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pavan
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2002

This is my first message to a discussion group, ever. I am 33 years old and I have breast cancer. I am in the middle of chemo right now then on to radiation. I have not been involved in any support groups, I am afraid to because I don't think I can really be honest about what I am feeling. I hate to complain, or appear weak. In reality, I am devastated. It is not just the cancer, one week after I received the diagnosis, I found out something that will most likely destroy what I thought was a happy and strong marriage. For one week I had the most amazing support and outlook, then it all came to a screeching halt. I hope this isn't to much information, for me its all part of this experience, try as I may, I cannot take one thing at a time. I am lucky in so many ways, I have great family and friends, I have good insurance, and we are financially secure. I should feel blessed that we have the means to make it through this, instead I only focus on the negative, I feel mortally wounded.

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

Welcome,
I was a survivor of 4 years when I was fortunate to find this amazing site with so many women with their own amazing stories. I can't tell you how much cancer has changed so much for me in my life. I use to be a very well built, athletic woman who took care of their body and has worked on mind for over 10 years. I had read so much about self help I had to learn to read for fun again, instead of trying to understand the person I had become.
I can say that we all wish, hope and pray for the wheels of life to stop turning but they don't. We are either in the game of life or we are out. I think the most amazing strength that women share is the ability to face something like cancer yet often find themselves facing other of life's demons when one would of thought cancer would of been enough. Women still hold their families together even though we see ourselves as falling apart, not knowing anything for sure anymore, so it seems. You are mortally wounded and it will take time to heal. I can say 5 years later and the help of many friends on this site, I finally feel whole again even though there will be many hurdles to cross.
Be good to yourself, we are all learning to cope with all we have been given.
Tara24242

maud
Posts: 183
Joined: Nov 2001

Welcome to the group. It is a wonderful place to share your feelings thoughts and fears.We are all here for each other.My thoughts and prayers are with you, I know this is a difficult time for you. I have been out of treatment since Nov 2000 and it takes a while to adjust to all you go through. Sometimes it is hard to see the positive at first but you will get through this and remember we are all here for you.Fell free to email me anytime.
God Bless
Debbie

nasa2537
Posts: 317
Joined: Apr 2002

Welcome to the group! Don't ever feel like there is anything you can't say here. We have all had our trials, and we have shared them and been helped here. You have found a wonderful, supportive group....a great place to start in a support group!
I am so sorry you are having to deal with things other than cancer. It is unfortunate that life goes on when yours feels like it's in a time warp. You must learn that you are not weak for complaining. You are human, a woman, and scared, and you deserve to complain...especially when it's hard for you to concentrate just on your recovery. You have to put yourself first right now, so if you need to vent your anger or fear, then do it. I think the best thing for you to do is to be honest with your mate about what you are feeling. I also know this is hard to do, and don't know what to say to make it any easier. You are going through so many changes right now. If I learned one thing with my cancer, it was that I am no longer afraid to say what I feel. I saw my own mortality, and decided life was too short not to be forthcoming. But this is a place you have to get to on your own. You have lots of support here,so we will all be behind you and try to help you through this. Take care of you, and e-mail any time. Best wishes, Cyndi millionairs2@aol.com

llange's picture
llange
Posts: 54
Joined: Dec 2001

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I just turned 38 years old, and I was diagnosed in November. I am currently going through chemo, and will begin radiation in June. During the time of my diagnosis and surgery, my family also went through a period that I never thought could happen to me. My 22 yr old stepson (who we thought was an all-American college student) was caught dealing marijuana. He then went undercover as a deal to get out of going to jail, and 2 other people were arrested. While I was waiting for my pathology results, we had to evacuate him, his sister and roommate from their house because another person they tried to arrest got away. For 2 days we waited for pathology results and for this person to be arrested. These were the 2 most difficult days of my life, and I also felt mortally wounded. They finally made the arrest, my stepson has cooperated fully and will probably not get jail time, and he is now drug free for the first time in many years. He's now getting a 3.5 GPA in college and will graduate in Dec. a new and better person. The strain on my marriage has been unbelievable, and I understand the overwhelming feelings.

Many of the women on this site are going through some incredibly trying circumstances, with or without cancer, and many will understand what you are going through. I've also learned that it's ok to feel down and negative, and I just have to keep going and eventually I'll get through this. I've really leaned on my family and friends, and they've all come through.

Please feel free to email me at llange@execpc.com. God bless!
Lisa

shirlann
Posts: 235
Joined: Oct 2001

Hi, my dear and welcome. We will all help you any way we can. First of all, I strongly advise you to ask your doc for anti-depressants. They are not addictive and you can stop them in a year or two when you get your feet back under you. This whole thing is a f-----king nightmare! Despite all the cheery comments, it is very, very hard and to add to this another family crisis, is just too cruel. The anti-depressants just about saved my life. Just before I started my radiation, mymidle son had a car accident and broke his neck in 3 places. He is fine, but I don't know when I will recover. For now, you just have to survive, take any means to that end. In one year, you will not believe how much better things will look. We have all been there, disaster piled on disaster, then my oldest son had a heart attack at 47 last November. I am wondering which one in this family ran over a gypsy! We need to find her and apologize quick! Anyway, know you are enveloped in our love and concern, e-mail me any time you need someone to talk too, and God bless you and keep you safe in His arms. Hugs & kisses, Shirlann PS, you don't have to be honest about anything you don't want to be, some things you can talk about and some things just hurt too much! I understand.

bullfrog13's picture
bullfrog13
Posts: 216
Joined: Apr 2002

Dear Mortally wounded.. email me .. at ribbitfrog13@icqmail.com and we can talk more..if you want.. Jeirlyn

junebug
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2002

Dear pavan,
I HEAR you loud and clear. My family was not there for me. My husband was grossed out by the whole surgery and chemo. He provided transportation to hospital and that's about all. I asked the surgeon Not to give him any negative information - to save it for me - because he couldn't handle it.
This has Not helped our marriage. Now that I am in the recovery stage things have deteriorated to the point that I am trying to find someplace to go. Health insurance and finances are the only thing keeping me tethered.
I can't let the little positive energy I have left be destroyed.....
I understand, really, how you are feeling mortally wounded. I'm also trying to work through this. We really need to save whatever precious time we have with something positive,
don't you think?
Junebug

bettyblu
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2002

Keep your hope and faith alive - as difficult as that is right now. I was treated for BC at age 32 (am now 35) - CAT & Radiation. Am now on tamoxifen. Life may be throwing you lemons, but please believe that things happen for a reason. You may not realize those reasons now, but someday you will. If you need inspiration, watch "The Shawshank Redemption" (movie starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman). (I truly believe in Cinematherapy). If you want to chat with another "young" survivor, please feel free to e-mail me b.blum@hosp.wisc.edu. Hang in there!

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