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What is the deal with men?!

tiger
Posts: 292
Joined: Oct 2000

Ok Ladies, this is going to be a huge "vent fest "
I need to vent off before I bury my husband in a snow bank until the spring thaw. You cant live with them, yet it is against the law to keep them chained up in the shed!! I think i need to start a petition to change that law! Ok, just because I am not working at the moment, instead staying home, looking after my family and my house,trying to remain stress free so I can continue to fight for my life; does that mean that I am now Molly Maid?!! I keep my house spotless and meals on the table(most of the time), do they think their clean clothes are put away everyday by elves? and I guess it must be the Tooth Fairey who cleans the dirty bathrooms because they cannot hit the toilet bowl!! Why dont men sit to pee? It would save alot on cleaners!! So when I say" Honey could you take out a loaf of bread from the freezer so I can make lunches in the morning" is that too much to ask? It must be, because morning comes and my son takes a sandwich to school on a leftover hotdog bun, because SOMEONE did not take bread out of the freezer!!! I wanted to make Sheppards Pie tonight for supper, I told my husband in the car" we need milk so I can mash the potatoes for the pie, can you get milk when you go fill the gas can for the snowblower?" Well, he goes outside and starts blowing out the driveway, so I made the fixins for the Sheppards Pie, and served it with just boiled potatoes, it was still good, well he turned his nose up at it, and said ; get this; " why did you not tell me we needed milk? I would have got some?" Well, I just about blew a gasket right then and there!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I dont expect him to help with the housework, but if I ask for one little thing, i would hope that it would be done, now If there was something HE wanted to do, it would be done right away. I thank you so much for letting me vent off about this, I was getting to the point where I was going to blow, but i dont want to do that in front of the kids, so I came in here and turned on the computer.
So, how are you all doing?!! Pam, you hit it right on the nose when you said that we can concentrate on more than one thing at a time, this is why women should be on the front line running the world.
We heard on the news the other day that a hospital in Toronto has found the gene that causes cancer to become active, and now they are working on manipulating it in order to try and turn it off. So, I am very confident that in the next five years there will be a definate 'cure', then we can all gather at Pam's and bask in the sun!! Well, I feel so much better now, thanks for putting up with my tantrum.
Take care and lots of hugs from Tiger xoxox

debw
Posts: 109
Joined: Dec 2000

Selective hearing. Inability to focus on more than 1 item. Never ask for them to do something when they are engaged in something. Focus. Women multitask - men don't. By the way - how is the lymphedemia? Mine flared up today and I had to run home from school to get my compression sleeve and glove. Also - what part of New Zealand do you live? I have been to Auckland, near by towns and Rotorua (sp). See women multitask - 3 concepts in one email. Men would need three emails. Love - Debw

pamtriggs's picture
pamtriggs
Posts: 408
Joined: Sep 2000

Women are too sensible to want to run the world. The men would never listen. If you think you have trouble with one man try telling millions what to do. We're better off running everything & letting them think they do then we have someone to blame when it all goes pear shaped. Mine is selctively deaf too. My mother always said that if men & women had to take turns having babies and women had the first one there would never be more than 3 kids in a family. They couldn't stand the pain. And why when clearing up after dinner does he put only 90% of the dishes in the dishwasher. Doesn't he see the rest on the counter? Or is mine the only one with domestic blindness. Oh well that's my moan for the day. Love to all. Pam

jane38
Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2000

I think we all know what men think with. It that is not involved, they cannot think at all. Even my brother agrees with that. I have been married (gad, I hate to admit this) three times. All three husbands have been the same. There is women's work (which is everything the man does not want to do) and there is man's work which is playing with his toys. They have no concept about how a house is so well-maintained, i.e. - cleaned, shopped for, a full pantry and freezer, being able to make a lovely meal out of whatever is available, caring for the children and the husband, mending and making the clothes, finding the lost laundry, knowing where everything in the house is, paying the bills and in most instances even bringing home a very important paycheck. We also know how to make repairs around the house, a lot of us even know how to change the tires on the car, change the oil, and do other minor repairs. We keep the lawn in both winter and summer. We entertain the children, take care of them and the husband when they are ill. And we have to be ever ready to service our husbands. They who are aroused by visuals, and we who are aroused by actions, and they wonder why we don't appreciate their "bip bam, thank you m'am". "Was that as good for you as it was for me?" And so on and so forth. That's why we know we are in control and they think they are! Jane

nancys
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2000

Now, Now, Ladies...I must defend my man. I have been married for too many years to count. My man is not much good at houswork, and he too has trouble hitting the toilet stool, BUT..He will rub my back when I'm achy, cook a simple meal when the smell of food makes me sick. He will do the laundry and carry it to the rooms for me. But most of all, he IS ALWAYS THERE to listen to me cry or laugh or yell and never gets impatient. Boy...I'm glad he does not ever get on this computer, I'd hate for him to read this. My point is that as imperfect as they are and as angry as we get at them, they are still "our guys". Love, Nancy PS. I have 2 sons who are totally perfect and never do any of these "men things" ha...

jane38
Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2000

Nancy - You are so lucky. I just managed to pick the "cream of the crop" of jerks. I have noticed, and am very envious of, that the men involved with most of the ladies on this site are absolutely wonderful. And it is the little things that make all the difference in the world. In fact whenever I am giving one of my speeches, one of my statements is for the ladies to give their guys a chance to accept what has happened and to work with it, that they will be there. So, I'm not totally jaded. Hang onto your guy, he's one in a million. He's lucky to have you and it sounds like he knows it and wants to protect that. Love, Jane

maggie's picture
maggie
Posts: 77
Joined: Sep 2000

Ladies, I will have to agree with Nancy. I have wonderful husband!! He even does toilets. His love and strength got me thru this. My friends envy me, because he's so great. Their husband would never COOK, or Clean the house. He is not only my husband, but my Best Friend , My soul mate. We have always been close, but the cancer made us even closer. hugs and smiles, maggie

tiger
Posts: 292
Joined: Oct 2000

ok, now you have all made me feel awful about *****ing!! But sometimes you need to vent before you blow. My hubby really is great, yesterday he came home from work in the morning and climbed up on the roof to clean the snow off from the furnace exhaust outlet, and relight the pilot for me, as it had gone out. Then he went back to work and after supper blew the driveway out. All in all he is good, but sometimes, this selective hearing they have is really annoying!! He would rather see a dirty house and have me resting, then a clean house and have me tired, but ,well, I am a clean freak, so I compromise and nap in the afternoons when I have to. We had another 35 cm of snow yesterday and we are still waiting for them to plow our road!!It is so pretty though, looks like a winter wonderland. I may be offline for a few days, I was informed that our computer has a nasty virus and I have unwittingly passed it on to some people, so my husband will be tackling that problem soon, so I hope you all have a great week and weekend and I will check in soon!!
Hugs from Tiger xo

catherine
Posts: 18
Joined: Oct 2000

Hi ladies, Catherine here: A book named "Men & women are really different!" is one of the best sellers in Taiwan here. It indicated that men & women are born to be different by nature, they are not on purpose to do some damn things that drive women crazy. Most men don't care the so called "trifles" in family, like clean the house, wash the clothes, take care of the babies or make a supper......etc. BUT, if some man is voluntary to do the aboves, we call this kind of man "NEW GOOD MAN". My youngest brother is a the model of "NEW GOOD MAN", he sometimes make a pigtail(plait) for his daughter(4 years old) before driving her to the kindergarten when my sister-in law is busy with doing breakfast. He also cook, clean the house and handle many trifles. There are different kinds of man in the world, some of them are considerate but some are not. Perhaps that is the reason why communication between man & woman is so important. My ex-boyfriend treated me very good and very considerate when we were in the university, but he deserted me when I got breast cancer. Is he a good man? I don't think so. I think true love will be proved in the hardest time. He deserted me and had an affair with a married woman, leave me alone in hospital to take the Chemo. He didn't care I will live or die. I think he is a coward. I'm very happy for all of you, for your husbands or boyfriends accompany you, hand in hand to go through the bad times when you take the Chemo or other treatments. I'm not that lucky. So, cherish everyday, enjoy good time with them. I hope someday I also can find my true love.

Love & hugs from Catherine

pamtriggs's picture
pamtriggs
Posts: 408
Joined: Sep 2000

Dear Dear Catherine. You say you are not that lucky as your man deserted you but if he could do that you are better to find out then. Somewhere there is the right one for you who will recognise your wonderful warm spirit & courage. Having a "good new man" myself I know I am truly blessed. Only I call him a S.N.A.G.(sensitive new age guy) But he still drives me crazy sometimes. SO glad you are posting reguilarly again. Your indominatable spirit humbles us all. Love. Pam

judyd
Posts: 130
Joined: Nov 2000

Hi everyone, well I am just going to jump right in here also. Believe me my husband has his faults(contrary to what he may think.HA!) but all in all he is a great guy. He has gotten better about helping around the house & all. I'm not sure if it's age, the fact that he finally got tired of listening to me complain, or just simply the fact that he realized he could do some of those things. Anyway, he has been great through all of this. It has definately drawn us closer. He always has encouraging words for me. I'm sure I would have gotten through this if I hadn't had him but I'm sure glad I didn't have to. Have a great day everyone. Judy

sueholm's picture
sueholm
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2000

tiger. I have read your post and heard your frustration. the fact of the matter is some people...men and women alike...are not considerate. but i also think...oh why do i think...that you are letting your husband treat you badly. how dare he turn up his nose at a supper you make!.but, yu cannot change anyone else, only yourself. I will pose a question...how guilty do you feel about having cancer? as long as yu do everything no-one else has to. that is maybe what yu have to change. maybe yu need to tell your family that sundays and tuesdays they are responsible for supper. and maybe yu need to tell your husband that if he once again complans about meal he can go without. I am sorry, but i absolutley hate to see people being reated badly. but yu are the only one who can change it...you are letting him treat you badly. he knows if he doesnt pay attention it doesnt really make any difference. I sincerely hope i have not offended yu tiger...and there is no reason to feel guioty about having cancer...you would look after him if he had it, wouldnt yu? just ignore this if it is no help...but i am sorry i do not subscribe to the theory that men are inconsiderate people, or incompetent. men are just people first, men second. love susan

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