Depression /no appetite & no sleep

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Onyx
Onyx Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello. Im writing because Im having some trouble with the depression part of this treatment. I have a family that is around always and Im still pretty active & was pretty positive but that's not helping. Im finding myself looking into the death aspect of this B/C. I am diagnosed with advanced B/C and Im on a clinical trial via Johns Hopkins and Im on my 2nd week of treatment and the 1st & 2nd day after my treatments I was fine and was able to eat but not anymore. I find myself forcing myself to eat, but Im more concerned about the depression! Like I mentioned above Im going to the negative areas of this disease and I can't think positive & it seems to happen at nite when I should be sleeping. I also find myself pretending in front of my family that all is good. Can anyone shed some light on this & maybe give some tips on eating/sleeping & helping with the depression part . Thanks for letting me babbel.

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  • kcbh
    kcbh Member Posts: 8
    #2
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    I understand. I feel guilty because you're going through so much more than I did. I am done, why is it hitting me now? I find it better at this point in my life to not share w/ my family & friends. They are ready to move on or never could deal with everything. I have been prescribed sleeping pills as has most of my support group. I take them very sparingly. I'm still trying natural ways of dealing w/ depression, diet, exercise etc.. Support group has many members taking them too. I may need to. No answers here, find "think happy thoughts" type advice not helpful. I don't think what you are going through unusual. Is knowing you're not the only one helpful?
  • Maureen3
    Maureen3 Member Posts: 11
    #3
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    Onyx, I am sure others will have better advice than I, but please know you are not alone in this battle- I think we all fight that late night insomnia sometimes. I was diagnosed with a 9cm tumor/4 lymph nodes involved last July. My Onc told me I have a 50% chance of surviving it. At first I struggled all the time with those 'numbers'- especially late at night when my husband and children were asleep. I too kept up a strong face for my busy family and for a while I managed. All through surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation I kept up a stoic front while my nights were reserved for terrible, negative thoughts. What made a difference for me was finally talking out loud about those worries. In my case, I opened up to my husband and told him how fearful I was, in spite of the strong front. It was really hard, in part because I've always been the strong (do you hear the emphasis on 'strong'?) woman and my husband Dave has said many times that was important to him. I thought he would love me less or something,now that I wasn't the strong independent woman he expected. Instead, he confided his own worst fears (what will he do when I am gone? How can he cope with being a Dad without me?) We both felt better and I have had fewer wakeful nights since. Our whole marriage has changed. We are closer, stronger and better people because of this event in our lives. (amazing, something good coming from cancer!) Find a way to share your worst thoughts- a friend, partner, support group, prayer whatever works for you. I know this forum has helped me so much- there isn't anything I worry about that someone else hasn't already put to paper and I am inspired by their courage. Others will probably suggest you see your oncologist for some meds or renew your spiritual/religious faith and those may be good solutions for you to pursue too. Either way you are in my thoughts. We are all going to die (sometime) we've just never had to face it before. It's ok to be frightened sometimes, you wouldn't be human if you weren't - it's not ok to let it harm how you live now. Anytime you want to talk, I'll listen. Maureen
  • Maureen3
    Maureen3 Member Posts: 11
    #4
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    Onyx, I am sure others will have better advice than I, but please know you are not alone in this battle- I think we all fight that late night insomnia sometimes. I was diagnosed with a 9cm tumor/4 lymph nodes involved last July. My Onc told me I have a 50% chance of surviving it. At first I struggled all the time with those 'numbers'- especially late at night when my husband and children were asleep. I too kept up a strong face for my busy family and for a while I managed. All through surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation I kept up a stoic front while my nights were reserved for terrible, negative thoughts. What made a difference for me was finally talking out loud about those worries. In my case, I opened up to my husband and told him how fearful I was, in spite of the strong front. It was really hard, in part because I've always been the strong (do you hear the emphasis on 'strong'?) woman and my husband Dave has said many times that was important to him. I thought he would love me less or something,now that I wasn't the strong independent woman he expected. Instead, he confided his own worst fears (what will he do when I am gone? How can he cope with being a Dad without me?) We both felt better and I have had fewer wakeful nights since. Our whole marriage has changed. We are closer, stronger and better people because of this event in our lives. (amazing, something good coming from cancer!) Find a way to share your worst thoughts- a friend, partner, support group, prayer whatever works for you. I know this forum has helped me so much- there isn't anything I worry about that someone else hasn't already put to paper and I am inspired by their courage. Others will probably suggest you see your oncologist for some meds or renew your spiritual/religious faith and those may be good solutions for you to pursue too. Either way you are in my thoughts. We are all going to die (sometime) we've just never had to face it before. It's ok to be frightened sometimes, you wouldn't be human if you weren't - it's not ok to let it harm how you live now. Anytime you want to talk, I'll listen. Maureen
  • sassysally
    sassysally Member Posts: 150
    #5
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    Onyx, I know that this diease can be undaunting and negativitly and depression can be a part of it. I have had breast cancer three different times. I have been where you are. You have to remember that LIVING is also a part of cancer, beat this diease is part of cancer, and ATTITUDE is a big part of the equation. Talk with your oncologist about effexor or zoloft or wellbutrin these will all help in the depression area. As far as eating, try a protein drink like boost or ensure if you cant eat at all. It is so much better than nothing. Also, insomnia is also a side effect of chemo. I should know after 20 rounds or so. They had me dead three cancers ago, so dont give up. That is what the cancer wants you to do. Talk with your family and friends about how you are truly feeling. This is scarey, and we are all human....not superhuman. Your family and friends may have never been thru something like this. Explain to them what its like. Focus on the positive.... you are still here and cancer has not one. If you focus on the negative , cancer will be more than happy to accomadate you. Hang in there. If you have any questions, dont hesitate to ask. We are all here for you and have worn the shoes you now wear, and walked the path you are on. Email me if you like, I am always here.Take it from someone who has been there done that more times than I care too. Get on with living..... God will take care of the rest. love ya.... Sassy
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #6
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    What you describe is a perfectly normal sequence of responses to what you are facing. I do not think it is possible to achieve a positive attitude until you have explored the darker areas of thought and come out with some reconciliation of reality and hope. It is okay to be afraid, to be sad, to cry, to wonder if you will ever surface from this part of your life. The chemicals in chemotherapy affect thought processes. Don't be alarmed about that, because in a way, it shows that the chemo is working on you. When you body says that we cannot do that today, listen to it. I eventually learned that distraction was a big plus for me. I crocheted an afghan for each son, did New York Times crossword puzzles to keep my mind sharp, read books, watched quiz shows on TV and yelled out the answers. Hope this helps.
    Love,
    Denise
  • ksfc
    ksfc Member Posts: 251
    #7
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    Unfortunately, what you're describing can be a pretty normal part of treatment. I found that the first and second day after chemo weren't bad, but those next 3 days were killers. As far as the depression, I like others am taking an anti-depressant. Many of the meds used for nausea including steroids can cause depression as a side effect so that combined with a diagnosis of cancer is a lot for anyone to deal with. Let others help you and don't feel like you've got to put on the perfect smile for everyone. Come here and vent all you want. It will get better! Diane

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