What to do when your loved one refuses treatment

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ajcmama
ajcmama Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Just learned 2 weeks ago that my fiance has colon cancer and cancer of the vertebra. He has known for about a month. He lost his wife to breast cancer 4 years ago and refuses to even consider any treatment. Because we are not married (wedding was next month) the doctors will not talk with me, nor will my fiance - he says it is for my own good. How do I handle being closed out and how can I talk to someone about his care?

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  • hopefulone
    hopefulone Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #2
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    Hi. My husband has stage IV colon cancer with liver mets. There have been many advances in this area. Check out the colorectal category here. There are many survivors who will give you and your fiancee much hope. Your fiancee ,however must get treatment if there is to be any hope at all. He is trying to protect you from what he thinks is the inevitable. You need to show him the positive personal stories of survivors. You've been through more than your share of trials(I read your other post ) and he probably doesn't want to be a burden to you. Just keep reassuring him that history does not have to repeat itself and keep urging him to get treatment. Unfortunately, you can't force him to talk to you or seek treatment and even if you were married, doctors would not give you much info unless he signed HIPPA papers. Ask him if the situation were reversed, would he feel the same way and not want you to get medical treatment and not talk to him about it? Speak to a counselor , a priest or clergyman for guidance for yourself and your own well-being. God Bless and Good Luck
  • ajcmama
    ajcmama Member Posts: 3
    #3
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    hopefulone said:

    Hi. My husband has stage IV colon cancer with liver mets. There have been many advances in this area. Check out the colorectal category here. There are many survivors who will give you and your fiancee much hope. Your fiancee ,however must get treatment if there is to be any hope at all. He is trying to protect you from what he thinks is the inevitable. You need to show him the positive personal stories of survivors. You've been through more than your share of trials(I read your other post ) and he probably doesn't want to be a burden to you. Just keep reassuring him that history does not have to repeat itself and keep urging him to get treatment. Unfortunately, you can't force him to talk to you or seek treatment and even if you were married, doctors would not give you much info unless he signed HIPPA papers. Ask him if the situation were reversed, would he feel the same way and not want you to get medical treatment and not talk to him about it? Speak to a counselor , a priest or clergyman for guidance for yourself and your own well-being. God Bless and Good Luck

    Bless you for your wonderful words - I have been doing just this (when he will talk with me), but will keep on trying. I have a great network of friends and family -- we are all trying to reach him without pushing too fast. I just get afraid that with everyday that goes by time is slipping. I am talking with ministers and a counselor as well. God Bless and keep you and your husband . I will pray for you as well as us.
  • hopefulone
    hopefulone Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #4
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    ajcmama said:

    Bless you for your wonderful words - I have been doing just this (when he will talk with me), but will keep on trying. I have a great network of friends and family -- we are all trying to reach him without pushing too fast. I just get afraid that with everyday that goes by time is slipping. I am talking with ministers and a counselor as well. God Bless and keep you and your husband . I will pray for you as well as us.

    We all support each other here . Thank you for your prayers. There is no "treatment" more powerful. Feel free to email here at anytime. Diane

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