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hopes
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2004

I need to talk, but I can't tell anyone I know what just happened. I feel really selfish because I have a good prognosis and this is so petty. But I just had an incident getting sick for the first time after my fourth treatment today. I asked the family to stay out of the bathroom (I couldn't quite make it) until I could get the terrible mess cleaned up. I was almost finished, except for the worst spots, when my husband barged in. He demanded to know what "kind" of accident I had. I refused to be more specific, and he became terribly insulting and nasty and sprayed air freshner directly at me at close range. He's recovering from back surgery, but I just don't understand his cruel behavior. He said such terrible, awful, nasty things. We have two college age daughters, and with our health problems we can't afford a divorce. Any suggestions or consolation? Again, I apologize from taking away from those with more serious needs, but I could really use an anonymous friend right now. Thanks.

mysunshine
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2004

Dear hopes,I'm sorry to hear that you are sick.I hope nothing but the best for you and that you may get better.What kind of cancer do you have?If I may ask?Well I'm trying to think of some adive and help i could give to you about yourhusband.What he did was wrong.Very wrong.Does he know what you are going through and what all is going on in your life?Maybe you could sit down and talk one day when you are feeling more up to parr..you know better and you have the strength to.Tell him how you feel and tell him what you are feeling.Tell him you need his support while you are going through this.It's a very tough time that you are going through.And negativty and selfishness is not needed at any time... See if you can set aside your marrage problems right now and just ask him to help you go through this.Be loving supporting caring...One thing i know i watched my dad be the most supporting husband when she got sick and went with her to her treatments and of course go involved with everything.that is what you need.You need to have a talk with each other.Please feel free to write me back

hopes
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2004

Thank you for reaching out to a stranger. I have breast cancer. The truth is it scares him more than it scares me--I think because as a smoker he's always been terrified of getting cancer. I had no real risk factors, no family history, never smoked, so I think my reaction has mostly been relief that research has advanced to much in recent years that I have a postive prognosis. I'm not happy, but I'm grateful.

He can be very supportive at times, especially at first, but after his back surgery (he's confined to the house for a month), he's been very hard for all of us to get along with. I've been fighting pneumonia and a pulmonary problem and fever that's kept me from working much since the first of the year. I think the doctors are close to diagnosing my problems, and I'm finally working some. I just need for him to hold on and not explode on me, especially when I'm not feeling well.

That's my problem, not yours. But thanks for your kind words--that is what I needed tonight. God bless you!

rob6
Posts: 17
Joined: May 2003

Hopes,
sorry you are going through this treatment. But it sounds like you are trying to do this all on your own. Your Hubby I'm sure is very scared what might happen to you and he probably feels like you are shut him out. Do you have any friends to talk to or even you chemo nurse. I will leave you my private E-mail at your E-mail box at the CSN page just click on read or send messages or you can just leave my a message at the CSN. talk to you soon

babyblues04
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2004

hey how are you doing today? i just read your story,and that is wrong of him to do that..he shouldn't have done that to you at all..you should not let him..if you need someone to talk to my email address is babyblues1721@most-wanted.com you should not let anyone treat you like that..if your sick then you need help..i understand that you didnt want to tell him what is wrong with you..but maybe you should and maybe he will change is cruelty..

DWininger
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2004

Hopes; I just read your message. I hope things are improving somewhat for you, especially healthwise. I believe your husband acted out because suddenly your lives were in such turmoil. I don't agree with how he handled the situation, but I know from experience, that some men just don't know how to cope with serious illness. We're the ones going through treatment, getting sick, trying to keep our hopes up, and someone says or does the wrong this at the wrong time and we blame ourselves. Please don't let that happen to you. Perhaps his ego is a little too big for him and he might have resented NOT being the center of attention after his surgery. I'm sure you did all that you could for him while still trying to take care of yourself. If you still need to talk, I'd love to listen.
Diane W (dlwininger@sbcglobal.net)

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