiet street with wonderful neighbors. After my kids watching the street business wanted to investigate and having my door banged upon found out that my dear neighbors son who is only 22 has expired from something possibly drug and alcohol interaction. As I sit here and grieve for my pain for my 62 year old mother I am witness to the pain of another mother dealing with the unexpected loss of her son. I cannot begin to understand what she must be feeling and find myself in the unexpected role of a concerned bystander. How awful I have felt for myself because of the impending loss of my mother whom realistically we as children expect to lose at some time or another. I find myself unglued as to the things that we can experience and utter a small prayer that although I may find my situation untenable it is far different than that of my neighbor. Grief is undefinable for most of us but for me today stands out as a reality check. I remain the mother of 2 living children and god willing will die that way. Thanks for listening and thanks to whatever powers that be that have allowed me this personal ephimnany.