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Dad is letting go

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi, I am 26 years old and my Dad is dying of Pancreatic Cancer. My Mom told me the other day that he felt himself slipping away, is this something that one would know? I feel like I should say goodbye but I don't know how to let go. He is a truly amazing person and has been such an influence in my life, I can't imagine life without him. If you have lost someone to cancer can you share with me if they knew when they were slipping away?

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2003

My mom passed away from cancer 21 years ago, but it feels like yesterday. Even though I was so young at the time, I was 13, I could tell she was ready to let go. She was just so calm and felt she needed to get things in order. I think the calmness she has was what let us know she was ready. She just seemed to have made her peace with everyone and everything. She was the bravest person I know/knew in the end and I wish I could have told her so many things, like goodbye, in the end. You will never really "let go", but do sit down and say what you feel, including good-bye.

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2003

I have lost many people to cancer. My spouse, family members, friends and clients (as I was a hospice home care giver). The answer to your question...YES...you can pretty much know and feel it so to speak. Best thing I can say from living with this terrible disease most of my life around me is that always tell those you love how important they are to you....the difference that they in your lives have made. Just talking as they can, being there as you can, just being You and trying your best to let them be them, with dignity and understanding. Most importantly to tell them when they feel they must go you will miss them but will be there and understand and will try to be strong and will never forget them. Gosh, this brings tears.... It's never easy to say goodbye, to let go.... but believe me if your there by their side you WILL feel that PEACE they will have when they let go... you'll never forget it. Love to all of you going through this for I DO understand. God Bless.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi, I'm a 47 y\o guy. I lost my late mother to brain cancer in 1995 1 week after her 74th birthday. At the time of her 74th birthday, the family already knew she was terminal and it was just a matter of time. The day after her birthday, I went to visit her. She was at that time laying in a rented hospital bed in the living room of the family house. She at that time still had some of her faculties with her and she recognized those around her. Upon my leaving her the day after her birthday, I knew it was the last time I'd see her alive. I grasped every ounce of inner strength that I could muster up from breaking down in tears, I leaned over her, kissed her on her lips, and told her I loved her and told her goodbye. In her condition, she didn't realise what I meant. She died a week later. There's no easy way to deal with it. However, my faith in Jesus Christ is my strength and stronghold.

Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my dad to cancer less than a year ago. He was a huge person in my life and even performed my wedding ceremony (he was a judge) When we found out he was dying he was not suprised, he could tell. I knew that my window of opportunity was short and I had soo much to say. I wrote him a letter telling him how much he meant to me and recounted the events that we shared together and how important it was to me that we shared such good times together and that he was there for me. I took the letter to the hospital and read it to him. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I left it for him and later he asked my mom to read it to him again. I am really glad I did this sooner than later because by the time we brought him home he was too sick to really listen to and process the letter I wrote. I have great saddness in losing my dad but I do not have any regrets, because I told him that I loved him and I wrote him a letter and read it to him. He passed away knowing what he meant to me and he heard it from me. This has helped me alot in times of grief.

Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2003

I lost my mother a year ago last November. She fought cancer for over 15 years, with an extremely strong "will to live to see her grandchildren grow up". I don't miss the illness, but she was the strongest person I know. We watched her struggle for so many years, that when the disease took her eyesight she finally gave in to it. At the age of 64 she asked if it was O.K. to give in to it. And she struggled through her favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, and died two days later. She knew how sick she was, but there are worse things than death. I watched her face go from torment and pain, to total peace. I'll never forget that she suffered because of her love of her family, and when she fought so terribly hard because of that love. Just let your father know you love him, that you love him so much that it's o.k. if he lets go. Just hold on to that love and pass it on to your children, that's the greatest gift you can give your father now.

Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2003

Hi Dlphn, Confronting death and terminal illness are some of the most difficult things a person will ever do in life. Just remember "you feel what you feel". And it's alright to feel that way. If your confused, in shock, frightened, and or a combination of all those things. The right way to approach your father saying goodbye would be doing it your way. Accept all your anxieties and uncertainties and make the journey to your father. Watch the admirable self, which you are.

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