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can't do this anymore

Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2001

wanted to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement..but I just can't do this any longer. My nerves are totally shot and I hate the fact I'm sick all the time. My mood is terrible and I have pushed away the love of my life......and have lost him, which is totally my own fault. But I have decided I can't let him be close to me while I'm this way. Forgive me everyone for not being able to hang in there. I wish all of you the best of luck...but this one has seemed to fail. :-(

Posts: 114
Joined: Feb 2001

Blondie, I hope that you are still there.

We all have days when we feel down and don't think that we can make it. It will pass. Please let us know what your treatment plan is so that we can help talk you through this. Sounds like you have treatment once a week. I think that if I had to go every week, I would be having a real hard time. Please don't go this alone, and as I said DON'T GIVE UP!! Please e-mail me through this site if I can be of help to you. I really would like to get to know you and hep you in anyway that I can. (As for the boyfriend---sounded like he really loves you. If that is true, he'll still be there when you are ready.) Please put your faith in the Lord and let Him hold your hand through all of this. My prayers are with you.....I hope that you will continue to fight this battle and be victorious. Please stay in touch.

Blessings and hugs.....Wendy

Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2001

Wendy........you can e-mail me here at my work: VJones@adamsmark.com if you'd like. I'm sorry...but guess I don't have a whole lot to look forward. peep doesn't want to wait for me to get thru this....he tried to be patient, but I've tried to explain why I don't want him here with me during this crap...but he just doesn't understand what I am trying to say...so I guess we'll never meet now....this thing has ruined my entire life...crappy as it was, but it was getting better since he came into my life....now it's worse than ever. sorry

Posts: 130
Joined: Nov 2000

Hi Blondie, Please just hang in there. For me the first part of this was the hardest. It is just so overwhelming with all the information they are giving you & all you have to deal with. You can get through all of this. Look deep inside yourself for strength. I am usually one to freak out about anything but somehow I have really handled this quit well. I have done a lot of praying & each time things just seem to be to much then a calm will come over me. I will keep you in my prayers that God will give you the strength you need to face this. As far as your boyfriend, I don't really know what to say. I know you need someone there to support you through this. It is just to hard alone. My husband has been so supportive though it all. If you really love each other you can make this work. If he really cares for you the way you look & what you are going through right now won't matter to him. You've got to be there for each other during the good times as well as the bad. You hang in there. I wish you the very best. Judy

lindysu's picture
Posts: 59
Joined: Jan 2001

blondie honey, in the past 2 weeks you have been dx with cancer, and had a mastectomy. your body, mind and emotions are still in shock from this drastic change in your life. everything has happened too fast and you need to take some time to recover your emotions.Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy and should realize how hard it is too make decicions while your mind is still reeling from feelings of being betrayed by ones own body.You need to make yourself the # 1 priority and concentrate on healing. Peep.. you need to support and be there for blondie, but not put any pressure on her,that would add to the anxiety and stress she already is dealing with.don't be hurt if she needs a little space...be patient with each other and take it one step at a time... blondie...cancer may have taken a piece of you but don't let it take your spirit...find the courage within you now to fight back...you can do it!... you are not alone......lindy

Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2001

your kinds words made me cry....thank you.....i'm trying

sueholm's picture
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2000

Blondie...ok lecture coming...now you stop feeling sorry for yourself...and stop making decisions for other people! you haven't lost him....and you are NOT giving up! Come on.....just take it one day at a time...stop looking so far ahead....concentrate on today and getting through it as best you can...that is all you have to do....look after yourself today...tomorrow will take care of itself...Don't you dare give up! Ok, you hear me? Now, I want you to find a post where someone else needs some help and you give them some support...focus on some other people today...not yourself...come on blondie..you can do it...I know you can....Love Susan( who also lost love of life recently)

Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2001

Susan i'm trying.....I really am

sueholm's picture
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2000

blondie....trying doesnt count..yu have to DO....now get hold of that guy and invite him to come see you.....what's the worst that can happen...he can say no....and then you know that is his decision...or he can come, take one look at you and leave...and then you know that is his decision..And maybe he will come and he wont leave! but you have NO RIGHT to make his decisons for him....We get opportunities for happiness Blondie...and we can throw them away or take the risk of finding out wether they will work out.....you got cancer already...so you might as well throw caution to the wind and go for it....or you can spend your time whining about what you have lost. It's your choice...it makes not a damn bit of difference to any of us what you do...but it mkes a lot of difference to you..come on...take the chance...find out!
As for me, I got together with a guy after finding I had cancer...it didnt work, but it had NOTHING to do with my cancer...I decided I couldnt handle HIS problems...Let me know what happens...take the adventure blondie...I'll be real pissed if you dont! Love susan...ps Where are yu?

Posts: 160
Joined: Nov 2000

Hi blondie - NO, NO, NO --we are SURVIVORS
and, we do NOT give up now. We have survived this cancer disease for a reason - now we have to fulfill God's wishes for us.
I remember feeling like you do now when I was going through treatment, and I never had boyfriend problems, my husband has been overly supportive. The fact that you are having problems with the boyfriend, is what is getting the best of you. If he really cares for you, let him be by your side, because you need support from loved ones now.
Don't push him away if he wants to help you.
Once your treatments are over, you will feel so very much better. I had 4 treatments of AC and got really sick from my first one - the second and third were not as bad -but the last one was terrible - I also thought I would never make it. I cried lots and lots of days, but prayed to God for help - and I did survive it all. My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.
Love, Lucy

Posts: 292
Joined: Oct 2000

ok, Blondie, that's it. I am going to kick your sorry arse!! I have just had my eighth dose of Taxol and can barely concentrate, but thought i would check in just in case, and I am glad that I did. You are NOT going to give up.You ARE going to call your boyfriend and then see your family Dr for help in getting over these feelings. It is very hard, but we have all been there and are still doing it. I have a nine year old son ,a three year old son and a wondrful hubby, do you think I never felt like giving up? But then I realized that it is not all about me. My family,friends and God are also playing a huge part in this fight. You have to open up to people and ask for help,use medication, seek counselling,throw something. Whatever works, but never ever tell us you are giving up. It is bad enough this ***** disease takes us out, we have to fight it tooth and nail and show others out there that it can be done. You WILL get through this because we will help you,we are family and we dont give up on each other.I hope I made some sort of sense, but you should consider yourself lucky that I am still wacked out from the chemo, or you really would have got a tongue lashing!! Stay strong,get happy ,callyour man and tell him you need him. We love and need you as much as you need us. Dont ever forget that.
Hugs and butt kicks from tiger.

Posts: 335
Joined: Aug 2000

Rosa, I could not have said it better!!!! Blondie, follow Tiger's advice and you will get thru this. And as Susan told you, talk to someone else that you can help. Helping someone else takes your mind away from your problems. I am older than all the others here and my advice about the boyfriend is... stop worrying about him and concentrate on ridding yourself of this cancer. Research and find out all you can about it. Keep a journal and stay in touch with all of us here. We will fuss at you but we do it out of love and true caring. Get TOUGH, it's not always easy but you will get stronger as time passes. Love to you, Nancy

Posts: 1416
Joined: Mar 2001

Dearest blondie,
We all know how you must be feeling. I encourage you to truly take good look around you. We all have had moments where we feel like giving up. I can't tell you how sick and tired I was of being ill after 2 1/2 years.
blonde, you do have to think of others and it was through that thought process I realized I was getting through it. I walked away from my religion years ago but I did pray. I always have as it turns out. I prayed I had the strength to endure that was it and that was all. I had a son to think about, my lover was half out the door half the time, because it got a bit much. We survived, we are still together and I can't say any of the others could of done it.
Our minds go round and round and never stop with out the sound of our fear. I never read so much waiting in doctors offices, waiting for blood tests, waiting for chemo treatments to end and of coarse waiting my turn for the radiation room. Know that you are not alone. Please find something to feel good about even though it is the worse time of your life. I had moved out here to the west coast of Canada. I loved the green grass and the flowers that bloom so early. I was use to 1 1/2 months of real growth. I would giggle with the smell of life, everything that grows. Then I heard, "Where there is a garden there is HOPE". I just couldn't get any simpler than that.
Rest your wearie mind, take care of yourself first for you are truly number one.
Tara 24242
Thinking of you,
Tara 24242

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 2000

Dear Blondie

There are a lot of good ladies out there giving you support. Please, please don't give in (easier said than done I know) but try and have faith - the power of prayer does work and also have a bloody good cry as I always think it works for me. I'm sure that your boyfriend will be there for you when you are ready. I wish you luck with your treatment and I know that you will get through this.
best wishes - Lynnephil

Posts: 39
Joined: Apr 2001

Dear Blondie,
NEVER,NEVER give up. We are hear for you. You do not have to go it alone. I am not one to cry but I have hollard a few times and may throw something now and then. When I am done my husband ask me if I feel better and it does. At first he would not know what too think. Now he just lets me go at it if I have a bad day. My journey was long (felt that way to me) but I am close to the light at the end of the tunnel and I thank God every day to beable to enjoy it.
Far as your boyfriend is concerned don't worry about it, if its ment to be he will be there if not then you will find someone else. Don't fret the small stuff. You must stay strong and postive. We all have our bad days. You are not alone in this fight. We are hear for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Please, please never give up!!!
Hang tight. I will be praying for you. Take care and God bless.
Many hugs Leanne

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