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Lose of a parent

dburkart
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

I'm new to CSN and I am very touched and encouraged that there are so many people doing very well with their treatments.
My story isn't so happy in the spring of 2002 my father was diagnosed with small cell, slow growing lung cancer. He did great with his therapies and was virtually cancer free,until he had a relapse and that was the end on December 26, 2002 he passed away.
Like many others, this is the most difficult and draining life experience that I have gone through. There are days that I just feel like crawling under a rock other days aren't quite as bad and I can get through the grief.

michaelcie
Posts: 133
Joined: Nov 2001

hi, I have small cell lung cancer and in remission for two years now. I feel for you but this disease doesn't care who it takes and it was great that your father was able to last the battle for a few years. I will pray for him and you, God bless and still keeping the battle going mike

stewbrown
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

This is the first time that I as well have been on this site. I lost my mother a week ago to Lung cancer. We found out in December that she had tumors in her liver, January we found out that they were malignant but not the primary. It was not until February 5, that we found out it was in her lungs. She a had a 10 by ten by 12 cm tumor in her lung and it had already collapsed. We were told that we would have at the most six months. My mothers wish was to remain in her home. With the help of hospice we were able to give her that wish. We all took turns taking care of her. I am feeling so angry at the Doctors. My mother was at the Doctors office almost every month. She had been having trouble with her breathing so they sent her to a pulmonary doctor who told her she had COPD. It was not until she had excruciating pain in her back, had lost 25 pounds and was so exhausted and she told the Doctors you have to do something to find out what is wrong with me. I got six weeks with my Mom not six months and I do not know how you would not check on this. My mother had been a smoker for 30 years and had quit eight years ago. I don;t believe that the tumor grew that large in a month. I miss my Mom, she was my best friend and now she is gone. I just can't get over my anger. I have two small boys who I know I have to be strong for but it is not easy.

craftymom
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

I'm new to CSN. I'm glad to know there's something like this out there. I lost my mother from lung cancer in May of 2001. It's almost 3 years & it hurts today as much as then. My mother found out in Feb. & we lost her in May. I am so lost & lonely without her. Some days it's so hard to go on but I have my son & mental challenged sister to take care of. I don't know how to go on sometimes. My mother & I were very close & were either together everyday or talked to each other many times a day. Now I'm without my best friend & confidant. They say time heals all wounds, but when will it ever end. I'm trying to be strong for everyone but inside I too died May 5, 2001.

mellasue57
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

I am so sorry you lost your father to this.My sister was diagnosed with lung cancer in Feb.2003, then 3 brain tumors in July,2003 and she past away Oct,4th 2003.She was a breast cancer survior, had been cancer free for 4 yrs.I know how you feel, there are days when i miss her so much,i don't want to leave the house.Thats why I have joined the ACS to help other people.My familes prayers and thougth are with you.

fuji
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2004

This is my first time on this site. I saw an ad on t.v. and decided to check it out. I just lost my Dad Feb 11, 2004 to advanced prostate cancer. He was diagnosed in Fall of 2001 and it had already spread at that time. He did not tell us. He did lupron therapy for 2 years and then just started chemo/radiation in Fall of 2003. He looked like hell and simply said that it had "possibly spread" to his pelvis. Then he went into kidney failure the end of Jan. 2004 and died Feb 2004. I am angry and sad that he did not tell us how sick he was. I live far away from him and had been back prior to the chemo, at Christmas, during his kidney failure and when he died. I keep beating myself up for not "being there" for him. Why didn't he tell us? I feel like I let him down. I am lost without him.

Plymouthean's picture
Plymouthean
Posts: 264
Joined: Jan 2004

I'm sorry that this is so late being posted to the message board. I'm a lung cancer survivor, and I often browse the website. I'm writing as a parent, not as a cancer survivor. I hope my advice helps in even a small way.
I'm sorry that you have lost your father. I know it is hard to lose a parent, especially to a disease like cancer.
I'm a 70 year old father and husband who went through cancer treatment, and during that time I was very concerned about how my family (wife, 55 and son 25) would handle my loss. I was very much afraid that grief would take over their lives, and I would be the cause of their deep sorrow.
My advice to them was to remember: all the good years that we had together; all of our accomplishements; the happiness that we had brought to each other; the sense of accomplishemnt that we brought to each other; in short, all the good things in our lives. Sure, we miss those we lose, especially at an early age. But we must build on what those people started for us.
I was very sad at times, to think that the last thing that my family would remember about me was that I died on them. I would much rather they remember the good things that I did with them and for them, as well as what they did for me. Having discussed these issues with my family when I was ill, I am confident that they will grieve less and celebrate my life more when I am gone.
Grief is natural and good. Prolonged grief is not good, and can be dangerous. Remember your father for who he was, what he did for you, and what he accomplished, not for what happened to him. You will heal, if only you allow yourself to heal.
If you are comfortable doing so, you are welcome to e-mail me.
Ernie
ernplym@adelphia.net

DebbyS
Posts: 21
Joined: May 2004

Hi, I am also new to this site but I would like to share my story.
My mother was diagnosed in Feb. 2003 with non small cell lung cancer, she just turned 79. Every since my father died in 1976 my mother and I lived together, shared household duties, expenses and etc. My mother was my life!
ON March 25, 2004 my mother slipped away in her sleep at home. Her year long battle with cancer beat her. It is a horrible disease and to watch someone you love suffer is also horrible. I was her main care giver.
I have been trying to cope with her lost but the lonliness and emptyness is so overwhelming. I miss her so much. Our home is just a house now where I sleep.
There are 7 children and they all have gone on living but for me it seems I can not get to that point yet.
It was just my mother and myself for 28 years and now I am without my best friend, my confidant
and I miss her so much I don't know if I can go on sometimes. I think of all the good things we shared and all the cherished memories and this helps.
The biggest help to me is knowing that my mother is no longer suffering, or in pain, a new body, and has rejoined my fathers life again in heaven.
Time heals they say and I am sure I will too someday at least where the hurt is not so bad but its a hard process.
Anyone who has any words of advice on coping with death please express them.

Thanks,
DebbyS

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