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mmmm2
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2002

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 1997, it has been nearly 5 years. I was on tamoxifen until Feb 2002. I am not on Arimidex because in November 2001 I found out I have uterine cancer. It was caused by the tamoxifen.
I had a complete hysterectomy at the end of November and I am back at work.
I feel afraid. My mother had breast cancer, then thyroid cancer and passed from lung cancer. My husband and daughter are very supportive, but I cant tell them how afraid I am that the cancer will come back again. I am waiting for the results of my first of quarterly pap smears. Has anyone else experienced this? My doctor has advised my to begin taking an antidepressant. I dont think I want to, but I dont want to feel like this anymore. I want to be happy and feel well.

maud
Posts: 183
Joined: Nov 2001

I think we all have that fear in the back of our minds.My faith in the Lord helps me get through those times, I know that no matter what happpens he will be by my side all the way.I lost my sister in June 2001 to breast cancer also.Maybe it would help you if you disccused your feelings with your family. I know waiting for the tests results is the worst. We are all here for you whenever you need us . I will keep you in my prayers.Keep us posted.You can email me anytime on the site.
God Bless
Debbie

hollywood
Posts: 11
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Debbie,
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister, I'm assuming your recovering also?
Our Lord & Savior holds us more I believe not that we're someone special or anything. I just feel He's close to us...watching & listening.

Test results are the worse....holding our breath, we may have a record breaking time here, you think...tehe! I will be recovering 2y in 12/02.
Just wanted to say hi & chat a bit w/ you.
God Bless
keri

hollywood
Posts: 11
Joined: Apr 2002

I believe our thoughts of the cancer returning are normal but for some it can become very over-whelming! I too....fear the return of my cancer & I have even put myself into anxiety,panic attacks & now possible heart problems that may stem from the stress of all my anxiety. I take 5mg xanax at times when I can't seem to pull myself together...meds may help you too. It's ok to need help.*S*

Breath....try to think good thoughts & disown the cancer. I have changed my entire life style completly. I listen to contempory christian music now, it keeps me focused. I pray alot....to myself,silently & out loud. I go to support groups & now I have applied for volunteer work w/ the "Reach to Recovery" program & have volunteered to head the entertainment for next years "Relay for Life".

Hope this has helped... I am hear if you need to talk ok.
Good Luck & God Bless
Keri

jmears
Posts: 270
Joined: Jul 2001

As soon as I finished treatment I started obsessing about the cancer coming back ... every ache and pain scare me. My Oncologist gave me Zoloft (anti-deppressant) which I took for two months and felt much better ... then I found that my thyroid was low so I started Sythroid and stopped the Zoloft. In about two months I was a basket case ... my family and freinds noticed a change and I cried about everything. I had thoughts about the cancer and that if it came back I wouldn't fight it. I went to a Pychologist who sent me to a Pychiatrist who put me on 75 mg. of Zoloft. My Oncologist had called it right and I should have stayed on the Zoloft. I tryed backing of my dose to 50 mg. and could feel a drop in mood. The medication helps me so much. I still have ups and downs, I still obsess about the cancer ... I read this site a couple times a day... but I feel more normal and everyone sees I'm better. It can't hurt to try an antidepressant. Some people can't take Zoloft ... I have no bad side effects ... but there are many good medications. If you don't want to see a Pychiatrist ... your medical doctor (GP or Oncologist) may prescribe something for you. It's important to have a positive attitude and we need to get help however it may come to us. Good luck. Jamie

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I don't think one stays stuck in something because they are having more problems. Your fears are warranted and now one must learn to move beyond them and sometimes it can be as simple as realizing what you have control over and what you do not.
All any of us can do is try to see life in a whole other light than what we have been use to with the treatment faze of things. I have been to two conferrences now and can tell you how common it is for women to fear life itself, because of their fears of reoccurances. I think cancer patients have to learn to survive in spite of it all because there are far more negatives than postivies going through the whole healing expereince. The one common cry is that we must not learn to neglect our bodies voices because we have become complacent or live in denial. We are our own best advocates and one must never loose sight of it and health authorities need to be reminded of it. I have learned to take the most realistic approach and that is to listen to everything my body is saying.
We all want to be happy and well and return to life in some normal capacity but for some of us accepting what is, is as simple as it gets and learning to move forward one step at a time, never being dragged back to places we don't want to be.
Be good to yourself always,
Tara

pamtriggs's picture
pamtriggs
Posts: 408
Joined: Sep 2000

I am so sorry you are so down right now. Believe me you have good reason to be but you have to look at the cancer experience as an opportunity to change your life. Don't look at it as totally negative experience. I have found so many new friends through this time. I have found I am stronger than I ever beleived possible & I have made some big changes in my life like dealing with negative feelings I had with some family members. You need to look at the negatives in your life & try to resolve them. If they won't respond just put them behind you knowing you did your best. I have had to give up work but I am taking up study again & am going to go back to college & taking another degree. We all have to find our own salvation but brooding on what might be is not the way. Why worry it might never happen. I had 19 trouble free years without worry about recurrence & I am grateful for those years. I could have had 19 years of stress unneccessarily. Now it has returned is the time to fight again. But I refuse to worry any more. It is a negative feeling that can't help in the long run. I hope your pap smears are fine but even if they are not just get on with the fight again. You have already shown tremndous strength in getting through what you have. Give yourself some credit. Try to talk to a good friend if you don't want to talk to your family. But try. I think you will find they have the same fears & you can only strengthen each other. Keep in touch. Love & hugs
Pam

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