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Cancer Survivor-Under Construction

I was diagnoiced with breast cancer in both breast in November 2018 at 47 years old.  This did not run in my family and I had my yearly mamograms since I turned 40 with no issues ever.  My gynocologist noticied 1 lump at my yearly checkup in October, so after a mamogram and ultrasound they ended up finding 3 total lumps.  I had a biopsy which confirmed 1 was benign thankfully, but the other 2 were not.  I immediatly met with a surgeon and the plan was to proceed with a lumpectomy, but before we scheduled that, my surgeon requested an MRI first.  That scan showed 1 more lump that was missed before, so now I have 4 lumps.  I had another biopsy done on that exact lump and the radiologist felt that is was also benign, but my surgeon and his team which also included a radilogist did not agree and felt that it was cancer.  I had already discussed this with my husband before, so after hearing this from my surgeon, I made the decision to do a total masectomy.  This felt the better route for me since this 3rd lump was questionable and even the other one that was benign made me question that one too now.  It felt like eternity before I actually had my surgery, but it really was only just over a month.  And, that 3rd questionable lump was cancer afterall, so 3 confirmed lumps that were cancer and 1 benign.  I recovered well after the surgery and the worst part for me was the drains, but after two weeks those came out and I improved much faster.  My follow up visit with my surgeon informed me the surgery was a sucess and they got all the cancer.  I was referred to an oncologist and after a couple more test, I was told that I did not need to have Chemotherapy or Radiation...so very thankful for that news.  I will need to take Tamoxfen for the next 5 years, but am fine with that and I am not sure if I am really feeling any of the side effects yet, but we will see.  As I was recovering well, I proceeded to the next step which is breast reconstruction.  I chose the Tissue Expander option and had that surgery in April 2019.  Recovery this time seemed a little more difficulta and of cource I had drains again so that was not a good part, but thankful they came out in 2 weeks.  I ended up having 6 fillings over the next 7 weeks, which was more painful than the recovery from the surgeries themselves, but thankfully the pain was usually just the day after a filling.  But, the last one, was the worst and lasted several days and I am just now starting to feel better.  I am now scheduled for the end of July 2019 for my exchange surgery where they will remove the tissue exapnders and place in the implants.  I am hopeful that the outcome will give me back some round breast, because I have been all kinds of shapes since my masectomy. 

These past 6 months or so have been quite a journey, one that I wish no one ever had to go through.  I am still thankful everyday that I did not have to chemotherapy or radiation and could see how that would have been way worse for me and I hurt for anyone that must go through that.  I have alot of faith and hope and a good support group of friends, family and my Church.  I have kept my belief that God had this all along for me no matter the outcome and I have tried to stay focused on Him and being positive.  I have tried to be more present with my family and enjoy those little moments more too.  But, at the same time I have alot of other feelings and some bad days.  Most days I still cry, but maybe not everyday anymore.  I do not like fear, but it is trying so hard to make me believe that the cancer is not really gone and could be lingering in another part of my body.  It makes me feel that I will not win this, although I know I already have.  I am a survivor!  Hugs to anyone dealing with this horrible disease. 

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