Nov 03, 2000 - 9:49 pm
Hi guys, Tiger here, I am not feeling so much like a fighter right at this point, I thank you for your wonderful responses to my good news, but even though I know they are shrinking, I am still feeling depressed. I am tired all the time, my nerves are worn to a frazzle and I feel like crying all the time. I think I am getting to that point in the chemo where I need a little break from it all, I wish I could just go away to a spa for a day or two and unwind, as it is I feel like I am going to blow up any minute. My youngest son who is three, keeps me going constantly, I mean he is a real live wire and does not stop, and of course we have no family in the town we are currently living in, I would put him in part time daycare here on the airbase, but I am afraid of him bringing home colds or flu's which I really dont need. I think everything is building up inside me,but I dont know how to release it all, talking to you all really helps but do you ever get awful thoughts running through your head? Sometimes I feel like I should just end it all now myself, so my family doesnt have to go through all this bull, I think I am just really tired of the whole deal, I am sorry if it sounds like I am whining and I know we are all in this together,which is why I am asking you for your input,how do you cope with it all? Usually I am so upbeat and stubborn, but lately I just feel like laying down and going comatose.I know we have to fight like demons for what we want,and I dont want to loose the fighting spirit,so guys if you have any encouraging words,I really could use them right about now, you have all been so wonderful in supporting and responding to me ,I look forward to my daily log ins,and I look forward to hearing from you.Thank you so much for letting me vent and whine for a bit,it helps because you all know what i mean, I can cry on my husbands shoulders for a week and he can never know the emotions I am feeling.Once again, Thank you all.