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isaiah4031
Posts: 243
Joined: Jun 2001

I cant stand the pain that my daughter is going through. When I shared the stuff my onc said about the chemo, she was so scared. I know she's thinking about not going back to college in Florida (I'm in California). She needs to keep living her life. I'm not giving up and I plan to be here for a long time, but she's afraid. Please if you have any thing that I can share with her to ease her fears, please share it with me. I hate what this disease is doing to my family. Thank you so much for being there for me. Jayne

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mjdp2
Posts: 142
Joined: Nov 2000

Jayne,
My daughter was going thru finals at UCSD when I was diagnosed in 7/98. I had a lumpectomy, A/C chemo and one Taxol, radiation and am now on Tamoxifen. I was stage IIB and am now doing fine. Prayers from family and church friends kept me going. I would also sing spiritual songs, verses that come to mind are "and when I don't know what to do, I will lay all my burdens upon You." Now when I go on my daily walks I sing "and He will lift you up on Eagles wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His hands." After recovery I changed jobs and am now teaching at a Christian school and volunteering for the Am. Cancer Society. If you live near Thousand Oaks area in Calif. consider walking as a survivor in our Relay 9/29. I am co-chairing the survivors' walk with an ovarian cancer survivor. Right now you and your family are walking in "the valley" but it is by walking thru the valleys that God shows you how to get back to the mountain top. Tell you daughter not to worry "but by prayer and petition, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your mind and your heart in Christ Jesus". God bless, Margaret

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lindysu
Posts: 59
Joined: Jan 2001

dear jayne,
the fear of what could happen ,is ,in most cases blown way out of porportion to what actually does happen. before I started chemo, I sat down with my teenagers and explained all the side effects and how I might be sick alot and would need for them to pull up the slack ...well aside from mouth sores the first week, losing my hair the second week and some mild cramps for 2 days after each treatment, the only change was that I took more naps and went to bed earlier at night.......my kids kept looking at me and saying "I thought you were going to be sick, you're not sick at all"
Fear is just a tool of the enemy to keep us from stepping out in faith, and recieving a blessing. Over and Over again in the Word it says "Fear not" "Be not afraid" "Let not your heart be troubled" ...why? because God knew we are going to have to deal with fear alot...we can't keep fear from coming to us but we don't have to recieve it. We need to agressively come against fear and doubt! Boldness and Courage is the character of Faith. Where the mind goes the man follows..
tell your daughter to think positive healing thoughts..to lean on ,trust in and rely on the lord with all her heart for he is our physician, and he is a loving God,encourage her to read the Word..in psalms it says that it is the word itself that heals us......I have found this to be very true........love lindy

akpatterson
Posts: 12
Joined: Feb 2001

Dear Jayne,
The experience that you are going through is so much more frightening for your family. As you go through each step, you become more resolved to beat this disease and more confident that you will beat it. Please tell your daughter about this wonderful web site and all of your newfound friends who have been where you are and will share our experiences with you and help get you through this. As you go through this, you really need to focus your efforts on yourself and your healing. Find out what type of support groups that you have available to you. "The Wellness Community" is an organization in Atlanta that offers all types of cancer support groups and classes. They also offer Yoga, Chemotheraphy 101, and Stress Reduction classes, free of charge. If your daughter is aware of all of the various support organization that are available to you, she may feel more comfortable going back to school. Please feel free to contact me as you go through this. I have recently completed my chemo and will be starting my radiation very soon. Good luck to you and your family.
Angie

sharon_buck
Posts: 64
Joined: May 2001

My children are 17 and 21 when I was told my daoghter was my shadow again like when she was youg. As I went through the treatments and like many did better then I thought we ajusted to this routine stay very positive which it sounds like you are doing life has many journeys for us and I guess God feels we must go through this. She has a life ahead and must continue on her way and know you are a phone call away. Soon your radiation and chemo will be behind you then the new paths begin. take care Sharon

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

Jayne,
Lots of us have children and they have gotten through it as we have. I think the thing to understand is that this is just apart of life, another hurdle to jump. You will never lesson their fears but you can show them you are fighting on. You will be amazed at the strength that is within us all. We all have to learn to cope with the life we have been given. Whatever that maybe. You need to worry about yourself and save that energy for the fight of your life. It is time they were there for you.
24242Tara

jbeardslee's picture
jbeardslee
Posts: 76
Joined: Jul 2001

Jayne,
I am the 20 year old daughter of a breast cancer survivor. My mom was diagnosed with cancer June 5th of this year, only 5 days before I was to leave for a 6 week summer session at my university. I was not across the country as your daughter will be, but I was just as concerned and scared for my mom. I only had a few days to make the decision whether to go or not and it was a tough one. I was able to meet with my mom's primary doctor, as well as the onc that we visited for the second opinion, which helped me tremendously. I sat down with my mom and told her I wanted stay home if that was what would be best for her. After only a short discussion we decided that the more we allowed this disease to affect us and our plans, the harder it would make everything. I realized that if I stayed, it would be one more thing for my mom to deal with- always thinking that she was the reason I missed a one time opportunity. My mom needed her strength and will to win the fight, not feel guilty for me staying home. On the 10th of June my parents dropped me off at school and went home to continue the fight. I was in touch with my mom several times daily, via phone and email. I was able to be at school and continue with my plans, and my mom was able to progress with her treatment. It helped to have my friends at school there to support me on the tough days, and it was helpful for my mom to know that I was able to conitue with my plans but only be a phone call away. I am happy to report that I finished my 6 week program, and my mom finished her fight with cancer. On the 22nd of June she had a modified radical masectomy with no lymph node involvement.
I would encourage your daughter to keep in close contact with her friends from college while she is home now, and that way if she does decide to go back, they will be right there with her. It will be by no means an easy choice, but speaking as someone who made the choice to go, it was the best thing I could have done for both myself and my mom. If your daughter would like to email me with questions or just to chat I would be more than happy to. My email is mbeardsl@bucknell.edu. Good luck with your treatments, you and your daughter are in my prayers.

Michelle

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