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Im only 16, and my dad died a month ago today

dreaDV
Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi, i'm 16 years old, my dad died exactly one month ago today, (december 28th 2003). He had non hodkins lymphoma. He had only had it since february, but the treatments haden't worked. He did many rounds of chemotherapy, radiation and a stem cell transplant. Things were even looking good then on the 16th of december we were all shocked to find out it was terminal.. the doctors said he had three months but he died not even two weeks later. I've been having a really hard time coping with this. I've never had to deal with anything like this before, and I just keep on telling myself that i'll see him again, even tho i wont. I cant go a day without having a breakdown. This has completely ruined me, and I woudl just like some support. Im just so young and everything is so new to me. It's a weird feeling. I just want to see him again. I hate cancer, I hate everything about it and I hate the treatments and what they do to your loved ones.

jilted
Posts: 3
Joined: Jan 2004

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I can imagine what you must be going thru. Alot to deal with, I know even for an adult. Please feel free to email me if you just want to vent. I don't know what help I can be. But you can be yourself. Say what you want, without being judged. And here's a hug! Take care of yourself and please remember you are not alone.

als26
Posts: 48
Joined: Feb 2002

DreaDV-
I feel for you. I'm 28 and my mother passed away on Jan. 7th. She had Ovarian Cancer. We went in for a regular check up and she was supposed to receive a chemo treatment on Dec. 17th. That's when the doctor said that there wouldn't be anymore treatments. We spent the next week at home. She was very sick. But, we had a great Christmas Eve. Then the next day on Christmas we went back into the Hospital. We stayed there until Jan. 7th the night she passed away. It just hit me a few days ago that I'll never see her again. I've cried everyday for the past three weeks. I have breakdowns in the evenings. I hate cancer too. With all the money in this country, why can't someone donate enough to support research for this terrible disease? I feel for you. Please know that our grieving is normal too. I keep telling myself it's ok to cry, be angry, be sad.... People tell me that time heals. Please take care and write back if you need to talk some more.

chucks0221
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2004

i just want to tell you that i know exactly what your going through. I'm turning 19 in 2 weeks and my mom passed away from non-hodgekin's lymphoma almost 3 years ago. i remember how much it hurt the second i lost her. the only thing i can share with you is that things will get better over time. it still hurts but not as much as it did before. i learned to reach out to people who were willing to listen. if you dont have anyone that u can run to, i can be that person to talk to. so just email me! take care and remember, things will get better

deborahm
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2004

I lost my sister who has not only a great sister but my best firend. Over the years it has become easier to accept. Everyday at first I had break downs but after awhile each time I cried,I cried a little less. Eventualy over time it got easier. Don't be afraid to talk to people about it - sometimes they are afraid to bring it up. Don't be embrassed to express your emotions it will help you get the situation straighten out in your mind. You can't really see your Dad anymore but if you close your eyes and think of him you will feel his love for you. The cancer treatments and what they do is a tough one but when I think of that I try and remember my sister ahd how we could laugh till we cried over funny movies. Pick some good memories and try and go there in your mind when you get so sad. Best of luck!

IBC's picture
IBC
Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2004

DreaDV,

I am very sorry to hear of your loss! I can't say that I know what you are going through. I have never been there before.

I know what you mean when you say that you hate cancer. I too hate cancer. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. She only has a 33% of beating this. She is 33 years old and we have a beautiful marriage! We have a wonderful 3 year old daughter and a 7 month old son. I too have had a hard time coping with this. I too have never had to deal with something like this before. I wish that neither of us had to do this or even know of such an ugly thing as cancer. Please know that you are not alone. I am sure that you have friends or family who want to be there for you. Even if you don't think that is true, many others (us in this network) are there for you.

If you ever need to get somthing off your chest, please feel free to post here or to email me.

Well I better run. I wish the best for you!

mah
Posts: 29
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi, My children also lost their Dad when they were teenagers. That was 17 years ago when he died from a heart attack and their step-father last year to cancer. There is no easy way to go through the grief. It is very hard to deal with and I feel for you. It's ok to breakdown and cry. It is better than holding it all inside of you. Most Hospice organizations have a social worker that works with teenagers who have lost a parent. Don't be afraid to go to someone for help. They are wonderful people and they know how to help you work through your grief. I also hate cancer and what it does to everybody involved with it. I understand that you want to see your father again. What I wouldn't give to see my husband one more time. I know that isn't possible in this lifetime but there is another life after this and our loved ones will be waiting for us. Take care and please reach out for help. You have made the first step by writing you message. This website is filled with wonderful people who are willing to help and listen. If you want to talk, you can e-mail me on this site and I will answer. My prayers go out to you. Love, MA

Kitchell
Posts: 62
Joined: Feb 2004

Families can be forever. You will see your father again. Log on to lds.org and you will be given the hope and answers you need. Or you can reply to this message and ask me any questions you have because this is what I truly believe. Best of everything to you!

memoryof
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi dreaDV,
I wanted to let you know that I lost my dad last May to larynx cancer. He fought it for close to a year. I was living across the U.S. and was not able to be there with him during the chemo and dark times. My brother was able to take our dad to the doctors, but unfortunately had to place him in a rehab center (nursing home). Very very sad. I feel guilty for the times I wasn't there only in January 2003 and lastly at his death bed. I regret that I didn't stay with him through this longer. I was not happy with Hospice care and how his dignity was overlooked. Write me when you get this because I want to know how you are coping now.

D91422
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

I am very sorry for your loss. I have a 14 yr old daughter that is coping with the dying of her father from colorectal cancer. He has only a few weeks left. All I can hope to tell you, is that let your friends help you in any way they can. You will be surprised at how good they can just listen. It is ok to be mad and cry. Just don't keep it inside of you. Talk to a teacher, a guidance counselor, anyone. My thoughts and prayers are with you

halfasskelly
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2004

Awe, you poor thing. I could not imagine to go through that at your age. I'm 27 now, and am going through it myself. My father passed away a month ago tomorrow. He was 51. Sometimes a person doesn't know where to turn, or what to do. That is how I even found your message in here. I'm having a very hard time with this myself. Dad had lung cancer, which spread to quite a few other organs in his body, including his brain. When he went to the hospital, they told him and the rest of us what was going on. He thought he had the flu or was just really sick. He found out he had a collapsed lung, and a nasty case of terminal lung cancer. They gave him a few weeks, to a few months to live. I was not willing to accept this, because of his age, how quick it all came about too. They gave him radiation, and it was working well. He was eating cheeseburgers and telling me not to keep on about things. Being his normal self. Then they started the chemo. It's too bad they messed with that. We don't have too many choices for cancer though. The day after they started the chemo, he had a massive stroke. It took most of his voice and he was paralyzed on one side. Him and I always talked about everything. He'd complain to me about life, and I'd do the same back. We had a good relationship. It killed me, that he couldn't voice things very much anymore. I could see the fear in his eyes, but he couldn't talk about it. I wanted so much to have a conversation with him, so he could tell me how he felt, like we used to. Suddenly, he couldn't eat anymore. From the stroke. They put a feeding tube in his stomach and he went to a rehab place, or in other words a nursing home. We always had talks about nursing homes. No one wanted to go there. I don't think, that anyone really does. It was supposed to be for rehab only damn it. Not to die there. I transfered him on a friday night. By Sunday, he was gone. When I walked into the room on Saturday morning, I knew that it would be the last time I saw my father. I called my mother a/s/a/p and told her I thought she better get her butt down there. I am not going to go into graphic details about what else went on, because it's disturbing. It's not pretty at all. When I admited him to the place, I remember having to sign do not recesitate paperwork. I had one hell of a time doing it. I knew what that meant and didn't want to do that to my own father. Luckily, it never got that far. I got a phone call at 5:00 am Sunday morning, saying he was gone. I went down there to see him, and he looked so at peace. There was no more worried look on his face. I felt better about that part anyhow. No more pain, no more suffering. It all happend in a month's time. A few months before, he was deer hunting and doing regular things. So, at least he didn't have to suffer for long.
I have had to do his job since he got sick. He did a work where you live kind of thing. Farm stuff I guess. There is not a day that goes by, that I do not cry while I'm doing the work. I keep looking for my dad to walk in, or looking for him to give me signs that he is around and okay. We have to move, because I can not do this work forever.....I do not know how to run a tractor ever, ya know? It's so hard. I feel as if I'm leaving him behind. He is every where here. I don't like packing or moving things or going through things, because all I do is cry. Mom and I were packing things today earlier, that's why I'm on here even right now. There was a game I came across, and it is the last game that we all played together. I lost it. It is hard to deal with. Sometimes, a person doesn't want to. The best advice I can give to you, is to live your life. Do things that you know your father would be proud of. Take time out for yourself, like do nice things for yourself. Just because they are gone physically, doesn't mean they are gone in our hearts or in our minds. I talk to my dad all the time. He may not be able to answer me physically, but I know what he'd say to things ;) It's not going to be easy for a while, but I'm sure that given time we can accept things easier. It will not make us feel better about things most of the time, no one wants to lose anyone close to them ever. Unfortunatly, it's part of life that we are not exempt from. I feel you're pain though hon. Looks like we get to grow up a little quicker than we thought. I know I'm 10 years older than you, but I'm not grown up yet all the way myself. If you'd ever like to talk, email me. I know for myself, that there are times, that I feel so shitty and don't want to talk to family members about things....just would like to get things out, ya know? Feel free hon. If not, good luck, give yourself a chance and some time, you'll be okay.
Love,
Kelly

faithhopelove
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2004

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my dad 9 days before my 17th birthday. I am now 35, married and have two boys 12 & 9. I can tell you that it is a long road. I loved my dad as if he were my whole world, I wanted to die. Somehow you find the strength. But you have to take one minute at a time. I went to therapy after being put in the hospital for anorexia, I thought I would starve to death. And I can say that this therapist gave me a great coping tool. You see most people try to mask the hurt and run from the pain and tears. She told me to make myself cry everyday for at least an hour, surrounding myself with anything that reminded me of him. Of course that was easy, I cried all day and night. Eventually you cut it down little by little. But in about 6 months I had to force myself to cry for even 5 minutes most days. I felt much better and it helped me to manage the rest of the day. Maybe this would help you, I don't know. I still have memories of my dad, but as time has passed, I find the happy memories. He will always have his arms around you. I used to say my dad was on my shoulder. If you want to talk more, I will be here. I wish you the best, and will pray that God comforts you and keeps you protected.

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