One year out and feeling low .....

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tekgal
tekgal Member Posts: 35
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi everyone ~ I really could use some support and especially prayers. I hit my one year mark last week and have been really depressed lately. I expected to be "jubilent" but have (surprisingly) found myself reliving all the old feelings and especially FEARS. I really am starting to get angry at myself for these feelings. Have any of you experienced something similar when you have your "anniversary". I found a photo of myself & family from 5 years ago and cried because I miss that! I miss the "carefree no worries" lifestyle I had then. Any support or advice would be appreciated. Thanks gals ......

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  • sweetpea56
    sweetpea56 Member Posts: 1
    #2
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    Hi tekgal, I am new to the forum but read your message and got the idea you are going through what I went through after all the chemo was over and the radiation was done. Thought I would be so relieved, but fell into an awful depressions. The doctors said I don't know why you are depressed now, but think it was because all during the treatments we try so hard to keep us going that after the treatments it is a let down. They finally put me on Paxil, couldn't take the others they turned me in to a sombie. But Paxil was good for a while. When I could tell I was feeling better I quit taking it. And have not had to get on it again. My cancer was diagnosed in Oct. 1996, and I won't go through all the rest of it, it would take a year to write all about it. Ask your doctor for a mild anti depressant and believe me it does get better.
  • maggie
    maggie Member Posts: 71
    #3
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    Hey Jody! I too had the same feeling at my one year anniversary. It brought back alot of anger and fears I had when I was first diagnosed. I look at old photographs alot and one day I said to my son," I wish mama had hair like that again" My son look at me and said" mama I don't care what your hair looks like or if you was bald again , as long as I got you." At that moment I realized he was right. Our lives will never be the same again, so we have to put our streght in the Lord and he will prevail. Take care and keep your chin up. Smiles & hugs, Maggie
  • pamtriggs
    pamtriggs Member Posts: 386
    #4
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    Accept what you feel as natural. Sit down & count your blessings. You'll soon start to feel better. You are also going through what I call Winteristis. I beleive it's a result of a lack of sunlight in the eys (and hence the brain) and is now being documented. Some vitamin D helps here. Try to stay off the anti-depressants but try St.John's Wort as a natural alternative. After my mastectomy 19+ years ago I was very apprehensive as each year came around but by year 5 I was back to normal & forgot about cancer. When it returned it was a big shock but I am thankful for all the years I have had & intend to yet have. Will pray for you & hope you can soon turn yourself around. Love & hugs. Pam
  • jane38
    jane38 Member Posts: 123
    #5
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    Hi. I have had more depression this past year after all my surgery, chemo and radiation had been completed, chemo in October 1999 and radiation December 1999. I believe that as long as we were actively doing something to fight this thing we were okay. At least I was. I was in my "fight mode" and when the battle had been won, I didn't know what to do. The year 2000 was all about reconstruction and trying to repair what chemo had destroyed. My thyroid was very hard to control, I'm hypothyroid, and my medication had to be constantly increased. Finally got that under control last month. I have a lot of problems with chest spasms, which I didn't have before, that have been ruled out many times for cardiac problems. My GI doc (whom I have fired) gave up and said I needed to go to pain medicine. I have a new GI doc who at least put me on an antispasmodic and is looking for a cause. I find that I go to the doctor, any doctor, for just about anything. Before BC I rarely went to the doctor. Only when I was sick and needed a prescription. That was maybe once or twice a year. I worry a lot about my health. I almost obsess about it. I have a mantra this year which I said out loud several times a day - "I will be healthier. I will feel better. I am magnificent!". I'm hoping that this will work and get me out of my funk and back into the land of the living. And yes, it's very important to count our blessings. We are alive. We are cancer free. We are survivors. We are very vital women. We have been where most women never go and we have learned so much from that journey. We are blessed in that we can teach others, and reach out to others to help them over their crises. We will all be fine. It just takes time. Jane
  • mjdp2
    mjdp2 Member Posts: 133
    #6
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    Hi, I joined an ABC (After breast cancer) support group in my area. It meets one a month and we have rap sessions or a guest speaker. At the rap sessions new people come with their questions as they are usually newly diagnosed. Our speakers speak on topics such as reconstruction, lymphedema, expressing your emotions, etc.. Maybe you can find one in your area that you can attend. I am in the Los Angeles area. If you contact your local ACS office they can refer you to a support group.
    You can also do volunteer work for the Am. Cancer Society. You can drive patients to their chemo treatments or help with the upcoming Daffodil Days or Relay for Life. Delivering daffodils to a cancer patient is very uplifting and so is helping to raise money for cancer research thru participation in the Relay.
    Post treatment depression is very common in cancer patients. We were so used to having a team of doctors and nurses attend to us on a daily basis. We also got loads of get well wishes from all our friends and family. Now we have to work on getting the joy back into our lives. Do things you've always dreamed about doing and be a blessing to everyone that you meet. God Bless. Margaret
  • tekgal
    tekgal Member Posts: 35
    #7
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    I knew I could count on you to give me some words of encouragement! :) I am glad to know I am not alone, and that it is normal to go through this! Just reading your posts lifted my spirits and eased my fears somewhat. It is kinda funny....I couldn't wait to get to my "one year mark". Now that it is hear and gone, I can't wait for my "two". I don't like wishing my life away, though. I want to really, really learn to take each day as a gift. Thanks, ladies. Love, Jody
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #8
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    tekgal said:

    I knew I could count on you to give me some words of encouragement! :) I am glad to know I am not alone, and that it is normal to go through this! Just reading your posts lifted my spirits and eased my fears somewhat. It is kinda funny....I couldn't wait to get to my "one year mark". Now that it is hear and gone, I can't wait for my "two". I don't like wishing my life away, though. I want to really, really learn to take each day as a gift. Thanks, ladies. Love, Jody

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • britchick356
    britchick356 Member Posts: 45
    #9
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    hey, cj here. as you know i'm just beginning my journey. i miss my life but i know it's all over as it was. i also know that you have too much going for you to let this crap keep you from doing what you set your mind to do. you go girl and don't let anything keep you down.
    hugs,cj
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #10
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    two years out and feeling low
    I try to be grateful that I AM two years out.... but like you, it is difficult......I force myself to go places and have fun.
    The truth is...we ARE different: stronger, tougher, more selfish to take care of ourselves.
    I am not sure when the fears go away--I still have them. I think this IS the new us.
    One thing that has helped me is that I went from NEVER talking about "it", to attending conferences, Relay for Life, and Making Strides. Weird, but I feel so good there because
    we are not alone in our battle, and people--even strangers-- can be very uplifting.

    Hugs and prayers!!
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #11
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    Please don't be impatient
    Please don't be impatient with yourself for feeling this way. Finding out we have cancer and the subsequent treatment is a devastating and extremely frightening experience. It effects us physically, emotionally, and phychologically. You will have good days, weeks, years and bad ones. You have to accept that the memory of the wxperience will always be with you. But as time goes on, it will soften.

    I will have my 5yr anniversary this april. I still think of my cancer every day. It is not all I think about, but it has never gone away. I still worry that the other shoe will drop one day. Images of those treatment days are forever imprinted on my brain. I just have learned to accept it as my new normal life.

    I too miss the old days when I was carefree and the only doctor appointments I had ever had were for a chest cold or the flu.

    Hang in there. Time will help. Be patient with yourself, ok? We are all here with you. Hugs, Eil
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #12
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    so sorry feeling that way
    I must say I have not felt any of this (cancer 2008)! But we all deal differently-so we must do what we feel we must do. I"ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way...

    I had/ have 2 journals-which I look back at now and again. Maybe writing your thoughts now would even help.

    I had a counselor tell me to write my thought of what I couldnt' change (health or other wise-things we can't change & shredd it) I DID do that...and helped-
  • jphilpo
    jphilpo Member Posts: 177
    #13
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    one year
    I too am 1 year out from diagnosis. I have completed all treatments and have been surprised that I feel sad and depressed at times. I know people around me expect me to be thrilled that I beat the cancer, but that's not how I feel. I woory and I have also had side effects from femara which caused alot of pain. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where the "old" me went. I called my Reach to Recovery friend and she reminded me that it's only been a year and that now I need to deal with the "new normal". No one tells you how hard it is AFTER your treatments. I spoke with a nurse?patient liason who told me they are going to start dealing with this part of breast cancer. They tell me they have alot of patients saying the same thing that you and I are.

    Best wishes,

    Jean

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