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frustration or depression? Help.

kmudmop
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2004

I am a Breast Cancer survivor in my second round of chemo. I get really tired sometimes at work, and want to leave early but I cann't. My husband of 36 years decided to quit work over a year ago, and hasn't worked since. He isn't even looking. I've used all my sick time and vacation time up. and borrowed on my retirement to give us money to live on during surgery. He says he loves me and wants to be there for me, but how can I get him to realize that I need his help finaancially right now? I love the fact he goes with me to my treatments, and he takes care of me when I need it at home, but I cann't support us on a part time basis, and we have no savings left. How can I make him understand when I get upset that it's not just the chemo talking, I need help from him in other ways. If I get mad, he just shuggs it off to fear, chemo, etc. How can I get him to help. I suggested he go to a Doctor for depression, he says he will when I'm through with the treatments, as he needs to be there for me. Any ideas?

I_will_survive's picture
I_will_survive
Posts: 31
Joined: Oct 2003

Hi, just a guess, but I assume you take care of all the finances - bill paying, etc. Maybe its time to hand over the check book to him. Going thru what you are, you don't need the worry of paying the bills on top of it. If he has to, maybe he'll see that you two are in a financial bind and do something about it. You need him with you, but maybe you need him working more. As far as seeking help for depression, that's something else he should be taking care of, he can take care of you and can seek help at the same time it seems. Maybe if you calmly sit down with him and explain that you wouldn't worry so much if he did (get a job, seek help....), or that he would be helping you out more if he did ____
Just a couple of thoughts. I wish you all the best through your treatments.
Joni

If things gets to where you need financial help, check out www.komen.org - they have an 800 number you can call or www.cancercare.org and click on "finding resources"

sarapatricia
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2003

my best advice is.........talk to him clearly and make hin know how you feel, he loves you so he´ll understand honey

chiligrl's picture
chiligrl
Posts: 20
Joined: Mar 2004

I hate to sound judgmental, but he doesn't sound like much help. Maybe he needs a good nudge! Best of luck to you!!

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