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Anyone with AA Husband?

sickoncomp
Posts: 12
Joined: Mar 2002

Tomorrow I go in for lumpectomy. Husband, with nearly 10 yrs sobriety, breast man, couldn't even look at biopsy site. Being stoic, not worried about him drinking but he's really uptight. REALLY uptight.Need suggsestions, e-mail site he can turn to. Something. Please suggest.

I'm okay. A little worried about pathology but will deal with my problems when I know what they are.

jmears
Posts: 270
Joined: Jul 2001

Hi Jane
My husband kept calling it the "We Disease". Has your husband read up on everything like you have? He could read this site and see that all us gals are plugging along. Everyone processes fear differently and he may need to "not know" or see anything. I'm sure he'll be fine. Does he go to meetings? That may be a good vent. As for you ... the lumpectomy is easy and my surgery breast looks better than the other! Good luck. Jamie

crickless
Posts: 14
Joined: Jul 2001

Dear Friend, there are 2 things I will suggest because they helped me and hubby too. First is the excellent book, "Lisa's Story". Written by Tom Batiuk, creator of the strip "Funky Winkerbean", the book was given to me by a friend. It tells the story in comic strip fashion of Lisa and Funky when Lisa is diagnosed with breast cancer and follows them through her treatment. It covers a lot of situations and issues and makes them seem less frightening because of the comic-strip format. My husband, too, was very upset and very uptight. But he couldn't talk about this problem. However, he could and DID read the book. It helped both of us.
The other thing that was so important for both of us is the fact that I was able to reach out to friends and family and say, "I'm in trouble here and I need you". (I actually did announce and explain all of this in an EMAIL and that's how I told even my mom and my 2 sisters.) The reason I think that was important for my husband is that BECAUSE he was not able to talk about BC very often or very much, he could see how much my friends and family helped me with their love and support, and so he didn't worry about me QUITE so much. He saw all the cards and letters that came in the mail, the food and flowers and other small gifts that were dropped off during short visits. All the love and attention I was getting helped me, but almost as important is that it helped him too. Sometimes I think my illness was harder on him than on me. I think it's likely a lot of women in our position could say the same thing. That's just my 2 cents worth. I hope there's some help somewhere in what I've said, for you and your husband. God bless you both. You'll get through this, and you will be okay.
--Caroline

martinbikermom's picture
martinbikermom
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2002

YES I HAVE AA HUSBAND AND AM 9YR SURVIVOR OF BREAST CANCER. HE HAS BEEN OF GREAT HELP TO ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS. I AM SO FAR COMPLETELY CLEAR OF CANCER. HE ALSO WAS WITH ME WHEN I NURSED MY TWIN THROUGH THIS DREADED DISEASE.
THE ONLY THING IS OUR SEX LIFE IS NON EXISTANT ON BOTH SIDES. BUT WE HAVE FOUND SUCH A DEEP LOVE. AND WE HAVE NOT LET THIS RUIN OUR MARRIAGE. HAVE YOU TRIED ALANON? IT IS FOR THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF THE ALCOHOLIC. AND IT WOULD HELP YOU A LOT. AM PRAYING FOR YOU. ONE DAY AT A TIME

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