Christmas Forever

It’s that time of year again and if you aren’t careful the beautiful meaning of Christmas can get totally lost in the vast amount of presents that are located under the decorated tree along with the family get-togethers that are spent in light conversation with empty hearts. It takes a real connection with those around us to appreciate Christmas, to feel the true presence of light and peace as it was intended so long ago. I ask you all to look into the connection you have with the ones you love. Do you have the hug someone needs after time spent away from you? Can you find in your heart Christmas as it was meant to be?

We all have history in the family tree for good or bad. We all search for love. Christmas it seems magnifies the heart and its needs in all of us, I think. Whatever our situations are I say make the most of them today and be in the moment with the ones you are with. The heart does not recover from the shutting out.

Bob, my husband and the dearest and closest friend I have, in this 13th Christmas year together (8 as man and wife), I can’t imagine what he would like for a Christmas present this year? If I could give him anything that his heart could ever imagine I have to wonder what that gift would it be? We have talked about many things these last 6 months and the subject of “time” comes up often. If I could, I would spin our clocks back to that awful day last summer when he told me the bad news of his diagnosis of melanoma, the deadliest of all skin cancers. If I could, I would take the fear away from his heart, the worry from his eyes and put the lightness back into his step. If I could, I would trade places with him, I would trade my life for his. He deserves to be worry-free, to see his grandchildren grow up, to see them someday graduate from college, hopefully marry. If I could, I would wrap his fears in a box and set them free forever. If I could, I would destroy this monster that threatens his life, it chooses to live with us quietly now but stalks us silently each day.

Bob is my love, my soul mate, my mirror and as I see it the only thing I can do for him is be in the now, the ever present, everyday from now on. I can remind him that no matter what day it is or what year it is that we can have Christmas in our house all year long. I will try to keep our sanctuary, our home alive with the promise of peace and good fortune for those are the emotions that overcame both of us when we decided to buy this house together as a couple in 1998.

Easy? No, I wouldn’t lie to you… I fight my fears everyday. But for Christmas’ sake and for my heart’s sake love will be in my house this year and not the monster who is hiding and waiting, Bob will not see it on my face, he will only see my love for him.

Peace to all of you and all your troubles.

Deb
lovingwife to Bob, melanoma stage 3c