Dad, I'm not ready, don't go...

loveyouDad
loveyouDad Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
In my short twenty years, my father has been a rock for me. A steady strong caring father ready to do anything to help his children grow. I am the oldest of four, one of two sons and my hero is dying from prostate cancer. Like every challenge he met and faced in his life, his fighting and pushing his way through. He takes the weekly lab reports on the chin, he grits his teeth and smiles when I know, I see the pain he is in. I am a chronic realist, and a worrier. I think about the future as much as I do the present, and what I see scares me. I'm worried about the money situation, I am worried about my mothers mentla health, my relationship with her. I am concerned about how my 12 year old sisters are going to grow up. I want him to be there when I graduate from college, when I get married (sometime)I want to ask him quesions. I want to be able to pick up the phone just to talk with. But that will only be possible for a short (how long???) time. every moment I spend with him, I try to live IN it, but I can't help but think of every possible thing I could want to ask him, that I will need to know... How do you do that? How do you let your Dad go, when you have so much more you need from him... How do you look at him and keep from crying because the picture you keep seeing is a sunny day not so long ago when he coached your soccer team?....... Wow.... I didn't realize I've felt this way and haven't cried about it in a few days.... thanks for listening...
Ben

Comments

  • Tmark1217
    Tmark1217 Member Posts: 1
    #2
    Your message is so poignant to me - and it makes me think about those sunny days when I coached my own son's soccer team. What does your father have - and what stage? I have spent the past five years finding out some amazing things about cancer and other cell proliferative diseases and immune disorders. One thing I learned is that there is always hope - no matter what you may think or may have been told. I would say more, but I am new here and I do not want to be accused of hawking a book I just wrote, but just let me say that I personally know many people who were diagnosed as hopeless that are alive and cancer free today. This is NOT about me or my book - I just want to help and have dedicated the rest of my life to helping others beat and avoid disease and live longer and healthier. In fact, there are many well known non-profit organizations like Minnesota Wellness, Cancer Tutor, and the Annie Appleseed Project that can vouch for me. As can the FDA, FBI, USDOJ and SEC - because I recently helped expose a fake cancer company and cancer drug scam. If there is a way to contact me privately let me know. I will gladly give you any and all the information I have for free.
  • FelixJOrdan
    FelixJOrdan Member Posts: 3
    #3
    Tmark1217 said:

    Your message is so poignant to me - and it makes me think about those sunny days when I coached my own son's soccer team. What does your father have - and what stage? I have spent the past five years finding out some amazing things about cancer and other cell proliferative diseases and immune disorders. One thing I learned is that there is always hope - no matter what you may think or may have been told. I would say more, but I am new here and I do not want to be accused of hawking a book I just wrote, but just let me say that I personally know many people who were diagnosed as hopeless that are alive and cancer free today. This is NOT about me or my book - I just want to help and have dedicated the rest of my life to helping others beat and avoid disease and live longer and healthier. In fact, there are many well known non-profit organizations like Minnesota Wellness, Cancer Tutor, and the Annie Appleseed Project that can vouch for me. As can the FDA, FBI, USDOJ and SEC - because I recently helped expose a fake cancer company and cancer drug scam. If there is a way to contact me privately let me know. I will gladly give you any and all the information I have for free.

    With medicine, we can cure our body. Please read the story about a cute baby who live only 6 hours, but save two lifes. It can nourish our SOUL. Thanks
  • captivity
    captivity Member Posts: 1
    #4
    Yeah I'm not ready for my daddy to quit either.

    I'm 24 and an only child adn a worrywart and I am one of those people who does things quickly and makes mistakes. I don't budget very well and I forget to do important things like pay parking tickets on time.

    Daddy has always been there to help me out and to come to my rescue. I wish there was something that I could do. He's so skinny, he's like a skeleton or a scarecrow with my father's face and it's hard and it's lonely and in the past few months, I've worked hard to grow up - become the adult they've always trusted me to be.

    And in the past two weeks he's gotten cancer and become a ghost of the powerful man he's always been. I just want him to be better NOW.
  • AmberHall
    AmberHall Member Posts: 6
    #5
    hello there WoW. I can feel every single thing and pain in you message. My dad has Prostate cancer also and things are getting worse. My dad is a very strong man and my hero. Me on being strong is becoming herder and harder.

    How old is you dad.

    I would love to chat with you since we seem to be going though some of the same things. Hang in there:)
  • DianeLillian
    DianeLillian Member Posts: 5
    #6
    AmberHall said:

    hello there WoW. I can feel every single thing and pain in you message. My dad has Prostate cancer also and things are getting worse. My dad is a very strong man and my hero. Me on being strong is becoming herder and harder.

    How old is you dad.

    I would love to chat with you since we seem to be going though some of the same things. Hang in there:)

    Hello, my Dad has Prostate Cancer also. He is going for his 4th Chemo on Friday 4/28. The cancer is in his lymph nodes and bones. He just turned 80 on 4/28 and the dr. says it's highly unusual that the cancer is spreading so fast, last year they stared Hormone therapy, but it didn't work...I would love to chat sometime.
  • m_rose78
    m_rose78 Member Posts: 6
    #7
    I understand what your facing, all the questions. I too am now stuck with the reality that my dad may not make it to his 70th birthday in August (I'm 28 and the oldest of two). My dad is also my hero, he's been there for me whenever I needed him; I'm a dwarf and have needed several surgeries through the years and my dad has always been the first person I have seen and the first voice I have heard right after my surgeries. He has Stage IV bone metasis secondary to esophageal cancer. He was told he was cancer free December 2005 and now he's got stage IV, the doctor's told us they can't do surgery because it's so advanced.

    I'm not ready to let him go, I don't know how to say "good-bye", I can't imagine what my future holds without him. I want my niece to grow up knowing what an awesome and loving man her grandfather is (she's only 4 1/2 months old). I want him to be there when I get married, I want to hear him make his violin magically come alive again, right now I can't look at him without the threat of tears, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop crying. What I want to hear is that it's going to be ok, that I'll get through this, yet nobody can tell me that because they know it might not be true. I want someone to hold me and comfort me, to validate my feelings and tell me it's ok to feel what I am feeling. I long for July 31, 2005 - the day I was baptized in my church and he came and played the violin, in November he drove me to my college so I could see and hear one of my friend's play the piano at his senior recital. My dad and I have always had a unique bond, I want to scream It's not fair, how could this happen? Yet, I know that deep inside me there is still faith, still hope because of Christ. I can't let go, and I can't say "gbye".

    Meredith

Discussion Boards