Scared to Death
Comments
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Don't be scared. There's so many of us who have gone before you. I've had breast cancer 2X with 2 mastectomies and double reconstruction August of 2002. They normally don't stage you until they know the lymph node involement. How many nodes were removed? Did you have the Sentinel Node Biopsy done? Go out and get Dr. Susan Love's Breast Cancer book. It will answer all the questions you have. You'll have a team. The surgeon, oncologist and radiation doctor. The oncology doctor will tell you what route you should go. He knows by statistics what will work best. Reconstruction was the best thing I did. I waited over a year though. The tram flap reconstruction was too long of a commitment, so I opted for the implants. Get the book, get the results of your nodes, see your oncologist and weigh all your options. Just keep researching and asking questions here as well. You have to be your own advocate and be educated in what is going on. All the girls are so helpful. Best of luck.0
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Welcome Fennella,
I am so sorry you are so scared, but it seems that most of us have to go through all the stages and that happens to be one. The best thing you can do is arm yourself with knowledge so that you can be an advocate for yourself. I think we have to look at prolonging our lives and now there are stats about reoccurance to consider. I myself didn't take another thought, I wanted a double mastectomy right then and there. At the time cause of the fast flowing cancer it was suggested by a doctor and my nurse mother, worry about the side that is affected and then if you still want the other one removed you can. I had 4 more lumps in the healthy breast all benign before had it removed a year after the first treatments chemo and radiation. It is to fight the last ones floating around, 11/21 were positive, not very good odds so stage 3 and agressive. I was 36 then and 7 years later I am going along still battling for the quality back in my life. I am grateful and fortunate to have had a life to continue and still fight for each and everyday.
I hope that you find this place to be supportive and very helpful. There are so many women and their stories, you will soon see, there are many that are so common. We all try and be there and now that the chat is filling it is truly a place to find some comfort knowing, you are not alone.
Good luck and my story is in the Gallery under Living Well with CAncer, I hope that helps in letting you know were I am coming from.
Be good to yourself,
Tara0 -
Sorry to hear of your news, I can remember all to well the day I heard...hit that demoral pump everytime I woke up for the next 24 hours. The news washed over me each time like a bad dream so I tried to escape, but I kept waking up and nothing was different. I decided at that point the only thing that could change was me and the only way I could do it was by the grace of God.
I had a 4.0 cm lump taken by lumpectomy w/ 13 out of 27 + lymph nodes, that was June 2000. My opinion, faith and attitude makes a world of difference!
Scientifically, if you look at studies, there is an equal cure rate between lumpectomies and mastectomies. Most women seem to opt for mastectomy, why I'm not sure. Seems to me getting over the trauma of that surgery plus chemo plus reconstruction is more than I would want to handle. BUT...that's personal opinion, I would suggest you do some research into mastectomy vs. lumpectomy cure rate outcome. If you do opt for the lumpectomy have them do 'sentinel node biopsy' or ask your doc about it. This procedure is done at the time of surgery, they inject dye and follow it through the lymphactic system to see which lymph nodes should be biopsied. If the first node is negative they leave them alone, if + then I guess its up to surgeon as to how many nodes they cut out.
Research site www.cancer.gov is a good place to start, it will lead to other sites. Plus, they have online help during certain hours.
For hope go to www.urcctc.com that's
Conquering Cancer Through Christ.
We chat at 10:00 PM CST, sometimes we start at 9:00, probably will tonight.
For love and support you can't get any better than right here. You've come to a great place, so you're already off to a good start.
If you go to CCTC, read the front page, it addresses fear and how important it is for you to get a handle on it. Fear can be your greatest enemy! Hang in there, it is scarey, but its NOT a death sentence. I've had 2 bone metastasis and a lump removed from the opposite breast and praise the Lord I'm here another day. There IS hope! Lot's of it! God bless. hummingbyrd0 -
Hi and welcome to the board. I was diagnosed in December of last year with breast cancer. I opted for a lumpectomy with a sentinel node biopsy. I woke up from surgery to hear that I had nodes that "looked positive" so the surgeon removed 17. When I went back for my follow-up with my surgeon he told me that I also had a bit more left and that 5 of my nodes were positive. I decided to go back for more surgery to make sure there were no more bits left! I started my chemo 2 days after Christmas and finished my last chemo yesterday! I will start radiation in about 3 weeks. As hummingbyrd said, the statistics show that survival rates in mastectomy vs. lumpectomy are the same but you must make that decision for yourself. I have occassionally doubted my choice to go with a lumpectomy over the past 5 months but I think that is just fear. If you read this board much, you will find out that women who have opted for a mastectomy have had reoccurence in that same side so that's not always a sure "cure".
There is always hope. You may not feel it now and that is normal. I'm sure you are reeling and considering your mortality which is also normal. The trick is not to get stuck in that feeling, right? Even if you have positive nodes, depending on the number of them and their appearance, you may still be Stage 2. Try not to get caught up in survival statistics or "cure" rates. It's smart to be well-informed but sometimes I found myself overloaded with TOO much information and would have to step back from the reality of the whole mess.
What was "normal" will change and the perception you have of your future will change. I found myself grieving for my before cancer past and for my after cancer future. After all, life isn't supposed to go this way for people like us, right? These kinds of things happen to OTHER people! Well, we are the other people now and it sucks and its hard but it is bearable. Our lives will never be the same but that can be a good thing. Embrace your future and claim your healing!
Carpe diem!
Karen0 -
Please know that we all understand exactly what it is like to receive those results, and we are all here to help you through this. The surgeon can help you understand the advantages and disadvantages of each possible choice to help you be as comfortable as possible with your decision. A consultation with oncology prior to making that decision really does help to provide input to help you choose as well. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is very distressing. However, you will make it through this. I promise. Love, Denise0
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I was just diagnosed 6 weeks ago! We all know the anxiety that comes with it. however, I am a Hospice nurse so always see the poor outcomes with disease. I must say though, that attitude is very important. I just said self their are two ways to deal with this; self pity, or allowing my faith in God to shine through and place each day at his feet. No one knows they will have a tomorrow, and each of us are given a gift with the diagnosis to appreciate our time and how we spend it! Now, I have very early breast cancer, but lost my sister to it a year ago (see was 17 mo younger) age 40. I will have a bilateral masectomy June 3 with reconstruction in 6-9 months (personal choice) You are the one who has to live with your decision, so pray about it and go with your gut. Personally, I don't want to wake up everyday for the rest of my life wondering if I'm the statistic to fail! My little boobs don't mean that much to me. My family is what matters and I want to be there. I also felt it was too much surgery at once with the bilateral and too much to think about, so with my plastic surgeon decided to wait. He felt the end results would be better, and I have a good attitude! My husband is also very supportive. I will keep you in my prayers and would be happy to send you updates via e-maill as I travel this journey one step ahead! Pam Lambypa@aol0
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Fennella, know that the first few days after diagnosis are the worst. The indescribable terror that we all felt hearing that word - Cancer. I was diagnosed on Mar 25th and I all could think of was will I see my babies grow up? Do I have enough life insurance to get them through college if I am not here. Lot of good advice already below. Remember this is not your grandmother's cancer. Breast Cancer is a treatable disease it NOT necessarily a death sentance. It was five days before someone said that to me and I slept that night for the first time. 1)Get the book!
2) Lumpectomy vs mastectomy. Statistically, from the survival perspective, there is no benefit of one over the other. A lot of women opt for mastectomy because they figure if they don't have breasts it can't come back -right? Often the decision is made depending on the size of your breasts. In my case I have large breasts and even after the lumpectomy (1.5cm) I can barely tell the difference. If you have small breasts removing a 2.5 cm tumor might have a significant impact on how they look.
Staging: They can't stage until they know the node status. Has it spread or hasn't it. My surgeon did both the sentinel node biospsy AND an axillary - 16 nodes - all negative. In hindsight, he should probably have stopped at the sentinel node because the oncologist recommended chemo anyway and I am still dealing with arm issues and probably will never play golf again because of the possibility of lymphedema. Bottom line, the cancer didn't appear overnight, its been there a while, take enough time to consult with both your oncologist AND your surgeon before making a decision. I didn't get to speak to the oncologist before the axilliary node dissection and he toldl that because the tumor was over 1 cm he would always recommend chemo for someone my age. Hindsight is 20/20.
There are no quick answers an dyou can't go back. Get a copy of the pathology report and learn what it all means and then make decisions.
Finally, join a support group, it really helps to have other people who have gone through this, and make sure you stay in touch with this group. My e-mail is hadfield@FCGNetworks.net if you want to talk anytime. Know that our prayers are with you and remember the first week is the worst.0 -
Just to add to rainyday's advice, I too have large breasts and I had a 4 cm tumor removed through my lumpectomy and other than an extremely perky nipple on that side, you can't tell the difference! Also, to you rainyday, I want to encourage you that you may well play golf again. My lumpectomy and lymph node dissection (17 removed) was on December 12th and the numbness is still wearing off but its soooooo much better than it was even a month ago. My arm felt tight all the way down to the palm of my hand but I did the spider crawl up the wall everyday and squeezed a ball and so forth. My arm bothers me sometimes but I've not had any real problems yet. I hope this turns out to be true for you as well. Good luck to you both and God bless!rainyday said:Fennella, know that the first few days after diagnosis are the worst. The indescribable terror that we all felt hearing that word - Cancer. I was diagnosed on Mar 25th and I all could think of was will I see my babies grow up? Do I have enough life insurance to get them through college if I am not here. Lot of good advice already below. Remember this is not your grandmother's cancer. Breast Cancer is a treatable disease it NOT necessarily a death sentance. It was five days before someone said that to me and I slept that night for the first time. 1)Get the book!
2) Lumpectomy vs mastectomy. Statistically, from the survival perspective, there is no benefit of one over the other. A lot of women opt for mastectomy because they figure if they don't have breasts it can't come back -right? Often the decision is made depending on the size of your breasts. In my case I have large breasts and even after the lumpectomy (1.5cm) I can barely tell the difference. If you have small breasts removing a 2.5 cm tumor might have a significant impact on how they look.
Staging: They can't stage until they know the node status. Has it spread or hasn't it. My surgeon did both the sentinel node biospsy AND an axillary - 16 nodes - all negative. In hindsight, he should probably have stopped at the sentinel node because the oncologist recommended chemo anyway and I am still dealing with arm issues and probably will never play golf again because of the possibility of lymphedema. Bottom line, the cancer didn't appear overnight, its been there a while, take enough time to consult with both your oncologist AND your surgeon before making a decision. I didn't get to speak to the oncologist before the axilliary node dissection and he toldl that because the tumor was over 1 cm he would always recommend chemo for someone my age. Hindsight is 20/20.
There are no quick answers an dyou can't go back. Get a copy of the pathology report and learn what it all means and then make decisions.
Finally, join a support group, it really helps to have other people who have gone through this, and make sure you stay in touch with this group. My e-mail is hadfield@FCGNetworks.net if you want to talk anytime. Know that our prayers are with you and remember the first week is the worst.
Karen0 -
Hi Fennella,
I am sorry that you are having to go through this experience and hope you have someone close to home that can give you lots of comfort and time to express your emotions. It is a rotten deal but the ladies who have written earlier are right. The beginning is the worst because you don't know what you are dealing with and that is really scary. For me, I didn't have anybody to talk to the first couple of days. I don't remember how I found the telephone number I 'm going to give you because I was in a daze. Y-Me helped me out alot in the beginning 1-800-221-2141. I needed someone to talk to and they were great.
Once I was able to function a little bit better I started getting other helpful numbers: American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345, Susan G. Koman 1-800-462-9273, M.D. Anderson cancer information line (713) 792-3245, M.D. Anderson Network line 1-800-345-6324, Cancercare 1-800-813-HOPE(4673), Cancer Information Service - a program of the National Cancer Institute 1-800-4-CANCER.
After I was diagnosed and got the biopsy results I went to a local medical library, made lots of phone calls to the contacts above, armed myself with lots of questions for the surgeon, took someone with me to the doctor's office, talked to the hospital volunteers (big help), talked to other women who had been through the process, and most importantly asked the dear Lord for guidance. Oh, and I cried all the time!
One thing I will pass along the helped me decide between a lumpectomy and mastectomy was an appointment with the radiologist. I really had to push my oncology surgeon for this appointment. He thought that a lump. and radiation would be worth a try. However, the radiologist didn't think she would be able to get all the stray cancer cells. So if you have the opportunity to visit with a radiologist during your decision making process I would recommended it.
It is peculiar how it works out. When you are the most frightened and want someone to have the answers for you, it turns out that you have to be strong and seek out the answers yourself. It was one of the toughest decisions I've had to make in my life. I pray that the answers will come to you. Take Care.0 -
Hi I will just add my two cents worth. Everything everyone said is good advice. I was dx almost 2 years ago with stage 3 invasive lobular cancer. I did not have the option of lumpectomy. I had 6 months of chemo before surgery to try and shrink the tumors. I had surgery, mastectomy with tram flap reconstruction. They took 24 nodes out and all were clear. Whether that was from the chemo or not, we will never know. I then had 6 more months of chemo and radiation. It is scary to hear the words Cancer, but like the other ladies have said, there is always hope. I have put my hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. Even before my diagnosis. Just knowing that I had someone to go to to pray to and cry to when no one else understood was a comfort to me. Not that I did not have a great wealth of friends and family. It is a long road, but like any journey, it starts with just one step. Try not to look too far down the road, or you will get overwhelmed. Focus on the here and now. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that you will make the right decision regarding your surgery and treatment plan. God richly bless you. Sandy0
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Fennella, I'm always sorry to hear of a new member of this sorority we have. We all know how scard you are, and my heart goes out to you. You will run a gamit of emotions before it is all though. The decision to have a masectomy or lumpectomy is the first and hardest decision you have to make. I too have larger breast, and a lumpectomy of a 2.2 cm tumor left me with just a little flater boob on that side. Get as informed as you can, this and other AMC web sites are helpful. The best book you can get is Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. I strongly recomend it. My surgen gave me a copy when I was diagnosed and it was a godsend. She did warn me not to read too far ahead as there is some scary stuff that might never pertain to you. Go through the chapters and find what your going through at the time. This is a great place to get support, and the chat room is too. God Bless. Judyjamjar62 said:Just to add to rainyday's advice, I too have large breasts and I had a 4 cm tumor removed through my lumpectomy and other than an extremely perky nipple on that side, you can't tell the difference! Also, to you rainyday, I want to encourage you that you may well play golf again. My lumpectomy and lymph node dissection (17 removed) was on December 12th and the numbness is still wearing off but its soooooo much better than it was even a month ago. My arm felt tight all the way down to the palm of my hand but I did the spider crawl up the wall everyday and squeezed a ball and so forth. My arm bothers me sometimes but I've not had any real problems yet. I hope this turns out to be true for you as well. Good luck to you both and God bless!
Karen0 -
Hi, sounds like you are at the begining like me. I went for my every six month mamagram on April 17. Next thing I know they are doing and ultra sound and telling me I must contact my doctor immediately they will phone him with the results. That day my doctor calls and recommends a surgeon. Very next week I am having a biopsey 2.5CM tumor. Next week I have surgery. I have a sentinal biobsy, a quadanectomy and lymph nodes removed. Stage II breast cancer. Trace amount of cancer in lymph nod from tumor, trace amount in one lymph nod from the fourteen they took out. Next week see onocologist told chemo then radiation. Had tests on my heart had a pet scan and the port a cath put in May 29 first chemo treatment. oncologist says surgeon did good job no need for more surgery good margins. I am suppose to feel lucky? At the moment my best support is family and friends. My best advice is to reach out. Oh and lets not forget my wig appointment because my hairs going to fallout. Was long now I AT 41 LOOK LIKE THE LITTLE DUTCH BOY. Reach out let others help be inspired by their kindness. At the moment I feel fine thats the hardest part always I am the caregiver now I am told I am sick. Its hard when you dont even have a fever. good luck sinders30
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Hi Karen, Thanks for the encouragement. My arm is coming along well. I get a lot of muscle aches in the back. It has only been 6 weeks. I have found that swimming every other day made an amazing difference (but the darned school has turned off the heat in the pool - for some reason they think it is summer and the sun should heat it). The worry down the road is that the constant pounding of the ball and club will cause the lymphedema. I will try it anyway!!! Thank you. Hugs!jamjar62 said:Just to add to rainyday's advice, I too have large breasts and I had a 4 cm tumor removed through my lumpectomy and other than an extremely perky nipple on that side, you can't tell the difference! Also, to you rainyday, I want to encourage you that you may well play golf again. My lumpectomy and lymph node dissection (17 removed) was on December 12th and the numbness is still wearing off but its soooooo much better than it was even a month ago. My arm felt tight all the way down to the palm of my hand but I did the spider crawl up the wall everyday and squeezed a ball and so forth. My arm bothers me sometimes but I've not had any real problems yet. I hope this turns out to be true for you as well. Good luck to you both and God bless!
Karen0 -
sinders3 - you ARE lucky, you found it early enough that you have many treatment options available to you and from the sound of it a good prognosis. If some body told me now that I would feel a lump, have a biospy, lumpectomy, heart scan etc. in just 12 days I would tell then that they are crazy. I stalled my chemo long enough to spend all the time that I needed to research it. Even though I wanted to get on with it, I don't ever want to look back and say I made the wrong decision under pressure. We all understand how difficult it is to be the who is cared for instead of the other way around. So far, I have been able to do eveything except for those first few days after chemo when I just slept. My children are clearly relieved that the treatment is not as bad as we all imagined and have been more than willing to help out. I am very proud of them. My hair should go next weekend. Today we are going over to weed my elderly neighbors flower beds (they are in their mid-eighties and can't bend down to weed). Life hasn't stopped because I have cancer. Please give yourself time to vent your frustration, rest when you need to and let others take care of you for a while. As for being sick (LOL), as far as I am concerned the cancer was gone with the tumor, this treatment is all preventative and "just in case" any of those nasty little suckers got loose. Happy memorial day! Love and Hugs.sinders3 said:Hi, sounds like you are at the begining like me. I went for my every six month mamagram on April 17. Next thing I know they are doing and ultra sound and telling me I must contact my doctor immediately they will phone him with the results. That day my doctor calls and recommends a surgeon. Very next week I am having a biopsey 2.5CM tumor. Next week I have surgery. I have a sentinal biobsy, a quadanectomy and lymph nodes removed. Stage II breast cancer. Trace amount of cancer in lymph nod from tumor, trace amount in one lymph nod from the fourteen they took out. Next week see onocologist told chemo then radiation. Had tests on my heart had a pet scan and the port a cath put in May 29 first chemo treatment. oncologist says surgeon did good job no need for more surgery good margins. I am suppose to feel lucky? At the moment my best support is family and friends. My best advice is to reach out. Oh and lets not forget my wig appointment because my hairs going to fallout. Was long now I AT 41 LOOK LIKE THE LITTLE DUTCH BOY. Reach out let others help be inspired by their kindness. At the moment I feel fine thats the hardest part always I am the caregiver now I am told I am sick. Its hard when you dont even have a fever. good luck sinders3
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Keep the faith hummingbyrd. It's all in God's hands. Just thanks him every day for another blessing, because he can heal our cancer.hummingbyrd said:Sorry to hear of your news, I can remember all to well the day I heard...hit that demoral pump everytime I woke up for the next 24 hours. The news washed over me each time like a bad dream so I tried to escape, but I kept waking up and nothing was different. I decided at that point the only thing that could change was me and the only way I could do it was by the grace of God.
I had a 4.0 cm lump taken by lumpectomy w/ 13 out of 27 + lymph nodes, that was June 2000. My opinion, faith and attitude makes a world of difference!
Scientifically, if you look at studies, there is an equal cure rate between lumpectomies and mastectomies. Most women seem to opt for mastectomy, why I'm not sure. Seems to me getting over the trauma of that surgery plus chemo plus reconstruction is more than I would want to handle. BUT...that's personal opinion, I would suggest you do some research into mastectomy vs. lumpectomy cure rate outcome. If you do opt for the lumpectomy have them do 'sentinel node biopsy' or ask your doc about it. This procedure is done at the time of surgery, they inject dye and follow it through the lymphactic system to see which lymph nodes should be biopsied. If the first node is negative they leave them alone, if + then I guess its up to surgeon as to how many nodes they cut out.
Research site www.cancer.gov is a good place to start, it will lead to other sites. Plus, they have online help during certain hours.
For hope go to www.urcctc.com that's
Conquering Cancer Through Christ.
We chat at 10:00 PM CST, sometimes we start at 9:00, probably will tonight.
For love and support you can't get any better than right here. You've come to a great place, so you're already off to a good start.
If you go to CCTC, read the front page, it addresses fear and how important it is for you to get a handle on it. Fear can be your greatest enemy! Hang in there, it is scarey, but its NOT a death sentence. I've had 2 bone metastasis and a lump removed from the opposite breast and praise the Lord I'm here another day. There IS hope! Lot's of it! God bless. hummingbyrd
Your story touch me so much. I was dianoised with braest cancer in April 02. I know what you been though. I had 5+ nodes. I know that God still can heal us no matter what test results show. There are times the devil try to tell me that I am not going to make it, but he is a liar. Iam going to make it with God fighting my battle. Take care and hope to chat with you later on the web thanks again for your testimony. blessedbev0 -
Hi Fennella,
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but you have come to the right place. You will find support, encouragement, and hope from everyone here. I am a 2 year survivor, and was so shocked and scared when I was diagnosed. My journey has been amazing...I have cried, laughed, worried, etc., as we all have. Through surgeries, loss of hair, awaiting test results, body scans...it's been quite a ride! But there is hope and we all have a place where we draw our strength from. For me, it is my relationship with the Lord. He has held my hand through every step of the way, and continues to do so. For others, it is family, or friends...or this site. Talk to everyone who will listen...just to allow yourself the opportunity to ventilate. Research the options. Learn as much as you can about the disease...you are your best advocate. Write down questions and don't be afraid to be assertive with your medical care. Seek second opinions when you feel the need. If you aren't strong enough to do this, make sure you have someone who can. In my case, I had my sister at every appointment. She was my rock through it all. I am a nurse, but I seemed to be in a fog for the initial appointments. She wrote things down and explained them again when I was more receptive. There are so many resources and Dr. Love's book is a good one. Keep us posted. Your in my prayers.
Love, Jayne0 -
I am so, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. My mother was diagnosed 7 years ago, 2cm in her milk duct, she had 20 nodes removed- they were all fine. She had a lumpectomy, and the chemo and radiation, just to be aggressive. She was also on tamoxifen for 5 years. 5 years later, it came back- to the skin, lungs, liver and brain. She died a week ago today. Do what you can because even with the brightest outlook, like my mother had, you never know what is in there lurking around. And you do not want to look back with regret. Do what is in your heart.
God bless you and hang in there.0 -
Fennella, you will find many a shoulder here. We have all had ''that just found out shock'' feeling. I was told by my doctor, over my cell phone, while sitting in my undies in the dressing room at the Walmart. Go figure, but I didnt buy what i was trying on..!!
Good luck and God Bless
Jerilynfrog13@yahoo.com0 -
When I read your message my eyes filled with tears and I was back there on the day I recieved the diagnosis. I couldn't catch my breath and I couldn't get passed the word Cancer. I did keep breathing and immediatly reached out to friends. I needed some time before telling my family. The hardest words were "I have cancer". I didn't know about this site and wish I had. I did research, met with the oncologist, and the radiation oncologist as well as the plastic surgeon. I had a 0.6cm ductal with negative nodes. I had a mastecomy with a tram flap reconstruction. I don't need radiation or chemo and feel very very blessed after reading these women's comments about chemo.
There are stages of grieving you must go through. You have lost the healthly you and it takes some time to come to terms with that.
Use this site. I don't comment often but I get a lot from reading other's comments.
God Bless and I'll be looking for news of your decisions and progress.
I was diagnosed in Nov02 and have my first post mastecomy mammogram next week. Beth0 -
I feel for you so much. I found my mass one year ago today on Memorial day. I had mammo next day and biopsy two days later. I had large mass, apx 4.5 cm so my surgeon said had to have mastectomy. Said since I am not big breasted it would leave very little breast tissue anyway. But he did offer me immediate reconstruction which I immediately said yes to. It was one of the best decisions I made. I chose tissue expanders to be replaced later by implanst because I didnt want a large abdominal incision to deal with at the time. I have now finished chemo and radiation and finally feeling much better. I enjoy doing things around the house and finally have energy to it. I still am afraid especially of a reoccurence since my tumor is aggressive. I was a stage IIB with 6 or 9 nodes positive. But I try to live with positive thoughts and get on with my life. I wish you the best of luck. If I can be of any help, please e-mail.0
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