Mar 09, 2004 - 3:04 pm
My fear is so deep I can hardly breathe. It doesn't even register as the emotion of fear it is so deep. Will it stop? I feel as if I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I did my surgery and have gone on with my life; I work and I play but I always feel as if something is "not quite right." I got tremendous praise for my bravery and I have tremendous support from my family and many friends. I just feel so alone all the time. As if I am in my own little world. A surreal world that threw cancer my way, so I immediately did what I was told to do, and just like that it's over. Just that fast, it seems. I imagine that is what is bothering me to some extent. What happened??? Did I really have cancer and, more importantly, is it really gone? The solitude is what bothers me; after 6 months people are done talking about it. You seem fine, so, in their minds, it's all over. I guess I might be the same way if I weren't the one who had cancer! I guess we can never again let our guard down, eh? I have seen my Mom survive 3 seperate cancers; she is my hero. She is 80; I am 48. I just wondered if anyone else felt even remotely the same way that I do. Thanks for listening.