Just venting

rhominator
rhominator Member Posts: 233 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

I've been on Votrient and NED for a two and half years.  During that time I've secured my dream job with NASA and have been enjoying life. 

My PET/CT scan last month showed some activity in a lymph node in my chest.  Now I've got tender auxililary lymph nodes under my arms.  Every new ache and pain gives me question.  I can deal with any news, good or bad.  But this in-between state is driving me nuts.

Sometimes I get tired of wearing my "everything's cool" game face. 

I know some of you will understand.  Thanks.

Comments

  • Footstomper
    Footstomper Member Posts: 1,237 Member
    #2
    Venting

    We all want to.

    Maybe we all need to.

    But we dont want to scare the newbies.

    No matter how well we deal with it ( and I've got a great game face) sometimes we need to vent

    After all, I think its agreed generally, that cancer is a bit of a bugger.

    Bugger!

  • Dutch1
    Dutch1 Member Posts: 152
    edited August 2016 #3
    However successful our scans

    However successful our scans might be, there is always the threat that the next one will be lousy.  I am also stage 4 (since Feb 2013) and have been doing pretty good of late.  Just got back from the doc's report on my latest quarterly scan.  It isn't "clear", but the small spots we're tracking were "stable".  I feel great.  I feel blessed.  But, as agreed to by the doc, things can turn at any time.  That dark cloud is always over all of us.  That is an ugly thing that cancer survivors have to deal with.  Most people don't understand.  Hold on to the game face as much as you can.  We all understand.  Use the board here to pop off.  Try not to worry about every ache.  I have done that, and it doesn't get you very far. 

     

  • foroughsh
    foroughsh Member Posts: 779 Member
    edited August 2016 #4
    I couldn't agree more,

    I couldn't agree more, sometimes it's not easy to have that game face. I'm happy that you came here to share your feelings with us. We're all here for you if you want us. I hope this new thing goes away and you remain NED for many years to come.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers

    Forough

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    #5
    "Sometimes I get tired of

    "Sometimes I get tired of wearing my "everything's cool" game face." Totally get it and also the worry over the in-between thing. Tender and/or swollen lymph nodes could be from anything and hopefully it's nothing serious. Are they following up on it?

  • Jan4you
    Jan4you Member Posts: 1,330 Member
    #6
    Well I, for one, am glad  you

    Well I, for one, am glad  you reached out to vent here!

    You will remain on my list of caring-connections, for hope and stamina to fight ANY news!

    A special hug is being sent to you!

    Jan

  • rhominator
    rhominator Member Posts: 233 Member
    #7
    Thanks

    Thanks folks for the encouraging words. I was sure I was expressing thoughts that would be shared/understood by many of us.

    BTW: My monthly oncologist checkup is this week.

  • mrou50
    mrou50 Member Posts: 389 Member
    #8
    Venting

    We all need to scream some times, and it is nice to do it hear where people know exactly how you feel. Stay positive and keep fighting.

    Mark

  • Sammie23
    Sammie23 Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2016 #9
    Venting

    Im very new as this is my second post. I also get tired of appearing as if all is alright when underneath Im as scared as hell.

    Sending Positive thoughts that this will be taken care of for you quickly.

    Just knowing that Im not in this alone and can talk to others is such a great help.

    I am so glad I stumbled upon this site. You all provide such inspiration and comfort. Thank you all for being there for those of us who are new to connecting with others. 

  • Airie
    Airie Member Posts: 45
    #10
    I had an ER visit yesterday.

    I had an ER visit yesterday. Sharp pains in right side with nausea vomiting. CT of lungs abdomen done. Lung nodules have multiplied and now there is a liver "mass". Waiting for oncologist office to call with appointment. It appears after 5 months Sutent is failing. I'm scared disappointed emotional... Feel so blessed though knowing many of you can share this feeling as you've been here several times. 

  • Footstomper
    Footstomper Member Posts: 1,237 Member
    edited August 2016 #11
    Airie said:

    I had an ER visit yesterday.

    I had an ER visit yesterday. Sharp pains in right side with nausea vomiting. CT of lungs abdomen done. Lung nodules have multiplied and now there is a liver "mass". Waiting for oncologist office to call with appointment. It appears after 5 months Sutent is failing. I'm scared disappointed emotional... Feel so blessed though knowing many of you can share this feeling as you've been here several times. 

    A kick in the teeth for sure

    But nothing you havent done before.  So you can deal with it easier than the first time. Each time seems to get easier. Let us know how you get on with your oncologist.

  • penitent
    penitent Member Posts: 79
    #12
    Certainly praying for you

    The hardest thing about hurrying up to see the oncologist is the wait.

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