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We deserve a laugh today.

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 3181
Joined: Jan 2010
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
‘If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
‘Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
 
Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 478
Joined: Jul 2016

lol.....good one!

stub1969's picture
stub1969
Posts: 768
Joined: Jul 2016

But all I can do is cringe.

Stub

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1904
Joined: Mar 2014

LOL, now I'm really going to wonder when I go to a restaurant.

Retcenturion's picture
Retcenturion
Posts: 240
Joined: Mar 2017

Thank you Iceman! Chop Sticks anyone????

Cybball
Posts: 109
Joined: Nov 2017

Thanks for sharing.  That made me laugh, which is always good.  

Oneshot's picture
Oneshot
Posts: 149
Joined: Jul 2009

Good One!

Skeeter21i's picture
Skeeter21i
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2018

Made me laugh! Thx!

Oneshot's picture
Oneshot
Posts: 149
Joined: Jul 2009

 

 


Well, A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her  about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the
greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones   from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ).  So that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw Because he's just.......

Are you ready for this? Are you sure?

OK! Here it is!

 


A COMMONTATER

JoeyZ's picture
JoeyZ
Posts: 191
Joined: Mar 2018

LOL! All good ones. Commontater.....LOL. Yes, we do still need to have fun and laughter in our lives. Thank you, Iceman and the others!

JoeyZ's picture
JoeyZ
Posts: 191
Joined: Mar 2018

Oops. Got a little trigger happy there....so to get rid of the duplicate, I have to add a joke!!

1. Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

*Because it's pointless.

 

2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

*Because he was outstanding in his field.

 

3. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

 

4. How did the Scotsman find the sheep in the field?

*Satisfying.

 

5. What do you call someone who's mad because they don't have any bread?

* Lack toast intolerant.

 

6. What do you call the Security guards outside of Samsung?

* The guardians of the galaxy!

 

7. Always trust people who like big butts.

They cannot lie!

 

Ok, ok, I've paid my penance for double posting. LOL. I'm sitting here trying not to laugh out loud and wake hubbie at 5:30 am. Enjoying some great coffee and good music and hoping for a really good day. I surely do wish the same for each one of you.

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 3181
Joined: Jan 2010

 

THE WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' 
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part............ :

Only when he's had too much to drink!

 

icemantoo

Deanie0916
Posts: 234
Joined: Nov 2016

Much needed!

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