Mar 13, 2003 - 1:09 am
I finished my radiation treatments one month ago today. During the treatments, I started experiencing some really strong emotional reactions, and the doctor put me on anti-depressants "to get me through a rough time." I seemed to be doing pretty well until this past weekend. Since then, it's been like I had never taken them at all. I felt worse than I did before I started them! My mind wants to dwell on sad stuff - all of the people I've lost to cancer and my feelings about losing them. And I tend to over-react and get my feelings hurt when no offense was intended. I'm not understanding this at all!
What might have triggered the negativity in me was visiting my radiation oncologist and the ophthalmologist who diagnosed my cancer and receiving mixed messages from them. The radiation onc. examined me and then told me that another biopsy of what's left of my tumor might be necessary to see if what is left is still active or not. He mentioned that I'd need chemotherapy if it was active. He said it might turn out that I have something besides lymphoma! Then he talked about these things happen in a very small percentage of cases, and that they'd still keep an eye on my for awhile to see how I'm doing, and he wanted me to come back in four weeks. From his office, I went to the eye doctor, who examined me and mentioned that he could tell that I'm still experiencing effects of the radiation (sunburned tear ducts, for one) but he didn't seem overly concerned about any of it. He wants me back in six weeks. I guess I started dwelling on the negative stuff I was told and then worrying about it.
I saw my hematology oncologist Monday, and she assured me that I'm doing fine at this stage and wants me back in three months. In the meantime, I am to continue seeing the other two doctors and keep my follow-up appointments.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today. But I'm still wondering why I went through this upheaval like I did. I know I had several people wondering what the heck was going on with me when I blew up at them over (what they thought was) nothing. The way I heard them was NOT what they meant. Things have been resolved and there are no hard feelings, but WHY ON EARTH DID I DO THAT???? Has the cancer made me crazy?