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Today...
Today I will go out into the world, put a smile on my face, and try with all my heart to touch someone else' life in a kind manner! Today, I will carefully, gently and lovingly put my grief and sorrow away, for awhile, and try only to see and feel the gifts that I am given. Today, I will laugh at the antics of the…
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What do I do now?
On March 21, 2011 I lost the love of my life after 32 years. We have 3 great adult children, 4 grandsons, and a granddaughter due in April, 2011. My husband had colon cancer in 1992, 1993, 1994, metastasized to his liver in 1993 as well. He enjoyed a slower but good life after the 1994 episode until it returned in the…
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Penny - New Dog?
Penny: Sorry if I haven't kept up with things too much. I noticed your new profile picture of that gorgeous German Shephard. Is that a new dog? I've had two German Shephards in my life. Both were just the best of dogs. They were so smart. All they wanted to do was please me & Paul and protect the kids. I lost our Shephard…
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6 Months...
So, last Wednesday was 6 months since mom became my Angel. To say it has been a hard week is an understatement. I weened from my Zoloft earlier this month.....man, could I tell last week!!! ;( Then yesterday was my brothers birthday. . . I took him to lunch. It was sad. He said, he need some new cologne....mom was always…
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Always thinking of you all...
You all have been in my heart and prayers. I have been busy, grieving, signing forms, doing battle with VA and exhausted! I did however have a wonderful weekend past. My dear friend has a "Classic Rock" band that Dennis and I would often go to their gigs, listen and dance to their music. Well, the past weekend they had a…
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Im sorry but I have finished ladies
Hi Ladies, you may remember me , my mum passes away 31 July last year from a very unexpected ovarian cancer at the young age of 61, It caught every unaware more so her great hubbie and my sister and myself. My dad is in a bad way and I can not to do anything to take the pain away, I have three children 17 13 and 7 and I…
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the coffee ain't workin' anymore
If you listen to country, forgive me for the misuse of the song title. I'm trying NOT to become a lush. The past few days I've been getting increasingly tired and achy. I figured it was Aunt Flow coming to visit (yes ladies who Aunt Flow no longer visits, rub it in), my wisdom teeth coming in some more (why are they called…
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3 months later we are finally burying my mom....
Hello Everyone I havent posted in a long time.... on the 25th it will be three months since my mom has passed and on the 26th we are finally putting her to rest. The ground was was to frozen and we had the one cemetery that would not bury until the ground was soft. Her name is already on the tombstone and it will be my…
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Going to group . . .
Today is the third Sunday of the month, which means that the Manhattan chapter of Nu-Voices met today. Nu-Voices works with the International Association of Laryngectomys and has a great group of laryngectomys and their spouses and families who come together to offer support, advice, and camaraderie as there are so many…
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Caregiving again
I hooked up with a group that rescues German Shepherds from high kill shelters, and met a beautiful 2 year old girl named Zena. She was left chained up in her first home without companionship and was abused. She had previously been adopted out twice, but both times had been returned because she is not a family dog. She…
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Not posting much
I haven't been posting much. Most days I find myself lurking, not really feeling like I fit in over at the caregivers board, and not really having much uplifting things to say here. I find myself enjoying the freedom from being a caregiver and then feel guilty about it. My friends are back to saying the whole "You're just…
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The littlest things
Last night I was filling out my bracket for my office March madness basketball pool and remembered last year sitting in the chemo room with my husband and yelling at the TV so loud the nurses all came running to see if we were OK. I was crying so hard I could barely see to pick my teams. Then this morning I woke up to no…
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First Birthday without My Dad
Boy, didn't think that not hearing my dad wish me a "happy birthday" would be so painful. First time not having him here to tell me that. I'd give anything to hear his voice say "happy birthday Sal" one more time. So many years I took it for granted. Didn't think twice about it. Now it seems I'm thinking about every little…
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Fast approaching one year...
Carole, It is fast approaching one year since my beloved husband, Dennis, was diagnosed with extensive small cell lung cancer. When he was first dx, things were so hectic, pic line, first line chemo, that it wasn't until June 2010 that I was able to join CSN and begin to post. You were one of the first that replied.…
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I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
U took my parents, grandparents, aunts, &uncles. U come knocking whenever u want and thiers nothing I can do to u. I wish I could torcher u like u have done to the ones I love. I am left wondering why at 27 years old my family is gone. U killed my dad at 37 and my mom at 47 no one has seen the joy of growing older then 62.…
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Anniversary of Treatment
Hi All, I haven't been on this site since Mike was first sick,last January. He passed in July and I have been going to bereavement group,counseling,trying to get back to some kind of normalcy. His birthday is approaching this week and I expected some problems,but now it seems I am obsessed with what was going on a year…
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The room
For well over a month now, even since before Pat passed, I have been avoiding really doing anything in the bedroom we shared. I go in there and I go right back out. I already moved my clothes out of there before he passed as I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there. I thought I would, but no, just can't. As everything…
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The weekends...
The weekend is here, once more. How I dislike these days! When I rise, for the smallest of moments, it is easy to pretend that my love is still here, he is just sleeping in. So I make coffee, I go outside and watch the birds. But as time passes, I know he isn't going to get up, get a cup of coffee and come out to join me.…
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Feeling So, So Sad
Three weeks ago yesterday my dad passed away. The roller coaster of emotions is at times overwhelming. I know all these emotions and ups and downs are "normal" in the grieving process. I'm still somewhat "numb" to the finality of it all. Though I know my dad is gone, there is a part of me that still has a hard time…
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My son's wedding
My son will be getting married next weekend. It will be a bittersweet event as his father, my husband's absence will be very much felt. I can't help but picture myself sitting in the front row alone and thinking about what should have been. Trying very hard to be strong and upbeat because I don't want him to look back at…
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For Tina Blondek
Tough day perhaps for you tomorrow on your journey so sending you my warmest and kindest thoughts to you and your family and especially your father. Lyndsey
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I know we will be together again!
You know when a great friend or loved one has come for a visit? And you have a wonderful time? You cook and have drinks, talk about the old times, laugh and cry together? And then it is time for them to go back home? Maybe you take them to the airport, or just help them pack their car. And then you kiss and hug and say…
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I can't . . . .
. . . . stop loving you I've made up my mind To live in memory of the lonesome times I can't stop wanting you It's useless to say So I'll just live my life in dreams of yesterday Those happy hours that we once knew Tho' long ago, they still make me blue They say that time heals a broken heart But time has stood still since…
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Was I wrong
Some friends of mine own the local hair salon here in town. Today we had our St Patricks day parade. I drove the ridiculously expensive convertible I bought myself after Hank passed so the girls could hold a banner and we threw gifts into the crowd. I have to admit I had a great time. But now I feel I guilty, here I am out…
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Ouch
Mike wanted his son to have his motorcycle, which I totally agreed with. And because it's tax refund time he had the money to travel here from Nebraska to pick it up, which I also totally agreed with. What I hadn't planned on, however, was the horrible sadness that came along with going thru Mikes belongings, and passing…
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Widow discrimination
Well, I just got a low blow this week. It was time to pay the next 6-month premium for our car insurance. I went through the giant stack of mail to find the new policy statement which I had seen arrive a few weeks ago. But I found 2 of them; one dated a day later than the first. The second statement was quite a bit…
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mmmm . . . mad now . . . hmmmm
Had the first cry since Pat passed yesterday, and it felt good. I no longer feel like I have a gorilla squeezing the life out of me. Now I have a different problem. I'm getting good and p!ssed off. That's not good. Because the person I'm p!ssed off at isn't here. Don't feel like screaming at the walls, but o my this is…
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Sorry for the Double Post
The boards are kinda of wacky tonight:| Sally
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New to This Discussion Board
I was over at the Esophageal cancer board the past 11 months. I've guess you'd say I've graduated? Two weeks ago today my father passed away from esophageal cancer. This whole grieving thing is really, really hard. Not so much the dealing with the sadness, but the unpredictability of when those wave of tears is gonna sweep…
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New to This Discussion Board
I was over at the Esophageal cancer board the past 11 months. I've guess you'd say I've graduated? two weeks ago today my father passed away from esophageal cancer. This whole grieving thing is really, really hard. Not so much the dealing with the sadness, but the unpredictability of when those wave of tears is gonna sweep…