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CONFUSED

mcgruff
Posts: 9
Joined: Sep 2000

To any of you that I didn't write individually hi. My username is McGruff. I dress as McGruff for law enforcement programs for kids. Guess I won't be taking a bite out of crime for awhile but I plan on takeing a bite out of this CANCER bug. I was diagnosed on Aug 22nd with Invasive lobular carcinoma. From the getgo the surgical oncologist (thank goodness she is female) said has to be a mastectomy. No choice here. Could have been in a hurricane stood on my feet easier than getting that news. What to do? Where to go? Read everything on the web, read everything in print. Seen the surgeon, my personal physican (who I'd trust with anything) see the plastic surgeon. May decision, make choices, make plans, who are these people kidding. Your brain has gone to mush and you don't even know what day it is. Can't sleep. All you do is think about the damn bug. What did I do wrong, what didn't I do? Why me? Yes, I've haven't read anyone say why me yet? But enough of this crap. Onward and upward. Someone told me something yesterday "Those who do the best with what they have are with best for who they are", That's all of us. I'm open to any and all conversations anytime. Thanks to the ACS for this site. It just made me able to sleep for the first night in a long time.

denise
Posts: 11
Joined: Aug 2000

Hi McGruff,
I know what you are going through. I too didn't sleep for a long time. Oh, for the days when You weren't scarred out of your mind. But it does get better. I am on this a lot, can't sleep, so anytime you need to talk let me know. I love this site too but can't quite figure it out. Let's try e-mail? I'll read your web page tonight after work so I'm more in-tune to what's going on. Hang in there
Denise

maggie's picture
maggie
Posts: 77
Joined: Sep 2000

Hi McGruff! I am new to this forum my name is maggie. I was diagnosed in Aug.1999. I just wanted to let you know , that I went thought the same feelings you are having.(Confused, worried and I was even angry) I don't know how this works but you can e-mail anytime for questions or just to have someone to listen. May God bless you and I hope everything comes out ok. Take care, Maggie

vinnie
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2000

Hi McGruff:
I just a lumpectomy, and I'm waiting to see the oncologist - my guess is chemo and radiation and who knows what else. But I surely know the feelings and the confusion and as much as everyone around me is so proud of me for being so positive and upbeat, I wonder where this strength is really coming from. Someone e-mailed me and said "The Lord will not give you anymore than you can handle. Put your life in his hands.
And so that's just what I've done. I take one day at a time and just pray that I have the courage and the strength to get thru whatever is in store for me. I ask alot of questions especialy from the wonderful women that I've met on this site. This is truly amazing. I can't wait to get home each night to get online. If nothing else picks up your spirits, talking to others for support and compasion has by far lifted my spirits and I'm sure it will lift you too. Keep in touch either on this site or e-mail direct anytime, Just think of it as we are all strolling down the same path together, and if one of us falls, I know the rest will be right there to help out. It doesn't get any better than that!
God Bless, talk to ya soon.
vinnie

luvpeg
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2000

I too was very confused. I have found faith and read my bible. I had a lumpectomy and 2 chemo treatments going for my 3rd tomorrow. I was scared but now have found strength in the Lord. He is helping me to be strong. I still cry alot but that's okay. I wish you well. I will be starting radiation after my 4th chemo treatment. I am looking forward only not backwards. One day at a time.

pwal@dhdkdn.com

mcgruff
Posts: 9
Joined: Sep 2000

Hi luvpeg, Well on the road again! I've had the mastectomy and the lymph nodes were positive. Have to see the surgeon on 9/28 for follow-up and then maybe the name of the Medical Oncologist to see. Never was a drinker but I guess the chemo cocktails will be next. My good wishes for a good tomorrow. McGruff.

mcgruff
Posts: 9
Joined: Sep 2000

Dear Maggie, Well, I'm among the living again. I had my mastectomy last Wednesday, 9/20. Spend 4 days in hospital. Home now, 2 weeks w/o driving, working, etc. So CSN is open. The preliminary pathologist report is that some of the lymph nodes are positive. I'll know more when I see the surgeon on Thursday. Until then, hope and pray for others health and happiness.

sueholm's picture
sueholm
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2000

i am really confused. i have just been diagnosed with infiltrating lobular carcinoma. i searched lobular on this site and came up with your name and several others. i read several messages and you are all talking about mastectomy, while i am scedulaed for a partial mastectomy on tuesday. are you using the term loosely, or did you have a full mastectomy, because here they say a partial plus radiation has as good results as mastectomy. also my surgeon told me she will not do a mastectomy until she has the results of bone, liver, and chest scans, because if there is metastasis she would not do a mastectomy ie, because chemo wil be used. i dont yet know the grade of my tumour or the ER status. anything yu can tell me would be of help. how are yu doing. it certainly is a dvastating experience isnt it.

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