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A celebration for me

melzmom
Posts: 47
Joined: Apr 2002

I finished my six month reatment for NHL in March. Everyone asked me what I was going to do when it was all over and I said "I am going to have a kegger party and the I am going to go to Disneyland with my husband and daugher". I really was joking abou the kegger party. We don't drink very much especially after all this but our friends and family kept asking us about the kegger---it is tomorrow. I am sitting up tonight not being able to sleep. I close my eyes and I think of a thousand things I have to do. We are expecting almost 100 people. My niece, who is only 6 years younger then I am, and her husband came all the way from Mississippi (I live in CA) to "celebrate me". My niece and I are very, very, very close. My brother and his wife are driving here from Arizona. I am trully blessed. When I sent out the invitations they said "Come celebrate health, life, hapiness and love" and that is exactly what everyone is coming to do. Friends are coming that I haven't seen in a long time. I am scared. I am scrared because if the cancer comes back they all came for nothing.I feel like I might have let them down. I would feel like I failed the ones who loved me the most when I needed them. I am so scared right no. Why? I have no idea what I put them through when we found out that I had cancer. The people closest to me were far away and had to hear everything by phone. I am so afraid it is going to come back. I have been coughing all day (one of the symptions of my cancer). One one hand I am scared to death and on the other I am so glad to have everyone coming tomorrow. It really is a celebration. I got it and I beat it. The chemo almost kick my ass but I did make it. Am I so sad again because I am facing it again? Is it because the party is supposed to close this chapter in my book of life. OUr neighbor was teasing my niece about coming all the way out to California for a kegger an she said "we'd drop every thing to come celebrate Lia and her health, we love her". It is one of the sweetest things anyone has said to me but I am scared. I am so sorry for dumping on all of you but you are the only ones that understand.

Lia

goodchatt
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2002

Lia,,Hi,,

Lol.. to you,,, I emailed you,,also.. thanks again,, for your honest sharing,, you have help all of us so much,, you are the best,,

good luck ..

Jack

tamis
Posts: 40
Joined: Oct 2000

Hi Lia,
Congratulations! You have every reason to celebrate! I hope your party is awesome! Best wishes to you.
Tami

crtsang
Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

By my reckoning, you had your party two days ago. I hope it all went very well, and that you had a good time in spite of your fears.

Even if your cancer does recur--which we all pray it won't, needless to say--your friends and family will NOT have come for "nothing". They came to let you know how loved you are, and that's true no matter what.

The party must also have brought up a lot of feelings left over from your battle, don't you think? I mean, it would be natural. We'll all be working through the experience off and on our whole lives, as we find new ways to think about it and more to learn from it.

What concerns me is that you say you would let everyone down if something happened. You would let no-one down, failed none of your loved ones. Please don't blame yourself for getting cancer. Besides, while they're celebrating your victory, more importantly, they're celebrating YOU. And I bet they're thrilled to be able to.

One last thing: It seems to me that we survivors tend to be more aware of the dangers of recurrence, or at least more afraid of it, than those who care about us. It's just survivorship. Do you think that may have had anything to do with it?

As usual, I don't know if anything I wrote is useful...take what appeals to you and leave the rest.

But remember: they all just want to let you know how much they love you.

Carol

melzmom
Posts: 47
Joined: Apr 2002

Thank you all for responding. Yes ALL of you helped.
The party was wonderful. I am so lucky to have so many people care so much for me and my husband and daughter. The party was like a wedding. It was all about you all day and you just glow. People come up and love and hug you. Everyone feels real good. It was a celebration of hapiness. So many people came and told me how worried they were about me but how glad that I gave them a reason to come celebrate. They all thought my party was a good idea. It was also good because people saw me strong again. For those of them that hadn't seen me in a while I am truly well again.
Oh, it was a great day. I just loved it. I did have some emotional times but I got through it.
Thank you everyone. I post a lot here because I know you'll understand and help me through it. Lia

denises
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2002

Congradulations Lia and CELEBRATE.Enjoy the time of having you're family and friends with you.Don't worry about you're cough it's probably the excitement of it all.So just relax and enjoy and take lots of pictures.

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