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To our fellow caregiver - Catholic

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

"Please tell me my future" 

Catholic -

The question in your reply/post on July 3rd touched me so deeply I felt the need to share my vision of your future - It is only my vision so take what you may from this...........

You will live a life of no regrets. Understanding that you did the very best you possibly could given the circumstances you found yourself in and given the limited knowledge that was available to you at the time. 

There will be levels of compassion and forgiveness - for both yourself and others - that you didn't even know were possible.

You will find humbleness inside of your strength and a deep knowing of which one should be used at any given moment.

Priorities and relationships will shift and no outside opinion or advice will be as important as what your heart has to say.   

Treasures will be found inside of the pain. Knowing yourself deeply and opening the door to let others discover the true you.

All of these things will serve as a role model for your children so they will be able to craft a better future for their lives. They are blessed to have you as their father.

Love and peace to you and your family,

AnnaLeigh

 

Catholic's picture
Catholic
Posts: 86
Joined: May 2016

I appreciate the comments!  Wonderful comments.

Post-chemotherapy has not translated into wedded-bliss.  Its been 3 years since my wife finished chemotherapy and she has the
same bad-behavior now that she had before she was ever diagnosed with cancer.  She wont eat any meals with us ever.  Instead she
eats out and since I pay her credit card bill I can see she eats a lot of fast food.  She sleeps on the floor in the living room and the kids
and I sleep upstairs. She participates in nothing and knows nothing that the kids or I are doing.  Chemotherapy didnt change my wife
for the better; instead it made her sleep more during the day.  Her regular flashes of anger still exist.  

What changed the most is the kids.  My oldest is a spirited 12 year old. My middle child is 8 years old and my youngest is starting kindergarten
in the fall.  5 years ago I had a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 1-day old to take care and my wife lived in the basement 23+ hours a day.  5 years
later and my wife is still very distant but the kids are active, older and more aware of what's going on.  The kids see their mom regularly.  They get
up in the morning and go downstairs and they see her sleeping on the floor.  They come back in the afternoon and they see their mom getting up
and walking around.  There is a wierdness in our house; 4 of us talk and share meals and share stories about what we did during the day and one
among us leaves when we start eating or becomes enraged over nonsense.  

If my past is any indicator of my future, it would suggest that my future of more of the same.

 

 

feckcancer
Posts: 108
Joined: Jun 2018

she sounds terribly sad & depressed. Awful for you all.

a_oaklee
Posts: 462
Joined: Nov 2013

I like what you wrote Annaleigh.  It was lovely.  

I'm concerned for you Catholic.  Your wife sounds like she truly needs some psychological help, and if I had to guess, you've probably tried to get her mental-emotional help.  

I'm reflecting right now on what our responsibilities are to our loved ones and our marriage partners.  Does anyone here think that it may not be best to live together, and that it's still possible to honor your marriage vows without being under the same roof?  I wouldn't think less of a person if they needed to take care of themselves and have a happier environment for their children and find that peace by moving to a separate residence.  I think if a person continues to care for, help and love their spouse then you have been true to your vows.

Any thoughts on this fellow caregivers who are struggling with spouses?  

 

 

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