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re:gdpawel

bdean
Posts: 262
Joined: Feb 2001

To you sir, I am so sorry for your pain over the loss of your life mate. Please, try to be thankful for the good and numerous years you had together. Like the other ladies have said, I will be so grateful if I get even 12 years. I know it is only human nature to want to grow old 'about 100', and die naturally in your sleep, side by side with the love of your life; but this is life, and death happens to all of us sooner or later. We have to embrace the day and enjoy it to its fullest, because tomorrow may never come. Beating your head against the wall trying to figure out if your wife would have lived longer if something different had been done is not going to help you heal. Remember all the good things that you two shared. Don't be bitter she is no longer here to make more memories, but be thankful you had someone so wonderful to love. I know it was horrible and terrifying for you to watch her loose her grasp on life and the suffering she went through. She is at peace and free of pain now. Do you think she would want you to continue in this way, or would she want you to be able to go forth with your life?
You must realize though that you upset some of these ladies with the most harsh of truths in a few areas.
I, too, have heard medical people say they would never have chemo except for certain cancers. In fact, my own surgeon (whom I have known for many years) told me that if he were diagnosed with certain type of cancer and only a certain type of toxic chemo might work but probably would not, then he would 'just go fishing' and stay as long as he could. If your chances of recovery are less than 20% and the chemo is going to make you deathly sick and have hardly a chance of even helping for a few weeks, then I would not subject myself to this torture, but would want to enjoy what time I might have left.
I do agree that we are short changed by our oncologists---they are willing to tell us we only have 'x' number of months to live; but seem to hesitate to give out ALL the side effects to their treatments. We are usually too scared and upset at our diagnosis to do more than trust this doctor; and only later find the brain power to start researching for ourselves. I would be afraid to have chemo just 'to be on the safe side' simply because of all I have found out what it can do to our bodies even years from now. We have to do the best we can, with what we have to work with. It has improved 1000% since my friend died from breast cancer 14 years ago, when she allowed the doctors to use her as a guinna pig when hers' metatasized. I will always believe the chemo killed her much sooner than the cancer would have.
No one knows how their hearts will hold up to chemo either. They are suppose to check your heart, but mine never was until I showed them an article about heart failure and chemo. You do have to learn all you can through research because even the best of doctors are never completely open about the harshness of the side effects - just the usual ones.
It is all they have to work with today and most doctors do the very best they can for their patients---a few don't however, and that is why we need forums like this to direct us where to look and what to look for.
Thank you 'gdpawel' for reminding us to always ask 'why' and 'get a second opinion' if treatments sound too aggressive.
I don't want the 'cure' to kill me; and no one else does either.
We must all pray for God to lead us to the right decision.
Many prayers and God bless you all,
Brenda

gdpawel's picture
gdpawel
Posts: 545
Joined: May 2001

Again, my wife wanted me to put my anger and bitterness into constructive research, education and exposure of the conventional way patients are being treated for cancer. In her honor, I am doing just that. Thank you for listening, her death will not be in vain.

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