Feb 15, 2001 - 9:11 am
Hi there ladies. Well, here I go again, I am going to ramble and leave it to you to try and make some sense of it all. I feel like just freaking out, I want to sit down by myself and cry and cry ,but I feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing. I have been so positive and strong through all of this, but now I am getting so scared again, I have a ct scan coming up in March, I know in my head and my heart that it is going to be ok, but being a woman, well those irrational thoughts and emotions are kicking in. I have been keeping myself busy, trying not to think about it, but it seems as if my mind is in a deep funk right now. I know I have cancer, but just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.Being cooped up in the house with a rambunctious three year old does not help. It is even too cold to go outside to play. -40 today. Brr.I know things will be ok, there really is no other option for me, I think part of it is that i am finally able to relax my guard for a bit. going through chemo was rough, but I HAD to keep my mind strong and positive, and now that i am done and things so far are looking good, I think I am let down that I can relax, I am a fighter at heart. I heard from Pat Sharkey the other day, and I cried, I was so happy, she is pretty much feeling the same way i am, but I was able to talk her up, and I felt stronger afterwards. Maybe I should go on the road, preaching to cancer patients, then I would be really strong!!! Thank you for letting me ramble again, I have to sign off, my youngest is hungry, AGAIN!!