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Please help me to feel better

momof2
Posts: 81
Joined: Jun 2001

I have been so down. Especially after today. I know that this is going to seem selfish. I have now gained a total of 12 pounds from chemo. I am just so upset about it. I had worked so hard to lose 25 pounds and now half of it is back and none of my clothes fit. All I seem to do is cry and no matter what I do I just seem to keep gaining. I have always had this fear of being overweight and now my fear is coming true. I can't seem to handle it very well. I follow my Weight Watchers Program as well as go to the gym four times a week. I have finished my chemo, but still have 49 herceptin treatments left. Any suggestions on what I can do to lose this weight or to get myself feeling better. As if losing my breasts and hair isn't enough to deal with some days. I feel as though I am becoming very depressed. I know at least I am still here and this is so trivial, but if I had to lose my hair and my breasts, I at least wanted to keep my figure. I have a hard time with all of these things. I have been diagnosed so young (I'm 24). My friends don't really understand and everyone always seems to stare. I didn't bother me in the beginning, but now I am just having such a hard time. Thank you so much for all of the great advice you all have given me in the past. The support here is so wonderful, I don't know what I would do without it. God Bless you all! Carrie

jbeardslee's picture
jbeardslee
Posts: 76
Joined: Jul 2001

Hi Carrie,

Just remember that you have many people who love and care about you. I know it's more difficult some days than others and it's easy to get depressed. You are very young to be going thru all of this....I'm sure I couldn't have handled it as well as you are. This is one of the toughest battles you will face and you have come a long way already. It's great that you are getting out and exercising at the gym, just be sure to get the rest you need as well. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. We're here for you.
Hugs.....judy

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I remember Carrie feeling just as you are at the age of 36 with a teen boy. I had been a single parent for more than 11 years and worked to live out of poverty. I spent more time away at my job than I did raising my son. It was hard for him, now this to boot.
I too ballooned with every treatment and it didn't stop with radiation. I quit smoking along the way and only gained about 5 lbs because I had already put on 40 lbs. You know what, I didn't care, I was too focused on surviving the chemo let alone anything else. My son was a mess, I was the only constant, along with my family in his life. People had come and gone along the way. We had just moved to another city another province when I was diagnosed with this disease. I ate what ever it took, anything to get down the throat. I wasn't chopping my guts all over or anything but I was ill and on the couch mostly. Not any way of living I had thought about. Our kids are smarter than we are. We have all these other opinions impacting our own way of thinking. Children only know the now and their experiences just beginning. I should of listened to mine more along the way.
It has been 5 years since diagnosis, my survivors date. The rest I don't want to remember but do. I have just lost 25 lbs of all the weight I gained. I have learned to eat well again. Fruits and vegetables make up the majority of my diet, the rest is purely for enjoyment not so much a conscious effort. I love to eat and BBQ is my favorite and still do it even with all I have heard.
It gets better Carrie. Your in for the long hall. I almost felt at a bit of an advantage over someone who was a rack of bones. I had plenty to fight with if I couldn't eat for a time. They on the other hand had nothing so would be in trouble. I also remember my grandmother ballooning on her treatment. In those days it was cobalt.
Still the crash and burn effect.
e-mail anytime. I read mine almost daily.
Be good to yourself and try and relax. Sometimes we are hardest on ourselves and that plays out in our lives.
Be good to yourself,
Tara

jeancmici
Posts: 682
Joined: Feb 2001

Hi Carrie,

You have a lot on your plate - for sure - but Tara is right about the weight. Years ago and even sometimes now people die from malnutrition. Never worry about weight when you're on chemo - just be glad, as she said, that you have some lbs. to spare when your appetite drops which may be often.

Good luck - you have a lot of people here wishing you the best.

Jean

reni
Posts: 24
Joined: Jul 2001

Carrie,
Its really tough what we are going through. I have also been having a rough time feeling depressed. But I awoke this morning and it was a better day. We have to allow ourselves some down days knowing that with Gods love they will be few and far between.
You are in my prayers - 24 seems so young. I thought I was young at 35 but I have a decade on you. Regardless of age it hits us all hard. Stay strong. We love you.
Reni

lucy
Posts: 160
Joined: Nov 2000

Carrie - Don't let this weight gain get you down. You are going to fight this battle with all you have - you are young and you will be able to lose this weight. You need to take care of yourself now and thank God for your life - God never gives us more than we can handle. I also gained weight from my chemo and am trying to lose, but no way will it be that important to me any more. We have too much else to be thankful for.
God Bless You - Lucy

jacki4444
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2001

I can'give you any advice , just wanted to let you know your in my prayers. jacki

maryh
Posts: 33
Joined: Jul 2001

Carrie: I am so sorry that you are down. My cancer was DCIS, confined. All was removed with my bilateral mastectomy last month. I do not need chemo, therefore I do not know, first hand, what you are going thru. I do, however, have a weight problem that I constantly struggle with. Diet and exercise! You appear to be doing that, so I assume the weight gain is treatment related? Ask your doctor. If so, the best thing you can do for yourself is accept the fact that it is only temporary. Get a positive attitude...like yourself! Stop worrying about what others think. It's okay to be self-centered during this time and think only about what's best for you. (I've had my share of the looks and the double-takes, too). It will get better! Hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you get better, more helpful, responses from other chemo patients. Mary

pamtriggs's picture
pamtriggs
Posts: 408
Joined: Sep 2000

Dear Carie
Try not to feel too down. The anti nausea meds they give you are steroids which weight watchers & athletes use to bulk up so it's pretty hopeless trying to lose while you are n them. I use a homeopathic anti-nausea called NAUSYN which does not put on weight. I am on Adriamycin chemo & have lost 13 kg over 5 treatments. Give it a try. It will soon be over & then you can get back on your program & soon be back to what you were with no Breast cancer either. Hang on in there my friend. Lots of love. Pam

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