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Fear

ddrupp
Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2003

Does the fear ever go away? I was diagnosed in dec 97 with colon cancer. I was very lucky in that it hadn't gone through the wall yet and after the surger I didn't have to go through chemo or radiation. I have been cancer free now for 5 years now and I just can't seem to get comfortable about my remission. I have a new family, ( 3,8 and 16step) and I feel like I could be leaving any time. After 5years of remission here I am on this web site for the first time. I have never been to a cancer survivors event or anything but here I am now. I know I am so lucky and blessed but I feel scared and -----temporary---God bless all of you. God bless America

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1290
Joined: Nov 2001

Hi ddrupp,Iwas diagnosed in jan98,but I was not given much hope because I was stage 3 with undifferentiated cancer(no good cells mixed with the bad) and of the 13 lymph nodes they removed six were cancerous. I had a year of chemo and yet here we are both into our sixth year as survivors. I know exactly what you are feeling though I don't call it fear ,I can honestly say I'm not afraid of cancer,it has become like a well understood travelling companion ,much despised but seemingly impossible to be totally rid of. I suspect that at some stage I will again face cancer but I'm ready and I am aware that it has changed my life forever. I believe that it is ok to be constantly aware and vigilant as long as you don't let it rule your life,I wish you a long and healthy life Ron.

ddrupp
Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2003

thanks Ron. I never really thought about it that way. God bless you ddrupp

wildcat's picture
wildcat
Posts: 40
Joined: Apr 2002

You bet you can work. The pump is about 5 inches square and it makes this pump noise every 31 secs. You will be very tired but you can keep going. I had stage 3 and also no bag but both the chemo and raditation. If you get too tired just tell them. Keep telling you doctors your systems they have a lot of things to help. Trust me one more drug isn't going to hurt when you are on chemo. I like your attitude. Good luck.

wildcat's picture
wildcat
Posts: 40
Joined: Apr 2002

First of all my apologies on the message already listed. I thought I was replying to another area. I had stage 3 and a bunch of stuff outside the wall. In talking with others your anxiousness is normal. I had a wonderful survivor tell me that is okay and that it was just God's way of telling you to take care of yourself. Good luck.

bobs
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

I had colon cancer 9/1990 and survived, however, every day the fear of recurrance is always there. My doctor has told me the fear is practically groundless and I really don't need colonoscopy any longer. I am taking one again on Apr. 08.

cp1264's picture
cp1264
Posts: 6
Joined: Mar 2003

Your doctor said you "really don't need colonoscopy any longer"??? Change doctors! You should have had a colonoscopy at least 2 years after your original cancer and at least every 5 years thereafter once you've had cancer. Wow, I can't believe your doctor told you that. Get a second opinion - from an oncologist and from a gastroenterologist. Glad to hear you are having another one April 08. You will surely be fine - but isn't it better to KNOW you are than to wonder?

sassysally's picture
sassysally
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi, I am 41 and have had Breast CA 3 times. No, the fear never really goes away. Every ache and pain will get your mind reeling with "Oh god, not again!" It will always be there, but you just have to go on and live your life for today, the present, for it is a "PRESENT". Tomorrow what ever comes it will take care of itself. Don't let the cancer win. You are a survivor, and like all of us, yes there are moments that we are all unsure, but it can either consume you, or you can triumph over the fact that you are strong, you are capable, and you have come out of the other side of darkness, stronger and ALIVE. Glad to have you here. :-)

cp1264's picture
cp1264
Posts: 6
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi DDRUPP,
My oncologist has a great saying in her office that reads "Don't worry until you have to worry!". I was diagnosed in 1999 with stage III appendicial/colon cancer (Signet Ring Cell Carcinoma). It had infiltrated the entire bowel wall and 2 lymph glands. I had 6 mos of chemo. In May, 2002, they found more cancer - actually it was everywhere in the peritoneum and in my small and large intestines, uterus, omentum, liver, etc. I'm stage IV. Was given 6 mos to live in May of 2002 and here it is March of 2003 and I'm still up and around and doing quite well. I'm on Xeloda and it seems to be working well for me. I have a very positive attitude and do NOT worry about tomorrow. My attitude is "what good will it do me to worry?", and my answer to myself is "if anything, it will make me worse". So I live each day as though I'll live for another 20 years. I'm happy, though tired from the chemo. I'm thankful for science and medicines that are being improved every year. All you can do is try to live healthfully and happily. Whatever happens after that happens. Be grateful for every day. Love your family. Make memories. You are NOT temporary except that you let your mind convince you of that. Let your mind convince you that you were only stage 1 or 2 at most, and that your chances of a long, normal life are very good. Be grateful - and occupy yourself with fun things and stop worrying. What good does it do you? None. If anything, it may make you worse - think about THAT!
I don't believe in any god, so I can't say "God bless you", but I can say "stay happy, learn, and be positive". Knowledge is power. "Dont' worry until you have to worry"!
Cindy

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