POST CHEMO/RADIATION-sex drive in men

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MJG1
MJG1 Member Posts: 137 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I'm just going to boldly throw this out there.  My husband and I had a healthy sex life before 17 weeks of chemo and 35 days of radiation to the head and neck.  He sees an endocronologist and is taking Clomiphine as it tells the brain to produce testestrone.  It has increased his testosterone levels to the 400s, but he still has zero sex drive.  His thyroid TSH numbers are as follows:

5/2/2017 0.07
5/24/2017 0.1
6/20/2017 1.29
7/20/2017 1.32

The first one was low the rest are in the normal range.  I'm trying to put this puzzle together and am really sruggling.  Sex drive embarrasses most people, but to me it's just a factor that has happened due to the stupid treatments.  Thank God for them.  But I sure would love to have the sexual part of our relationship return to normal without the need for a little pill.  Even with that, there is no sex drive.

He also has some other symptoms such as cold hands and feet, fatigue, loss of muscle mass..

You all can thank me for being brave enough to put this out there for helpful discussion.

Merry Christmas!

Margi

 

Comments

  • bebo12249
    bebo12249 Member Posts: 181 Member
    edited December 2017 #2
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    Chemo and rads take heavy

    Chemo and rads take heavy physical and emotional toll on the patient. For me sex was still important but took a very distant backseat after the thought of death, physical side effects including extreme fatigue, etc. Some people think the couple goes thur the treatment together . Well, to an extent but the truth is your husband has been thur a journey that you really can’t fully appreciate. Give it time, a lot of time. This will not likely resolve in the next 6 months and when starts to improve, it likely will be in small steps. . Bill

  • lorijeannj
    lorijeannj Member Posts: 56 Member
    #3
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    Thank you for touching upon

    Thank you for touching upon and sharing your experience.  I too had wondered about my husbands sex drive.  I knew it wasnt quite there but it is such a delicate subject I haven't talked about it yet with him.  I suppose the time will come and honestly, just glad he is around.  In due time, in due time.

  • AnotherSurvivor
    AnotherSurvivor Member Posts: 383 Member
    edited December 2017 #4
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    I wouldn't be uncomfortable

    I wouldn't be uncomfortable about asking about that here, it's a topic that comes up periodically.  Worst case is you get some bad puns (sort of like the last sentence), best case answer you are going to get, unfortunately, is It Depends.  So much of this messes with so many things that looking at thyroid and wondering about sex drive is probably not a bad line of thought.  Even in a 'good' recovery (which I am assured describes mine) it's a peaks and valleys, ups and downs, lows and highs trip.  That's on the good days, maybe good hours; bad days it just sucks.   Hubby's emotional state is probably in that range somewhere, independent of thyroid problems which may also be there.  You should probably set aside some time and spend an hour saying "it's not me, it's not me", because the view from my seat is my wife isn't the issue.

  • bebo12249
    bebo12249 Member Posts: 181 Member
    #5
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    AnotherSurvivor said:

    I wouldn't be uncomfortable

    I wouldn't be uncomfortable about asking about that here, it's a topic that comes up periodically.  Worst case is you get some bad puns (sort of like the last sentence), best case answer you are going to get, unfortunately, is It Depends.  So much of this messes with so many things that looking at thyroid and wondering about sex drive is probably not a bad line of thought.  Even in a 'good' recovery (which I am assured describes mine) it's a peaks and valleys, ups and downs, lows and highs trip.  That's on the good days, maybe good hours; bad days it just sucks.   Hubby's emotional state is probably in that range somewhere, independent of thyroid problems which may also be there.  You should probably set aside some time and spend an hour saying "it's not me, it's not me", because the view from my seat is my wife isn't the issue.

    Absolutely, this is not about

    Absolutely, this is not about the wife at all!! She has not suddenly become an issue. 

  • MJG1
    MJG1 Member Posts: 137 Member
    #6
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    Thanks all

    Yes, I know it has nothing to do with me or our relationship.  I know it's the wicked treatments and have never known of others to share the issues post treatment related to sex drive or the lack thereof.  I think it is SO important to be open and honest, but most people are just too embarrassed to talk about it. My husband is one year past his last treatment and I know it takes years to get past treatments. Even Drs. seem surprised when we bring up the topic even though their questionaires ask about sex drive.  He has an appointment in a month or so for a recheck of the thyroid.

  • MJG1
    MJG1 Member Posts: 137 Member
    #7
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    lorijeannj said:

    Thank you for touching upon

    Thank you for touching upon and sharing your experience.  I too had wondered about my husbands sex drive.  I knew it wasnt quite there but it is such a delicate subject I haven't talked about it yet with him.  I suppose the time will come and honestly, just glad he is around.  In due time, in due time.

    Lorijeannj

    How long post-treatment is your husband?  Is his thyroid being monitored?

  • MJG1
    MJG1 Member Posts: 137 Member
    #8
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    bebo12249 said:

    Chemo and rads take heavy

    Chemo and rads take heavy physical and emotional toll on the patient. For me sex was still important but took a very distant backseat after the thought of death, physical side effects including extreme fatigue, etc. Some people think the couple goes thur the treatment together . Well, to an extent but the truth is your husband has been thur a journey that you really can’t fully appreciate. Give it time, a lot of time. This will not likely resolve in the next 6 months and when starts to improve, it likely will be in small steps. . Bill

    Chemo/rads toll

    Hi, Yes, I know it takes a huge toll on the mind and body.  I wasn't even considering sexual activity during or even shortly after treatments because we were only in survival mode.  I'm just happy to hear that others are in a similar situation and it helps me understand it's not just us. ;)

     

  • AnotherSurvivor
    AnotherSurvivor Member Posts: 383 Member
    edited December 2017 #9
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    I am a few days short of

    I am a few days short of logging one year post.  I spent part of this morning wishing for some consistency.  We talk new normal, but I am experiencing new normalS.   Never quite sure what things will taste like for the day, will my fibrosis in my jaw hurt or not, is today normal saliva, or do we live with thick and slick.  Lost two pounds over Xmas, of old I would celebrate doing that in the face of so much food, but now further weight loss seems ominous.  I've done the past year eating lots of salads, xmas was lots and lots of fats and proteins, which held no appeal, tho the kitchen was a center of joy for everyone else.  Good news is not all wine tastes like crap, bad news it's sort of impossible to know which, because something causes some, not all, to be really foul.   Last xmas was a bed in an ER, this year at kid's new house with family, so feel petty complaining.   Maybe next year is better.

  • CajunEagle
    CajunEagle Member Posts: 408
    #10
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    Sex drive

    After 8 years post treatment,  I have zero.....zilch......absolutely no sex drive.  I have a wonderful wife.

  • momall25ofu
    momall25ofu Member Posts: 81 Member
    #11
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    I'm grateful for these posts.

    I'm grateful for these posts.  When we found out my hubby has C ... and with him bleeding every time we had sex ... I was the one terrified of sex.  Scared of hurting him.  Scared of it being too much for him.  Fears ... everywhere right now, it seems.  Not knowing what to expect, I guess.  This forum has given me guidelines, remedies, examples, and HOPE.   CajunEagle, your statement helped me soooo much.  You may not need sex, but you need her.

  • OKCnative
    OKCnative Member Posts: 326 Member
    #12
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    Very thankful our sex drive

    Very thankful our sex drive remained in tact during and after treatment. I think my primary drive was to remain as “normal” in all ways during this speed bump in our lives.

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