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Lsauder
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2004

Hi everyone,
I thought we have our problem with prostate cancer solved about three months ago with brachytherapy, but now a spot has been found on his lung. We're do to talk to a doctor about surgery next week so I'm not sure what procedure or prognosis there is.
I'm not as far along as the rest of you, but to say I'm feel sucicidal tendencies is no an exageration. I keep wondering what kind of life I will have if the surgery does not do the job, feel angry about not having the life I wanted and the life I asked for for all these years.
I'm the new kid on the block asking for guildance and help. Selfishly I feel as if this is being done to ME, not to my spouse.
Any suggestions?

Birkner's picture
Birkner
Posts: 4
Joined: Mar 2004

Saw your message on the boards this morning on the boards when I signed on. Please email me if you want to chat about caregiver issues. Also, the chat room here on CSN often has prostate cancer survivors in the room at different times of the day who will be happy to discuss treatment, feelings and other issues with you. Take care and understand all caregivers have feelings just like yours. The key is to get as much information as you can and use a support system to get through the hard times.

layne34
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2004

the Talking Heads lyrics keep coming to mind...This is not my beautiful life...

I, too, felt somewhat suicidal. Having had a personal struggle with this in the past I saw a doctor right away. I got meds to help me sleep and better handle the days. When you are having self harming feelings, think about how that would affect your loved ones. They are already going through so much, your being dead would only deepen everyone's dispair. Find the way to make each day of value. I know these are easy words to say. I am still looking for the way to do it.

The truth is the cancer is in a way being done to both of you. My husband was diagnosied two weeks ago. It feels as though he handles the treatments and being sick and I get to handle everything else. I get angry, too. I want my "beautiful life" back. I want my husband back. There will be times we need to take care of our selves. Have others -family and friends- take over caregiving for a little while and go be shelfish for ourselves. If we aren't okay we won't beable to truely be there for our husbands.

I worked in an elementary school. I had given classes a poster that said, "You are not alone." I was back at school recently and saw the poster. I stopped and remembered who else there was. Family, friends and so many others I have yet to meet. Pepole who have been through this, people going through this. Poeple from our own pasts, presents and futures. No matter how dark it may seem, we need to remember, "You are not alone." If you would like feel free to email me.

Layne

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