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Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4824
Joined: Jan 2013

I thought for a moment that Peter had been completely wiped off the forum, but alas, I see that he joined in October, so his initial posts have not been lost in cyber space.  

Obvioulsy, with his good news, we may see less and less of him. Its a hard forum at the best of times, and when you're doing well, its nice to put the forum behind you. 

Still, I hope he pops in now and again. He has a unique sense of humour and a great ability to entertain and support with his writing skills.  

Tru

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 878
Joined: Apr 2017

I often ask myself if hanging around the forum is good or bad?  If I were a stage 1 like Peter, I think I would sign off unless my condition worsened.  Personally, I think hanging around is good for me.  It helps me to see what other people are thinking, to occassionally pick up tips and perspectives that are helpful, and hopefully, on rare occassions, to offer help to others.  So whether Peter is still here or has moved on, I wish him the best.

Pamcakes
Posts: 86
Joined: Jan 2018

Well, I’ve never really received a warm response how I have from a few, but not many. that may deter  some as it would have me had I not been asking about my love!I would say, please do continue t leave Info. You give so much helpful InfO. Please Know just how much this forum is needed. As soon as Richard was  diagnosed I found this forum and it guided his life I. So many ways. Richard , the one diagnosed with stage 4, has no clue or interest about this forum, but he loves the help we’ve received. Richard knows I have a forum I talk to help. A place to ask random questions. Please all of you that contribute don’t let it end. Our family appreciates and needs all of your insight! Thank you

j always have typos because I am always working and taking care of my hubby...sorry I am not a 70’s baby and just white outted stuff! No white out on the phone! 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6179
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm just hanging around just to see if I'm able to help others.  Sure there are times I've left the board, at one time for 1 1/2 years, only checking in ocassionally.  It was a time my husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer and just months before that my 52 year old brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  This board just seemed too much for me so leaving was best as my heart was elsewhere.  But after my brother died and my husband recovered my mind kept coming back here to see if there was someone else that might need my experience or just a kind word.  So I'm still here - just hanging around Smile.

Kim

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 299
Joined: May 2018

Pete is great. I wish I were stage 1..... I would promptly dissapear and make cancer a history. Butt.

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 992
Joined: Aug 2013

This place is damn handy when you need it, for many reasons, but it can be frustrating and painful too, so I get people stepping back or moving on past a regular presence. The first thing most folks are looking for is hope, and a place to express their fears and concerns. I've noted that certain cancer blogs have little activity, even allowing for frequency of occurance,  like "brain cancer" or pancreatic cancer", and I assume it's because hope is much harder to find with some cancers. We have a wide spectrum of results here. I told myself early on that if I had an ultimately good set of results, I'd stick around to share that, but while we cheer each others milestones and good reports, sometimes it feels like repeating the same story is my celebrating in the face of other's misery. I know it isn't usually taken that way, but it's easy enough for me to have survivor guilt just on my wife's story alone. The information brought here is great, and I read every bit of studies and technical info. that shows up. I know in my heart that soon the breakthroughs are coming that will render this stuff into chronic conditions, and all who come here will have real hope and certainty, but until then it hurts to read of disease progression and what it's doing to people who's stories I know, who's pain and fears were mine too, at certain times. Staying connected is a meanful thing for me, but it does have it's price to pay, reading of brave, regular folks in pain, filled with fear that I can do little about, other then say, "Hey, I made it to this point, implying that they can too, when it's all so "up in the air" as to who catches a break and who just keeps fighting..............................................Dave

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 878
Joined: Apr 2017

Dave, I find the stories of survival inspirational. Please keep posting them, it gives hope to those who are facing challenges.  In truth, the setbacks people post are heartbreaking, but they are also a reminder of the mortality all of us face so concretely.  Having a community that understands is invaluable to me.

danker's picture
danker
Posts: 1182
Joined: Apr 2012

We should all Hope for the best!!  I was stage2/3 at age 77.  Soon to be 87,I've been NED for ten years.  It was a bumpy ride, but it can be beat!!   Hope for the best, and don't be afraid.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4824
Joined: Jan 2013

The forum was really hot and moving fast with many, many members. There were posts filled with great info, some contentious posts, with strong willed charachters butting heads. Members getting banned and worse still members passing away by the week.  

The forum has slowed down, and so have the deaths, or at least the deaths we are notified about.  

Many, many members found it very hard to stay with the forum when their friends were passing away. I wish they would come back, with all of their wisdom and knowledge. 

And of course, many who are NED WANT to leave the forum, as Butt said, leave it all behind like a bad dream. And there are some of us who WANT to stay and it is good both ways.  

I have several Facebook friends who are NED and no longer post to the forum. It warms my heart to see them posting on FB about their wonderful lives. 

Still, I like it when our NED friends pop back and hit off a 'I'm loving life' post 

Tru

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 878
Joined: Apr 2017

It seems like the computer crash has also hurt forum participation.  I thought CSN would give a little more explanation, but none has been forthcoming.  I am sure it is frustrating to recent members (Peter included) to lose the posts they have worked on so hard.  I have been trying to post a little more to fill the vacuum.  Hopefully things will return to "normal" soon.

Joan M's picture
Joan M
Posts: 374
Joined: Oct 2016

As for me, I find great hope in stories such as yours, Dave, Dan, and Sandia.  I haven't tried all the supplements that Sandia has and hope to add more to my health regime.

I have found alot of helpful information on this site and have tried to help others regardingthe treatments I've recieved and outcomes.  

Life gets busy and totally understand when people don't post for awhile or when they stop altogether. 

I look forward to the day when I can say I'm also NED! 

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 634
Joined: May 2013

and check in every now and then.i know when my husband was better I took a long break. It’s hard sometimes to see what could happen. I check in often to make sure everyone is ok so many of you I really care about. Right now I am in new puppy hell with addition of Abby a now 9 week old golden retriever to our family. It sure distracts you! Lol 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Tru that's how I remember that tale ...

Frankly I'm shocked to find out that I still haven't been banned from from this place. After all is was my long winded posts that broke this site in the first place. Although I usually make it a rule to avoid any club that would have me as a member - I'll always be a member here, because it's here that I found the support and the strength to fight cancer.
 
My beloved Harley died on January 31 and it's been a devastating loss, the avatar of me 70 pounds ago and Harley should dispel the ridiculous notion that owners look like their dogs. For although there is no denying that I am pure eye candy - it's easy to see Harley was the more handsome one, he was so dapper and debonair. So hearts have been heavy around here and like Hoke says in Driving Miss Daisy "we're doing the best we can" I made an online memorial to him in case anyone would like to stop by here's the link:
 
 

 Health wise, the good news is I've been keeping the weight off, despite what my surgeon told me - the not so good news is that the internal neuropathy we had feared may cause a problem, is causing a problem. I took a much needed break from seeing doctors but I'll need to make an appointment this week and get myself checked out. All of you are never far from my thoughts and my hope is always that everyone is well - Peter

 

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

So very sorry to hear of your loss.  Our furry friends are such an intricate part of our lives.  They return the love given them 100 fold.  They know when we need an extra amount of love and support.  I have had a number of these extended family members, both canine and feline, and each continues to hold a special place in my heart for all they gave to my life.

The tribute you posted is grand and lets those of us who never had a chance to met him, know the Harley you love.

May the tears you shed for him be replaced with a measure of happiness as you remember his time with you.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties ( and doggies too)

 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you so much for the kind words and for taking the time to read Harley's memorial, it was one the most  profound relationships of my life. He was an angel in a doggie suit he just didn't think I knew. All our beloved pets are and the ocean of grief we feel at their passing is a small admission fee for all we get in return. Like you I have a long list - too long, but they live in our hearts and I suppose that's how it should be.

Edward Albee wrote a beautiful poem "Samantha" about this very thing do you know it? If not or if you would like to read it again here's a link, and thanks again Marie, very much. Peter 

 http://aftertherainbowsend.com/post/17274511546/samantha-by-edward-albee

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4824
Joined: Jan 2013

Always happy to read your posts. Sad to hear about your beloved doggie friend, Harley.  Like humans, we know a the time will come, but knowing doesn't take away the hurt and the days of hoping they will come around the corner.

Internal neuropathy sounds awful.  This winter weather is playing havoc with my external Neuro, and I'm hoping weather doesn't effect yours. I am intrigued.  

At one appointment, my Rad Onc wanted to do yet another rectal exam, and when he told me to 'gown up', I actually shouted 'No!'. I didn't realize that I had shouted - the look of shock on his face was a treat thuogh - anyway, after a chat he wrote on my records 'Exam fatigue' and I bet that is what you are expereincing 'Doctor appointment fatigue'. We just want a break. 

Anyway, happy to see your post. 

Tru

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you for the kind words about Harley, for thinking of me and for starting this thread. It's a lovely gesture Tru, but you should know enough about me by now that I would have been happier with cash. Your right about loss and grief our hearts don't know or care if we're grieving for humans or doggies, they just know they're broken and if you ask me at the end of the day all that matters is the love and the loss of that love, that shattered the heart to begin with - whew now that was a long sentance.

I was as surprised as you by "internal neuropathy" because my only experiance with it, as you know with my feet, especially the right one. In fact it wasn't until I joined here and met Rob that I actually had the chance to get to know someone else whose case was as severe as mine,  there's a lot to be said for that misery loves company notion, it always helps to know you're not alone. Anyway the surgeon explained all the nerves throughout the entire body can be effected. It's the nerves that keep the colon moving in the wave like fashion that they do, neuropathy would stop that process and not to mention hurt like a ****** ***** sheesh even with cancer you can't talk like a sailor.  

I think they'll start me off with a colonoscopy so I already have a martini glass in the freezer, all ready for my Suprep and if you like I'll chill one up for you too. Thanks again you're a sweet kid, regardless of what they say. Peter

ellend
Posts: 83
Joined: Apr 2016

Peter,

My heart aches for you, I know how devastating it is to lose a beloved companion, but I know he was cared for and loved by the two of you. We lost our two older cats this year to kidney failure and we dread the day that we lose our dog, Lucy.

I'm glad to hear that you are generally doing well healthwise and I hope your internal neuropathy isn't causing serious problems and they can find a way around the problem. I understand wanting to take a break from doctors. As one of the nurses told me that I will most likely be "sick and tired of being sick and tired". Guess what, she was right. I am more fortunate than many on this board because I have been NED for a couple of years now, but the after effects of treatment have definitely taken their toll. I am also getting "scares". I have lumps in my thyroid that are most likely benign (they have been biopsied and that was something I hope no one here has to experience) but are yet another thing that needs to be checked on periodically.

Also happy to see your post,

Ellen

 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you so much, I don't know why but for some reason I thought I would handle it better but I find myself broken and mourning him terribly, I believe that when you love deeply your brain doesn't care if the loss is human, canine or feline you just move through the day and wait out the nights until that pain isn't as raw or sharp. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your cats, and am glad to know that Lucy is still with you - and I know that feeling of dread I truely do but I would say that the aftermath is unavoidable and it's the price - the price we pay for all we get in return, I hope you'll give her a giant hug aand kiss for me.

I would tell you not to worry about the bumps so, don't worry about the bumps just do as the Dr says and keep an eye on them - without even saying a word it sounds like an awful torture you had to endure but as long as these things keep you NED I'm thankful and happy for you - Peter

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 634
Joined: May 2013

I am so sorry about Harley, you think you will do better than you actually do. Trust me I know, I thought I would be ok my Max died in June. Wrong, I cry all the time, in pet stores, in the house, I can’t even say his name. He is the fourth dog have lost, each one of them takes  a piece of you when they go. Right now we are in puppy hell with our now 10 week old golden retriever Abby. I apparently like chaos since we got a boy lab mix in September. It’s crazy i Know!

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you so much, and thank you for reading his memorial and the lovely note, it helps. I'm sorry about Max and you're exactly right you think you're prepared or somehow in this ready state of being only to find out it's as far from the truth as can be. I think it's because for me anyway, that Harley was such a big part of me of who I was and he was the best of me I think - so much like you the water works happen anywhere and everywhere. I keep saying grief is like cancer in that the only way past it is through it - something I learned in this forum.

And a puppy! I just love this I do, and a golden no less, when I was growing up we had two goldens Dusty and Rebel they're wonderful with hearts the size of the ocean and I'm smiling thinking of how that delicious little puppy is driving you insane. All the crying, the whimpering, the house breaking, the failed housebreaking, the pooping the peeing - I'm talking about myself of course. Hope all is well with you guys and congrats on little Abby, please hug and smooch her for me. Peter

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 634
Joined: May 2013

saves her is how cute she is! The housebreaking is not going so well, she had a bladder infection so that complicated matters. My two older girls  ( Sophie is 14 and Ella is 10) do not like their new puppy sister and are not having it. Brady is almost too much energy for her, it’s just insane. The cats really hate her. I know someday it will calm down and its worth it. I start puppy class with her at the end of the month,I was hoping she would do well and maybe we could keep going and she could be a therapy dog at hospitals. We will see! I wish could attach a picture for you! 

I almost forgot good for you keeping that weight off!  I knew you would!

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

All the chaos sounds like paradise to me, are you crate training Abby? it's always worked well for me as I no longer pee or pooh on the carpet. The trick is once they do their business, heap on the huge praise, then immediately back to the crate, no play time outside! Not yet. Please don't be mad at me because I just explained crate training to someone who knows more about it than I do, I wouldn't like anyone telling me how to raise my kids either.

 When Abby's UI clears up which I hope is soon, it'll be so much easier - poor Abby I hope she feels better soon. I just love the sound of your household, all that craziness. How about I come and stay for a few months? I'll bring my accordion and drum set. Don't thank me, it's my pleasure and I'm on my way.
Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 634
Joined: May 2013

at night but during the day just put her out a lot. My house is insane! So many furry babies lol however my husband is at Yale right now he went yesterday with infected stents again. They just took him for an ercp, I am usually ok but feeling darn for sorry for myself this time around. You can come see my Abby or any of my other furry children any time! 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

The dogs are on to something, I think we all need a crate of our own. Your house sounds fabulous, the somber quiet here is grueling. I'm so sorry to hear your husband is back at Yale his stents seem an on going problem I hope it gets cleared up, he's in good hands I have an appointment there early March I hope I don't see you because you're both home and feeling fine, drunk with all that new puppy deliciousness - be good to yourself Ruth, you both aare in our thoughts, I would love to see how Abby is loving her first snow!!!

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 491
Joined: Jul 2016

So sorry for Harley’s passing, Peter. Losing a pet can be very hard. Harley was lucky to have you and Sean as parents.

im glad to see you posting again and hope they can help you with the internal neuropathy. I’ve never heard of that before but it doesn’t sound like much fun.  

Your online memorial is beautiful! 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you so much, knowing that you took the time to see Harley's memorial mmeans a great deal to me. You're spot on in that it's very difficult he really was one of the greatest joys of our life. I've missed everyone here but frankly I had been feeling so blue that I stayed away in case it was contagious, I could never leave this loony bin and wonderful folks like who - who still speak to me even after knowing I thought there was a stage eleven, remember?

I knew the risks of neuropathy in my intestines and I'm hoping this isn't the case and if it is maybe I'll be put back on Lyrica ( a med for neuropathy) which had worked well for me for a while but stopped but at this point it's just me guessing and trying not to diagnose myself on the internet and just get to my Dr instead - and don't think I've forgotten about Thanksgiving, we have a town to paint. 

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 491
Joined: Jul 2016

Stage eleven and thanksgiving.....how could I ever forget!  lol  Peter you are so special in how you remember things and answer to everyone individually! As always prayers being sent and i know they are given to you. Keep the faith!

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

I don't think I'm allowed to write the ones that would apply or I would get in trouble. However special does indeed apply to you. Sandy you are always so supportive and kind and I remember that maybe even a little bit moreso that you're not making fun of me for thinking there was a stage eleven. I'm keeping the faith most of the time and know my beloved Harley is now my gaurdian angel and I'll make sure he watches over you too.

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 491
Joined: Jul 2016

Thank you Peter. 

Kazenmax's picture
Kazenmax
Posts: 349
Joined: Feb 2016

Sorry for your loss. looks like Harley was a terrific mate. It’s amazing how much our dogs help us get through it. I lost my girl, Kaya, just before I was diagnosed. I felt as though I lost my right arm But I always thought it was better. She would have such a hard time with me being sick. She was a cattle dog, my walking buddy, my bestie. She wanted to be as close to me as possible. If I had to go on work travel she waited under my desk until I returned. She tolerated my husband. She herded my grandkids about the yard. She was a good girl and I miss her terribly.

we now have a mini schnauzer, Pip, and she’s my husbands dog and tolerates me. She’s very opinionated and let’s you know what she thinks And I love her!

its so wonderful to have such great memories of our beloved pets.

Sending my love

k

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Harley was the best of me and I really apppreciate your kind words. In turn, I'm so sorry about Kaya and I do understand, they're an extension of ourselves, our constant companions, their love is pure and without condition, their loyalty unwaivering and when we lose them the loss is so terribly painful. Pip sounds wonderful I adore Schnauzers and have known quite a few and am especially fond of the giant Schnauzers. I understand what you mean about her being your husbands dog, as Elvis is Seans and puts up with me, but that's how it goes and regardless I love him, Thanks so much Kaz and I hope all is well. Peter 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 878
Joined: Apr 2017

My sympathies on the loss of your good friend and companion, Harley.

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

I apprieciate it very much, I do - hope all is well with you, thank you again, Peter

Sestra17's picture
Sestra17
Posts: 42
Joined: Jan 2018

Oh Peter my heart is breaking for you. Our fur family is just as important as human family. When i lost my boy Orion to thymus cancer I felt like the ground had dropped. Thankfully I still had my Isobel pony. I hope your puppy can make you laugh like Harley did, it won't be the same, but can be just as special.

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Harley and I were joined at the hip for almost 15 years, it made walking and getting in and out of cars difficult ( yuk yuk) but it was worth it, he was worth it.

And yes, it does feel like the ground beneath me has given way. We don't have a puppy, although I long for one and the chance to raise another dog. In time, when it's the right time I know we'll look for a new puppy. I'm sorry you lost your Orion a great name for a great boy and I'm glad you have beautiful Isobel there with you, no doubt she's a huge source of joy and comfort. I think of you often, especially through this loss so thank you for the kind words and I hope you're doing well and feeling great. Peter

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 49
Joined: Jan 2019

I'm so sorry to hear about Harley.  Dogs are the best and it's so painful when they die.  When I had to go back on chemo for the second time I quit my job and got a puppy.  It was crazy house breaking him while feeling sick on chemo but it got me up off the couch and out for walks.  I enjoyed training him and he recently passed his therapy dog test.  We began visiting a rehab center yesterday.  It was very touching to see how many patients truly enjoyed our visits.

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Dogs really are the best, they heal us in so many ways - I love that you quit your job and got and got a puppy it's wonderful. Even more so that he's now a therapy dog and he'll be bringing so much joy and touching so many lives, I'm touched by you both and wishing you all the best, always.

lhduffer
Posts: 71
Joined: Oct 2015

I am so sorry to hear of Harley's passing.  I am sitting here in tears after viewing his memorial.  Our furry family members take such a big piece of us when they must leave.  The love and support they provide are irreplaceable.

I lost my "little girl" Madison (a 5 pound yorkie who thought she was as large as your beautiful Harley) as I was midway through my chemo (phase I of my treatment) in November 2015 and I still find myself in tears sometimes as I miss her so.  Luckily the laughing and smiling at memories are now more frequent than the tears.

May your memories provide you comfort. 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

You're so right, they take a part of us with them when they leave, and for those of us who know the great depth of this bond it's impossible to explain and there's much relife in not having to do so. I'm thankful for every moment I had with Harley and it still feels surreal and horrible. I loved reading about Madison, it seems little dogs think they're giants and giant dogs think they're lap dogs, in Harleys prime at 95 lbs his favorite place to lay down was me. After my surgery he kept me going so in this way I can understand your experiance with Madison and the great love and devotion you two had for eachother.

I think a part of us will always grieve, we learn to live with pain and it reminds us of how special that relationship was, your tears, like my own are a testiment to the love we shared with these angles in doggie suits, thank you again. Peter 

KarenMG's picture
KarenMG
Posts: 109
Joined: Jun 2017

Blessings to you after losing your precious Harley. I know that must have been so tough and still is. I'm assuming that you are doing wonderful, recovering fully from your surgery now.

I sure have missed you, good to see you here. Honestly I seldom come here and when I do it's in short little blurbs.

Take care!

Karen

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

I appreciate the kind words, it's a hard loss to endure. My recovery has been going alright, pretty smooth sailing I would say except for some recent complications but nothing I can't handle (or so he says) but I see the Dr this week and my surgeon the first week of March. Hope all is well with you and that you'll continue to stop in when the mood strikes you, thanks again - Peter

feckcancer
Posts: 90
Joined: Jun 2018

I am so sorry. love. xx

 

Peter_S's picture
Peter_S
Posts: 98
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you for taking the time to think of us and to post, it's appreciated - Peter

ellend
Posts: 83
Joined: Apr 2016

I know you are missing your beloved Harley. When I saw this link I thought of you and Harley.

https://www.unilad.co.uk/animals/rudy-the-chubby-bulldog-absolutely-smashes-agility-test/

 

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