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lberes
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2002

Hi. My name is Linda, and am being treated for Stage 11a breast ca. I had my lumpectomy and 32 lymph nodes and setinal node bx 2 weeks ago. I am going in for my oncology consults this week. I am done being "in shock", but now in the anger and depression phase I guess. Not a whole lot of people can understand how I feel ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT with this. It's not as if I had my dx and surgery, and will being having txs soon that's it. No, I wake up everyday, thinking "Dear Lord, I have breast cancer. This is real. This did not get surgically removed and life goes on as usual. I have no idea if it has spread, where, if all of the txs will work as "they think" they will, will I be around in 20 years? Should I stop thinking these things? How? How do you turn it off. How? I have faith in the Lord and a great support system with family, church members, co-workers, friends, but I can't seem to get through all of this. There are times that I can, but mostly I am having alot of trouble with this. I am trying to keep my chin up around my 2 sons (10 yrs and 21 yrs of age), and my hubby of 27 years (although I think he'll agree that I do a pretty decent job in showing my emotions with him). Anyway, please, please, please help, anyone. At this point, I feel overwelmed, frighted, angry, depressed, numb and now questioning my surgeon about all of this. I feel like as if he has withheld some info that he should have told me. I am the type of person that needs to know it all. Nothing held back, that's the only way I know to intelligently make the right decision. Or at least the best decision that I think is right. Again, if anyone can help with suggestions, direction, encouragements, etc. please help.

jeancmici
Posts: 682
Joined: Feb 2001

Linda,
Welcome to the site!

>>will I be around in 20 years?

The answer to the above is impossible to answer for anyone. That's how I turn off the worry - no one has a guarantee of a certain number of years.

What I have found to be a bit depressing is that unlike any other illness, one does have to stay aware of anything that 'might' be something - in other words, I would like to forget the whole thing, but realize that I must be aware of my arm - no heavy lifting etc. - there's always something.

You had a lot of nodes removed with the sentinel node- what was the report on the nodes.

Try to take it one day at a time - discuss with your husband as to how you are feeling - and stay on this site and read others' stories and how they handle their problems.
You will be amazed at the courage here.

Hugs, Jean

judy22
Posts: 119
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Linda. I have been fighting breast ca for 5 yrs. I know all about the feelings you are having I think that is very normal Nome of us know if we will be here 20 yrs from now even if we are healthy.I have an 11 yrs old daughter myself. the way I cope is this. I can either worry myself to death and miss out on my daughters life or I can live every day I can and miss nothing.Hope this helps and if you want to talk my e-mail is evansj22@bellsouth.net Judy

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

Hello Linda,
As you can see we all are very aware of how you must be feeling and with every newbie we feel deeply knowing all the stages we have gone. I can only hope that you soon will see that there is so much more they can do for us today and have learned a thing or two through the years. I am a 5 year survivor who is all too aware of their body and what I need that nothing stops me from addressing the issues as they come. I fight for the quality in my life and know that better things are yet to come. You will soon look around you and realize that many others worse off have survived and continue to fight the fight.
Get it out of your system and I hope that you continue to post your feelings and maybe it will help you get rid of them so that you save energy so that you can get through all you need to in the months to come.
Be good to yourself first,
Tara24242

georgeann
Posts: 44
Joined: Jun 2002

Linda,
I too am new to this, as I was diagnosed with breast cancer only last month. I did the mammatone biopsy procedure and have had sentinel node surgery. Unfortunately I did not have clear margins so I must undergo the lumpectomy again this week. I look at my poor breast, all red and still in pain, and wonder how I will cope. But then I think that there is no other option. There are days that I still get overwhelmed, but reading this site has helped immensely because I know I am not alone.

heavenlee's picture
heavenlee
Posts: 113
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Linda,
My name is Angel. I am really bad at giving advise but I know what you are going thru just as everyone else on this site does. I am currently pregnant and am still getting chemo treatments. I have another boy that is 2 years old. I am 30 years old and always wonder how long I will be around. It's scary, but even the healthy people don't know how long they have. Nobody knows. You have lots of support here thru everything you go through. God Bless. Angel

vjc5199
Posts: 104
Joined: Apr 2002

welcome,Linda,

i'm glad you found this site. i'm relatively new to this site also but one thing i've found is that no 2 women have EXACTLY the same story. that's what makes it so great here. our stories are just different enough so that we can each say that we know what you're going thru. please come to us and vent, cry or just talk. we are all in the same fight even if our cancers are different. we are all here for you. God bless. Vicki :)

shirlann
Posts: 235
Joined: Oct 2001

Hi, Linda, help is a doc visit away! Try anti-depressants. I did and they are a life-saver. They take about 3-6 weeks to work but my onc put my husband and I both on them. They are not addictive so that is good. However when you get your feet back under you it is necessary that you get off of them slowly. They are truly a miracle and I don't know what I would have done without them. Hugs and kisses from your sister, Shirlann

nasa2537
Posts: 317
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Linda, and welcome to the group. When I was diagnosed, I did really well the first few days, doing research on finding physicians, making all the plans, talking to a woman who had already been through it.....and then, one day, I was paying bills, and just started to bawl. My husband looked at me and asked me if I was ok, and I told him I was pretty sure the "crash and burn round" just started. I cried for awhile, which I felt was important at the time, and then I prayed. I just said, "Lord, I can't do this alone. I can't even do it with all my family and friends. I need you to take control of this whole situation and get me through it." I can't explain the feeling of peace I had after that. I just know that I was never scared again. I had one other instance where the word cancer seemed to jump off the page and stopped being a word, and became something I had. I cried all day that day...about anything and everything. But, I was led to fantastic doctors and all went well. I was lucky, and had Stage 1 cancer, but it's still a bit overwhelming. I think you have to think it through....you need to think about the "what-if's" and then you need to trust God and your doctors to get you through this. Think about one step at a time. You have your diagnosis, and now you are going for a consult. Try not to think too much past that...just focus on the consult. Once you have the consult, focus on your next step, which will obviously be some kind of treatment. It becomes way too overwhelming if you try to think too far ahead. Remember that these doctors have been doing this for a long time, and have come across pretty much any situation there can be. I don't think you ever get to a point where you don't think about it any more, but I can tell you that once you get through treatment, it gets easier not to make it the forefront of your thoughts. I still kn ow I have to be cqareful not to cut my hand or do too much heavy lifting with that arm, and am reminded every time I get blood taken that there's a reason I can't do it in that arm. But, I don't dwell on it any more. I think you would drive yourself nuts if you think of it all the time. Concentrate on yourself and getting yourself better right now. Explain to your family that you are going to be emotional, because it's a lot to handle. Let them know if they have any fears or other feelings on the matter, that they should talk to you about it. It really helps everyone involved to get the feelings out in the open. I certainly wish you well, and will pray for you. Keep working on keeping your chin up. You've found a tremendous support group here, so write often, because these women are great. Please keep us informed as to what is going on with you. We'll all be right here for you! God bless, Cyndi

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