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How can I help my Mom?

maryann
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2000

My mom was just diagnosed with Stage I breast cancer. I am at a loss as how to help her. She does not want to look at any information. It is almost as if she avoids the info, she can avoid dealing with the cancer itself. I do not know what to say or do to help allay some of the obvious fears and feeling she must be going through. Can anyone give me any tips on making this experiance as stress-free as possible? She hasn't slept since the diagnosis, and I am getting very worried about her. How can I help her? - Lisa

tiger
Posts: 292
Joined: Oct 2000

Hi Lisa, Tiger here, stage I is just starting the game, My aunt had the same 16 years ago, she had a mastectomy and has been cancer free since and has no sign of recurrence, I know quite a few women here in town who had breast cancer and either had a lumpectomy or mastectomy ,and a couple of doses of chemo and they have been cancer free for up to 20 years. I myself am 31 years old, I have two sons, ages 3 1/2 and 9, I have stage IV metastatic breast cancer in the liver, I have been doing chemo for the past eleven months and my tumours are finally starting to shrink. Has your mom had the surgery already? As long as it has not spread,she should rest easy. The main thing is to stay positive, and if she does not want any info, that is fine, because sometimes you can read something that does not pertain to your particular cancer and it will scare the crap out of you. When I first started out I searched everywhere for info ,I read alot and cried alot and was depressed, then I realized I am strong enough to beat this, information overload is not good, sometimes ignorance is bliss.Since I stopped seeking information on my cancer and realized that i am not a statistic, which is really all they report on, I have been strong and positive and beating this. This network is very positive and supportive, and has helped me a great deal, hopefully we can help your mom. Fight the good fight and stay happy. Tiger.

madhavi
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2001

HI My name is madhavi. My mom is also suffering from Stage IV metastatic breast cancer. She has been doing chemo and radiation for the last 6 months, but the concer has spread to the liver. She is just doing chemo. Very inspired by your e-mail. Is there anything or anyone I can contact who specializes in this type of cancer. She is right now in India, but I would like to bring her here. ANy info or any thing that you found to be helpful. My e-mail address Madhavi_chakrava@hotmail.com
Thank you for your time
madhavi

murphy
Posts: 45
Joined: Sep 2000

Hi. I agree with Tiger on the Info overload. I know we are all different in the way we aproach our cancer but I didn't do well with all the info either, just be there for you mom and let her know you love her and will listen to her or just hold her, whatever it takes. It is quite a shock to be told you have cancer and you think all the worst thoughts, give your mom time to let it sink in and she will find an inner strength she probably didn't know she had and when she finds that she will be ready to deal with what ever comes her way. There are so many cancer success stories to be told and that will be very encouraging to her. I found a lump in my breast and I was to scared to face it for 2 years before I had the courage to go to the doctor (I do not recommend waiting though) I had a mastectomy and 6 months of chemo, I am 10 months out of treatment and have been doing great. Has your mom visited this site? I think she would be so encouraged if she did. LOVE & SUPPORT, that is the key. All the best to you both, you will be in my prayers. Murphy

maryann
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2000

We found out that my mom has more calcifications then previously thought. Due to this and the fact of history of cancer in the family, she has chosen the recommended partial mastectomy. She is more willing to look at info, and she has expressed her appreciation that I found out as much as I could before hand. She is having her surgery on Friday. I printed out both responses to my original message, along with the original message. She was encouraged by the positive responses, and wants to look at the site in the morning. Things are looking up! - Lisa

jane38
Posts: 137
Joined: Aug 2000

Be sure to tell your mom that we are all praying for her and that we are all with her in spirit every minute of every day. Jane

tiger
Posts: 292
Joined: Oct 2000

See,things have a way of working themselves out for the best in the end, sometimes it is a long fight,other times it is a short one, but anything worth having is worth fighting for.We look forward to hearing how your mom is doing,what sort of chemo she will be getting, we are a wealth of information,it is better to talk to us when you are feeling low,because trust me, we will pick you back up again, it has worked for me many times. These ladies are fantastic and we are all here for the long haul. Fight the good fight. Love and hugs to you both, Tiger

sueholm's picture
sueholm
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2000

mary ann, tell your mum i too had a partial mastectomy. i am 55. she will find the nursing staff are tremendous, and she is going to find that her firends and family will all rally round. as soon as she gets on the site i will be happy to share my experiences with her. i just had operation in October. you a great daughter! take care of yourself too! susan

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