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Just found out I dodged a bullet

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I went for my after surgery appointment today. It turns out they did find cancer in my small intestine. They removed it and took out 8 lymph nodes of which 0 had cancer. We had no idea it was there and, if I hadn't had the fistulas and the surgery we'd have probably never known until it was too late. I feel like I won the lottery. I feel so blessed. I am so very grateful.

I'm still tired from the surgery but he said he's surprised I'm not more tired because it was such a big surgery. It's been five weeks. So I guess I'm doing okay.

I am s happy to be alive!

Jan

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 858
Joined: Apr 2017

Sometimes good news comes in strange ways.  We are all glad you are alive as well.

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Aw, thank you! I'd call it a blessing in disguise. 

Jan

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1072
Joined: Feb 2015

Seemed to be a couple of hits for us older timers around here.  Like seeing some good news JJ. 

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thanks! Wuldn't it be wonderful if everyone got good news? When I get bad news I feel somehow more comfortable with it, like I almost deserve it. When it's good news I feel unworthy. What's wrong with my thinking?

Jan

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1072
Joined: Feb 2015

Somehow always bracing for bad news works.  And I have (or had) some of the guilt when I get good news.  Like having overall better dealing with my first round of chemo and good blood work.  Cancer really messes with you on so many levels.

But smile and enjoy this JJ.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1720
Joined: Nov 2001

That doesn't get mentioned with survival is that it sure helps when you have a slice of luck everynow and then. I'm glad you got lucky with the small intestine met. Wishing you continued good luck and health. Ron.

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thank you Ron! I'm on cloud 9!

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4781
Joined: Jan 2013

You certainly deserve the break - some good news.  Time to celebrate, I think.

Tru

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thanks Tru! I'm so used to bad news by now that it's really hit me. I'm so happy. I've had good news a couple of times now, I still can hardly believe it.

Jan

plsletitrain
Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

Gosh you've been through much but I'm so happy it was caught and removed.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6151
Joined: Feb 2009

That is great news.  I'm glad you had the fortunate fact to go in for one thing and get a great result because of it.  Wonderful.  Thank you for sharing that.

Kim

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2016

yaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....great news!

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 585
Joined: Dec 2017

So happy for you that they found it and took care of it. 

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 2088
Joined: Mar 2010

These little surprises keep coming up!

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thank you all! 

Jan

myAZmountain's picture
myAZmountain
Posts: 248
Joined: Apr 2018

So happy for you that they were able to remove the cancer!! Ihonestly feel that surgical removal has a better outcome than chemo but I know its not an option for everyone. Hope all the news you get from here on out is GOOD news!!! Same for everyone here!!!

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 624
Joined: May 2013

i am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, although I wish things could happen a lot easier for you!

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Thank you both! I still have the mets in my left lung but chemo will deal with that. I've had great success with the Panitumumab despite not having been able to finish a round yet. I'll be back on it in a few weeks, though, once I've fully recovered from the surgery. 

I feel like my cancer battle hasn't been too terrible. I've had odd things that most people rarely get but really, it's coming up on five years since diagnosis and I was able to work for a year and a half during that time and I'm still here. While I could never have anticipated how horrible it would be I also didn't imagine that five years out I'd be fairly normal. I'll never be what I was but it's okay. I'm here and I have had stage four cancer for a few years and I'm doing pretty well considering. I enjoy life for the main part. I don't ride my horse as much as I used to and I can't show him anymore but he's getting older, too, so that's okay. If I take it slow I can do many things that are hard to do.

In a weird way it's almost a relief to have it. It's the big boogeyman that everyone is scared of. I don't have to worry about getting it anymore. And my doctors are on top of it. The worst is over. I don't know if my feelings are strange or if anyone else feels this way. I feel like 'okay, now I know how I'll likely die'. I don't have to worry about getting really old and living in a nursing home not knowing my family and wearing a diaper. Or the aches and pains that come with being really old. Or the loneliness when all my friends are gone. People having to come and visit me out of a sense of duty because I'm not me anymore. To be honest, I like knowing that won't happen.

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4781
Joined: Jan 2013

I feel like my cancer battle hasn't been too terrible. 

You are one tenacious lady.   Having followed your ups and downs for the last four years, I am impressed that you can say that.  You have been through the ringer, as we would say in England. 

Your positive, strong will, will take you far.  Don't rule out old age quite yet; though I don't wish you to become decrepit in any shape or form. 

Tru

 

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I think it's like having a baby. After a while you kind of forget how awful being pregnant and giving birth is.

It's been horrible. I didn't know there were so many painful, unpleasant or downright embarassing things we could go through. I had no idea that they had so little control over pain as they do. I think I had PTSD for a while because of it. But at the same time, I'm here and alive and not in that bad of shape. My quality of life is not what I'd wish it would be but it could be a lot worse.

Thanks for your support Tru.

Jan

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 977
Joined: Aug 2013

More good news, glad things are rolling in the right direction for you, who deserves it more? Your philosophical take on old age has me smiling, once life has knocked you around a bit, you know your not as vulnerable or threatened by circumstance. It's also a plus that since they're monitoring us closely, few things can sneak up on us healthwise, like the regular folk. Mostly your positive take on maybe missing out on the more negative aspects of aging and loss had me singing an old Cat Steven's song 'Moonshadow". If you get a chance to hear it or read the lyrics, you'll know why. Hang tough, lady you inspire......................Dave.

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I love Cat Stevens! Or whatever he's called now... But I'll look up the lyrics anyway Dave, thanks!

Jan

BRHMichigan's picture
BRHMichigan
Posts: 368
Joined: Jul 2017

Of course you deserve good news! I wish & pray for good news for every single one of us. My husband and I often feel we're living in a nightmare, just waiting to wake up. It's so hard to keep fighting some days. But you are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Aw, thank you. I'm just determined to not let this take away any more of my life than it already has. As long as I'm here I want to enjoy things and not spend a single day sad. Of course, I have no choice sometimes. But, if I can, I want to always be as positive as possible. Everyone dies eventually, we're just unfortunate to know what it most likely will be from. People die every day from all kinds of things and some is pretty ugly.

Can you imagine how awful it would be if everyone knew what would eventually kill them? People trying to ignore the fact that they're going to die in the next several years in a car accident, or skiing, or swimming, or choking on a piece of chicken, or tripping down their own front steps and hitting their head, or drinking too much and choking to death on their own vomit, there are so many ways. But if everyone knew what it would be ahead of time life would not be the same. Everyone would live obsessed about it and scared to enjoy life. 

And enjoying life is one thing I will not allow cancer to take away from me until I have no choice. I don't want it to have any control over me if I can help it.

Sorry for rambling, I guess I'm just trying to understand why I'm not more upset about it than maybe I should be. And I'm not one of those little miss sunshine people that sees the good in everyone and everything. I'd love to wake up one morning and find out it was all a nightmare. One of my favourite sayings is "I hope, or I could not live" HG Wells. Maybe that sums it up.

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4781
Joined: Jan 2013

And so true, so very, very true. 

While we are able, let us live. Live life every single day and every single moment. 

Of course, some here, are struggling, suffering, and we have all been there and the joy is sucked out, the sturggle is hard; but for those who can, lets live. 

Tru

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