How can I help my husband?

Hi, Charm

Welcome to this site.  As you probably have figured out by reading posts, the members on this forum are pretty special.  I'm sure you will get a lot of responses to your question.

Let me be the first to say that without the strength of my wife, I would have had a very hard time with diagnosis, surgery, and then recovery.  She was always positive and looked for the bright spots in this journey.  Many times she didn't say anything, but the comfort of her touch and her presence gave me strength.  Her encouragement prior to and after surgery helped during appointments and recovery.  Her humor lightened the mood and helped me smile when I was in pain.  She protected my privacy and allowed me to be alone when I needed and filtered visitors so that I could rest and gain back strength.  She was my taxi driver, meal getter, pillow fluffer, blanket tucker, middle of the night pain med deliverer, door holder, and appointment organizer.

I'm not sure if I directly answered your question or not, but I do know that I'm going to give my wife a hug tonight and thank her again for all she did and does.

Stub

Been there, done that

Sorry hubby is in this very select organization, and you, too.

Don't worry, the hospital will take care of his needs while he's there.  Part of your job then is to spend time being nearby.  He will find it difficult to even reach out for a glass of water at first.  That will get better after a day or so.  After the nurse has gotten him up to walk for the first time, he will start to need to take several short walks a day.  You go with him so he has someone to hold his arm.  His legs will feel wobbly at first.  Once the effects of the anesthesia have passed, he'll start to feel better.  Without complications, he should be out in about 3 days (+ or -).

At home:  recliner chair or couch if possible, plenty of water or non-carbonated drinks available, easily digestible foods-noodle soup, bananas, yougurt, rice, baked potatoes, oranges, etc..  The colon takes a while to get back to life and functioning effeciently-lots of vegetable roughage or heavy and/or fatty proteins can cause dumping---constipation and/or diarrhea.

Bathing: we already had a hand held shower wand and a shower stool, but those are nice.  It can be fatiguing just standing upright to shower and it feels sooo good just to sit in the warm rain.  Hot water on the incision can cause itching, so have him finish off with cooler water.

Sleeping: He may want to sleep in a recliner the first few nights home, as he can get out of the chair more easily to go to the bathroom.  My bed was too high, and I had to make a step stool out of an upside down beverage crate with a couple of towels over the bottom.  Gut muscles will be weak so lifting his legs into and out of bed may be difficult.  It will improve.  Pain pills work-don't allow the pain to get too severe, as it takes longer to bring the level back to neutral.  But try to wean off them as soon as possible as they are constipating.

Ice packs with a towel can help with inflammation, but not directly against the skin or you can get freezer burn.  Others have suggested wearing wrap-around back brace girdles, but my incision was so long that I didn't want anything touching me and that tight.  Of course, comfortable clothes-t shirts or sweats are the order of the day.

Visitors should bring in a meal to serve everyone in the family and then LEAVE.  Entertaining guests, even relatives, is tiring to both of you.  Regretfully, some don't recognize signs that they should be leaving ASAP, so you may need to suggest hubby needs to take a nap.

And nap he will.  It can be boring to just sit and do nothing, so it's easier to close and rest your eyes.  Sometimes sleep just happens.

I'm sure others will see I may have missed something.  Most of all, he should pace himself.  After maybe 5-7 days there will be the break through and he'll feel so much better from having had the surgery.  But the body is not healed from all the incisions, exploration, and effects of medications for at least 6 weeks.  A rule of thumb is that for every day you are laid off from exercise/doing normal daily routines, etc., it takes 3 days to gain back what you've lost. (think an athlete or even a runner).  If you are down a week, it takes another 3 weeks to get back how you were a month ago.

Don't hesitate to come on here and ask questions.  We're here to help the "newbies."

All luck and hugs,

donna_lee

A lot has been covered

But I would strongly suggest getting one of those velcro lumbar supports.  Kind of helps when he's trying to get upright and walking, etc.  That helped me a lot, as well as using a pillow to splint those sore abs when coughing or sneezing.  Another poster will mention using dry ice with the lumbar support.  I wasn't aware of that when I had my surgery or I would have tried it.  I had a robotic partial and didn't have much in the way of pain, but everyone is different.  If he's having a lot of pain just try to stay ahead of it with meds.  And make sure he uses the incentive spirometer.  Ideally, he should use it about 10 breaths per hour when awake.  Especially the first few days or until he's up & walking around consistently.  Between the anesthesia, pain meds and pain in general we tend to breathe more shallow than whats good for our lungs.  The last thing he'll need is pneumonia setting in.

Best wishes.  I'll be praying for you both,

Donna~

Journal

Sorry you both are going through this.  My husband was in a fog for quite awhile.....I kept a journal for meds, when they were given and how much, ( It's sometimes hard to remember)  also, side effects, Pain (where, and if the meds helped), scan appointments, doctor appointments.  Keep some sweets in the house....as a former hospice nurse and now helping my husband navigate this, it is a fact that patients develop a sweet tooth even if they have never had one before.  I bake several times a week.

Quiet time together.....we have a lovely supportive family...they are wonderful (kids, grandchildren and parents), but have found that we are turning inward toward each other more.  We simply sit together, we talk if we want-or not.  this has become very special for us both.

Everyone else has already gone through the rest : )     this is an amazing resource with wonderful people who have some great advice.

Good luck to you both

Hi, Charmays,

Others have already encouraged you to take care of yourself also. Forough said it well: "You are a caregiver and for being able to do your job you need to be healthy and energized." Try your best to get enough sleep, stay hydrated and nourished, and do something to help you de-stress or decompress when you're awake. Hospital cafeterias have a lot of comfort food but you can also find healthy options. Stuff to keep with you: water bottle, paper & pen, watch or phone with clock, and some light activity (phone games, knitting, reading, whatever) to keep you busy when you're just sitting around waiting for the next thing to happen.

I'm sending good thoughts to you both. They are orange like monarch butterflies or marigolds, but feel free to visualize something else if that works better for you.

Just be there

Hubby is going to be weak and out of it at first. He will let you know when he needs you.

 

 

Icemantoo

Another Spouse said:

one more thought

A few more thoughts. [If not helpful, ignore them. :-)  ]

If something seems odd to you, it's okay to pose questions to the doctors or ask them to repeat something, especially if it affects your husband's comfort. (My experience was seeing a post-surgery patient get caught in the catch-22 of "can't eat until bowels resume functioning, but bowels have nothing to do if there's no food being consumed." This was solved by feeding the patient--finally--after the family advocated for the patient to resume a normal diet.)

I'm not trying to criticize your medical team or to practice medicine without a licence; I just want to help you feel comfortable asking questions and advocating. Every patient and family have their own experiences. Feel free to ignore any comments (from anyone) if they are not helpful suggestions.

Some hospitals may have a "family concierge" or "family service coordinator" as well as a basic information desk. This may be helpful to you for finding hotel room / home service aides. Also some hospital parking garages may offer "bulk purchase discounts" or something to that effect to take the edge off the cost of daily parking.

Most hosptials also offer some sort of spiritual or religious support* if patients express interest or indicate their religious affiliation. But there's no need to state a religious preference or connect with a clergyperson if you're not interested. Some hospitals have a space designated as a chapel, and/or a schedule for services. In my experience, the clergy serving a specific religion will introduce themselves to all patients who self-identified as members of that religion--and will then follow the patient's lead re whether or not to have further contact.

Boy, do I ever agree with you

Boy, do I ever agree with you about asking questions.  It's your husband's body and it's both of your psyches that are going to be going through this.  If you're not sure of something, ask.  If you're not satisfied with the answer, ask for more information.  If you're concerned about something that's going to be done, don't do it until you have all the pertinent information you need to make sure you're both comfortable that it needs to get done.  I have found that most good doctors want their patients and their families to get involved in their own care.  They want the patients and the families to feel comfortable with what is being done to the patient's body.