Having a hard time dealing with being a "cancer" survivor

Hi Danielle! I am 28 as
Hi Danielle!
I am 28 as well and kinda going thru the samething excpet my prblms are a llil diff. I had a saracoma on my bladder when I was 4 and I had radiation as well as chemo and I have been in remission now for 24 yrs. Ive experienced so many prblms since then and mainly female problems due to the fact the extensive amount of chemo and radiation done to my bladder and it effective everything in that area(ovary,kidney,pelvic,vagina,etc)And what made matters worse is the Dr's really couldnt help me. they basically said the prblms I was having was new to them and the didnt know the proper approach because usually kids with my illness dosent make it past a certain age and being that I was like 17 at the time,it had been over 10yrs so I guess they was clueless and all the surgeries I had there on was pretty much an experiment for them. In 2004 I had 2 diff surgeries to have my pelvic bone shaved to make it comfortable for me to have intercourse,use feminin products,and also so I could sit without hurting in that area. All the surgeries to correct those problems was a fail. In 2000 I had a cyst that caused me to hv 1 of my ovaries removed,las year i had another cyst on my other ovary but only the cyst was removed, and right now I am recovering from another surgery I had because of a cyst but this time when I went into the surgery room with 1 ovary,I came out with none. This cyst caused me to lose my last ovary(non of the cysts was cancerious) I have no kids, I love kids and always wanted them. I recently got engaged and thats all my fiancee talked about was us having kids. I cant even begin to explain the pain and heartach I feel right now. i have not been able to enjoy my life or even feel like a real woman because of the problems ive had to face all my life and usually i am strong but this have taken its toll on me and all I do is cry cry cry. My fiancee is so supportive and now he is like we can always adopt, which is true but like you say you want to have the experience of carring your child and want some1 with your own blood. I would love to adopt and prolly will but idk if I will feel that bond like a Mother would usual feel. My Dr told me the consequences before i went into surgery and I asked her not to take my uterus because it is still hope I could maybe carry a child which will still be weird because it still wouldnt be my blood, you kno? Honestly I feel as if my uterus is 2 weak to carry a child and with all I been thru i dont think it would be wise to chance it. Its so crazy how life end up sometimes and my heart goes out to you my dear but just know you are not alone. Prayer keeps me going and the fact that I know I am very blessed to still be here and I hate to talk about problems like this cause I feel like some ppl may be like"You survived Cancer you should be happy". You thats true and I am very very thankful but my life still goes on and I have feelings too and for once in my life since I found out the news of no babies, I feel like I am losing control of it. Good Luck sweetie

Marvusman said:

Yo SheaBear
Our age is identical I was diagnosed at 27 and am now 29 also. It's nice to be able to vent to people who understand. My dream was to have a son and thankfully I accomplished that before my cancer but I won't pretend to understand what you are going through not being able to have a child. Sometimes we have to make new dreams in order to cope. Cancer has stolen so much from me too. Yes I am alive but before my cancer I was an amateur boxer in Philadelphia & a top prospect to turn pro in late 2009. I trained 5 hours a day every day to accomplish my dream. Cancer stole that all from me I will never EVER do it again. I can't take any blows to my stomach as I have had a whipple surgery and then liver resection. I got heavily into running and cycling as an alernative & have fallen just as in love & now they may be stolen from me as well. I am having a hard time recovering from this 2nd major surgery but I plan on getting there. I was once a MAGNIFICENT father with tons of energy to wrestle, play and be silly with my little boy. I was his hero. Now I am a tired & worn down 29 year old who has to fight to find the energy to even take him to the playground. Sometimes I find myself talking him out of going out & talking him into staying in the house and playing Nintendo Wii. That was never me. I hate what the illness has done to me but I vow to get back to who I was if it kills me!

I am glad I am not alone
So often being a young cancer "survivor" I find it difficult to express to my family and friends what my life is now like. I am blessed to have two amazing children, one who according to doctors, should not be here at all. I lost my father recently to his battle with leukemia and often wonder why I survived and he did not. I can't talk to anyone about it because I honestly hate saying the words. Marvusman I understand fully what you mean by not having energy to play with your son. The boys are so energetic and I also find I don't have the patience I used to either. My older son tells me he is happy to simply have me around but I still feel bad not being the mom I used to be. As young people we deal with much more than usual. I also know of the financial burdens and I get so upset with the medical/insurance community. I wish we could do more for each other, however, hearing your stories helps me cope with my own. Thank you all so much for sharing.