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Lisa202
Lisa202 Member Posts: 7

I have been diagnoses with rare anal malanoma cancer.  They are going to start radiation as well as chemo to try to shrink the mass. After that they will do surgery.  If the mass still remains the same size because of the location they will do a radical surgery and I will have to have colstomy bag.  I am a 58 year old widow.  Is there life after cancer?  I mean what are my chances of finding any man who would be interested in dating me if I survive this?  I live in a small town and know very few single men as it is so how do you approach this subject.  I have been thinking about relocating to the Myrtle Beach area but this has kind of put that on hold.  I guess you can say I could use a support network.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.

 

Comments

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    Hi Lisa202

    Welcome to this group, however, I'm sorry for the diagnosis that has brought you here.  I hope that the chemo/radiation will shrink the tumor enough for successful surgery.  I can understand your fears about having to have a colostomy if that is not possible.  I do not have a colostomy, but there are some people on this site who do.  Perhaps they can give you more feedback on this.

    I also can understand your uncertainty about your quality of life post-treatment and surgery.  It is human nature to think ahead.  However, you have a lot ahead of you with treatment and surgery, which you must get through first.  If it were me, I would try to focus on that right now.  It will take most of your energy and strength.

    Is there life after cancer?  Absolutely!  Once you get through this rough patch, I hope you will be able to get your life back on track and make that move to the beach.  I wish you all the very best and hope you'll let us support you through this.  Take care.

    Martha

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    mp327 said:

    Hi Lisa202

    Welcome to this group, however, I'm sorry for the diagnosis that has brought you here.  I hope that the chemo/radiation will shrink the tumor enough for successful surgery.  I can understand your fears about having to have a colostomy if that is not possible.  I do not have a colostomy, but there are some people on this site who do.  Perhaps they can give you more feedback on this.

    I also can understand your uncertainty about your quality of life post-treatment and surgery.  It is human nature to think ahead.  However, you have a lot ahead of you with treatment and surgery, which you must get through first.  If it were me, I would try to focus on that right now.  It will take most of your energy and strength.

    Is there life after cancer?  Absolutely!  Once you get through this rough patch, I hope you will be able to get your life back on track and make that move to the beach.  I wish you all the very best and hope you'll let us support you through this.  Take care.

    Martha

    Dear Friend,

    I'm sorry for your diagnosis. I am a 51 year old male post rectal cancer with the colostomy. Happy to report that there is a great life after cancer. When we get the bad new our mind has a hard time processing it and has some weird ideas. Get through the treatment and hopefully everything will be fine. When you hav the surgery I suggest you have an extra procedure done when they take one of your abdominal muscles and fill up the space with it where the rectum used to be. This will give you better healing, looks and prevent your intestines sinking in the pelvis. 

    Living with colostomy is not easy but doable. I was married before single now and dating. Can be done.

    Keep coming back here or email me with questions.

    All the best,

    Laz

  • nicotianna
    nicotianna Member Posts: 209
    Dating

    Hi Lisa - My condolences regarding your diagnosis:(   Ask your oncologist to refer you to a rehab specialist for prevention of vaginal stenosis due to radiation.  Yuor radiology oncologist may also help.  This was not offered to me:(

    The recent successes, such as,  Jimmy Carter's melanoma, with immunotherapy are encouraging.  I hope that you will be offered Keytruda or a similar drug for a cure.

    You are going through a very rough time!  Being close to family & friends will be most helpful to you.

    Best wishes!

    Nic

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7
    mp327 said:

    Hi Lisa202

    Welcome to this group, however, I'm sorry for the diagnosis that has brought you here.  I hope that the chemo/radiation will shrink the tumor enough for successful surgery.  I can understand your fears about having to have a colostomy if that is not possible.  I do not have a colostomy, but there are some people on this site who do.  Perhaps they can give you more feedback on this.

    I also can understand your uncertainty about your quality of life post-treatment and surgery.  It is human nature to think ahead.  However, you have a lot ahead of you with treatment and surgery, which you must get through first.  If it were me, I would try to focus on that right now.  It will take most of your energy and strength.

    Is there life after cancer?  Absolutely!  Once you get through this rough patch, I hope you will be able to get your life back on track and make that move to the beach.  I wish you all the very best and hope you'll let us support you through this.  Take care.

    Martha

    Thank you

    Thank you so much, Martha for getting back with me.  I have 3 doctors working on this and not a one agrees on treatment.  I so far have been at this for over 2 months and hopefully Friday they will come up with a treatment plan.  The unknown scares me but the waiting is worse.  I have accepted the fact of having cancer but have no idea what I am facing. Having a colostomy really scares me because I don't know anyone who has one.  I don't have the support of family so this is something I am facing on my own.  My husband died in 2002 and I have no children.  I really appreciate your kindness and taking the time to answer my concerns.  Again from the bottom of my heart "Thank you".

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7
    edited June 2016 #6
    lp1964 said:

    Dear Friend,

    I'm sorry for your diagnosis. I am a 51 year old male post rectal cancer with the colostomy. Happy to report that there is a great life after cancer. When we get the bad new our mind has a hard time processing it and has some weird ideas. Get through the treatment and hopefully everything will be fine. When you hav the surgery I suggest you have an extra procedure done when they take one of your abdominal muscles and fill up the space with it where the rectum used to be. This will give you better healing, looks and prevent your intestines sinking in the pelvis. 

    Living with colostomy is not easy but doable. I was married before single now and dating. Can be done.

    Keep coming back here or email me with questions.

    All the best,

    Laz

    Thank you

    Thank you, Laz, for getting back with me.  Your input has given me hope because you have been where I am right now.  This so far has been nightmare as far as the doctors not deciding on the best treatment.  Hopefully this Friday they wll come up with one and start it.  I feel like my life is on hold, not that it was so exciting.  I have never known anyone with a colostomy before so I really don't know what one is or the effects it has on a person's life.  It sounds like you are doing well.  I more than likely will be emailing you because you have gave me hope with a positive attitude.  Thank you so much.

     

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7
    edited June 2016 #7

    Dating

    Hi Lisa - My condolences regarding your diagnosis:(   Ask your oncologist to refer you to a rehab specialist for prevention of vaginal stenosis due to radiation.  Yuor radiology oncologist may also help.  This was not offered to me:(

    The recent successes, such as,  Jimmy Carter's melanoma, with immunotherapy are encouraging.  I hope that you will be offered Keytruda or a similar drug for a cure.

    You are going through a very rough time!  Being close to family & friends will be most helpful to you.

    Best wishes!

    Nic

    Thank you

    Thank you, Nic, for replying to my questions.  I really had no one to ask these questions too.  I have no family left except my mom who is 83.  I try to shield her as much a possible.  Right now I am trying to digest everything.  The waiting for the doctors to decide on treatment is the worse.  I see 3 of them and none of them can agree.  Hopefully this Friday they will decide how to treat it.  The only thing they have agreed on is that I have a long road a head with treatment.  I appreciate you taking the time and getting back with me.  Having no support makes the whole thing harder.  Thank you again for taking the time to answer my questions and being giving mea positive input.

     

  • nicotianna
    nicotianna Member Posts: 209
    Lisa202 said:

    Thank you

    Thank you, Nic, for replying to my questions.  I really had no one to ask these questions too.  I have no family left except my mom who is 83.  I try to shield her as much a possible.  Right now I am trying to digest everything.  The waiting for the doctors to decide on treatment is the worse.  I see 3 of them and none of them can agree.  Hopefully this Friday they will decide how to treat it.  The only thing they have agreed on is that I have a long road a head with treatment.  I appreciate you taking the time and getting back with me.  Having no support makes the whole thing harder.  Thank you again for taking the time to answer my questions and being giving mea positive input.

     

    Thank you

    Lisa202- You are welcome!

    I am on another blog.  One of the bloggers reported about a melanoma anal ca survivor she knows through a ca survivor group.  This melanoma survivor had metastasis but reports being cured with Keytruda.  If you wish to contact this blogger contact me through CSN email.  I merely read the blogger's blog but you may want to pursue for more info.  I know your ca is very rare. 

    Nic

  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    edited June 2016 #9
    Lisa202

    Hi,

    I am so sorry you have found this new challenge in your life.....but in answer to your question about life after cancer, yes!!! While we are all different and so each react and recover in our own way, for me, I have been known to say that my life is better now than it was pre-cancer and the only way I would have got to this point is by the path I took!!

    I was dx and treated for anal cancer Stage 3b in 2011. I too had chemo/radiation and did end up with a colostomy. While the ostomy was intended to be temporary, severe radiation damage to that area made it permanent. There are several different ways to perform this surgery and some are less radical then others. I have what is called a loop ostomy and easier to reverse in the future if an option. This means I still have my anus and rectum, though they are "out of commission"....also quicker healing after surgery. There is a definate adjustment period to this lifestyle, yet at least for me, has not limited ANY of my previous activities once I became better informed. There are both online and in person support groups that I strongly recommend if you find this is a surgery you need as sharing tips with others in the same boat was most beneficial to me.

    A year after my anal cancer, I was dx with breast cancer (unrelated) and required a mastectomy....I had a double and went through yet another adjustment!

    Then, just last year, my initial cancer revisted with mets to my lung! It was contained in one lobe so had a thoracotomy to remove that section of my lung followed by aggressive chemo.

    While each of these situations proved difficult in the moment and during treatment.....I recovered each time with a new found outlook and strength. In between I chased (and continue to) grandkids around baseball fields and hockey rinks, attended beautiful weddings and fun events to celebrate family and friends, I went back to college at 55 years old and will graduate this December, I do volunteer work in my community,and have taken several fun vacations as I have made "enjoying my time in life" a top priority. I am physically active, swim, do light yoga, and while I am married and do not date, would feel comfortable doing so if was in that position. My husband himself is ill with issues related to a blood cancer and this has more of an effect on our intimate relations than my having an ostomy.

    You will find a comfort zone, and be able to handle your life ahead.....if nothing else than because you have no choice but to "handle it".....and we are here to help!

    For now, take first things first, and set yourself up to be strong during the chemo and radiation. It can seem brutal at times, but is short in comparrison to many other treatments and recovery does follow. Please stay in touch with any questions and feel free to pm me if you'd like.

    katheryn

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7
    eihtak said:

    Lisa202

    Hi,

    I am so sorry you have found this new challenge in your life.....but in answer to your question about life after cancer, yes!!! While we are all different and so each react and recover in our own way, for me, I have been known to say that my life is better now than it was pre-cancer and the only way I would have got to this point is by the path I took!!

    I was dx and treated for anal cancer Stage 3b in 2011. I too had chemo/radiation and did end up with a colostomy. While the ostomy was intended to be temporary, severe radiation damage to that area made it permanent. There are several different ways to perform this surgery and some are less radical then others. I have what is called a loop ostomy and easier to reverse in the future if an option. This means I still have my anus and rectum, though they are "out of commission"....also quicker healing after surgery. There is a definate adjustment period to this lifestyle, yet at least for me, has not limited ANY of my previous activities once I became better informed. There are both online and in person support groups that I strongly recommend if you find this is a surgery you need as sharing tips with others in the same boat was most beneficial to me.

    A year after my anal cancer, I was dx with breast cancer (unrelated) and required a mastectomy....I had a double and went through yet another adjustment!

    Then, just last year, my initial cancer revisted with mets to my lung! It was contained in one lobe so had a thoracotomy to remove that section of my lung followed by aggressive chemo.

    While each of these situations proved difficult in the moment and during treatment.....I recovered each time with a new found outlook and strength. In between I chased (and continue to) grandkids around baseball fields and hockey rinks, attended beautiful weddings and fun events to celebrate family and friends, I went back to college at 55 years old and will graduate this December, I do volunteer work in my community,and have taken several fun vacations as I have made "enjoying my time in life" a top priority. I am physically active, swim, do light yoga, and while I am married and do not date, would feel comfortable doing so if was in that position. My husband himself is ill with issues related to a blood cancer and this has more of an effect on our intimate relations than my having an ostomy.

    You will find a comfort zone, and be able to handle your life ahead.....if nothing else than because you have no choice but to "handle it".....and we are here to help!

    For now, take first things first, and set yourself up to be strong during the chemo and radiation. It can seem brutal at times, but is short in comparrison to many other treatments and recovery does follow. Please stay in touch with any questions and feel free to pm me if you'd like.

    katheryn

    Thank you

    Thank you, Katheryn.  Your message was very helpful.  I think it is the unknown that scares me.  I live alone and am facing this alone.  I have friends but they have their own lives to live.  I did not know where to turn for any support.  All of you have been really helpful by sharing your stories and giving me hope.  They really don't think the treatments will shrink the mass so I more than  likely will require drastic measures due to where the cancer is.  I guess I just you can say I had no where to turn to ask these questions and concerns.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding to me and sharing your story.  You are a true inspiration to someone like me facing the unknown.

  • horsepad
    horsepad Member Posts: 146 Member
    I am a 56 yr. old stage 4

    I am a 56 yr. old stage 4 cancer survivor celebrating 5 years of NED.  I became a widow during treatment.  I am also raising 2 grandchildren.  I never thought someone would be interested in me.  I felt like damaged goods, a big risk of dying.  Who'd wanna love that?  I have had two serious relationships and both men felt we all are at risk of dying any minute and having cancer didn't matter.  Neither did grandchildren :)  I agree get through treatment and heal.  You will find out you come out of treatment a much better person.

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7

    Thank you

    Lisa202- You are welcome!

    I am on another blog.  One of the bloggers reported about a melanoma anal ca survivor she knows through a ca survivor group.  This melanoma survivor had metastasis but reports being cured with Keytruda.  If you wish to contact this blogger contact me through CSN email.  I merely read the blogger's blog but you may want to pursue for more info.  I know your ca is very rare. 

    Nic

    Blog

    Thank you for contacting me, Nic!  I would love to contact the blogger because the doctor's I am seeing have never seen a case of it. They are working researching it.  I just had a port put in and will start radiation soon.  They through their research found two chemo drugs that they are going to try but as of yet I do not know the names of them.  I ended up having to be taken by ambulance from the local Walmart last Monday night due to bleeding in the bathroom and severe pain.  It was really embarrassing.  The ER doctor had no idea how to even treat me.  It was a disaster to say the least.  I really appreciate you getting back with me.  Hopefully this information can help me.

     

  • Lisa202
    Lisa202 Member Posts: 7
    horsepad said:

    I am a 56 yr. old stage 4

    I am a 56 yr. old stage 4 cancer survivor celebrating 5 years of NED.  I became a widow during treatment.  I am also raising 2 grandchildren.  I never thought someone would be interested in me.  I felt like damaged goods, a big risk of dying.  Who'd wanna love that?  I have had two serious relationships and both men felt we all are at risk of dying any minute and having cancer didn't matter.  Neither did grandchildren :)  I agree get through treatment and heal.  You will find out you come out of treatment a much better person.

    Thank you

    Thank you so much for your kind words.  I am 58 years old.  I have no children so I am facing this mostly on my own.  I am glad you found someone and you gave me hope that there is life after cancer.  I really feel like damaged goods and per the doctors the odds are not the best but I am trying to stay positive. You have given wonderful advice and made me realize that focusing on treatment should be my main concern.  Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my message.

  • nicotianna
    nicotianna Member Posts: 209
    Lisa202 said:

    Blog

    Thank you for contacting me, Nic!  I would love to contact the blogger because the doctor's I am seeing have never seen a case of it. They are working researching it.  I just had a port put in and will start radiation soon.  They through their research found two chemo drugs that they are going to try but as of yet I do not know the names of them.  I ended up having to be taken by ambulance from the local Walmart last Monday night due to bleeding in the bathroom and severe pain.  It was really embarrassing.  The ER doctor had no idea how to even treat me.  It was a disaster to say the least.  I really appreciate you getting back with me.  Hopefully this information can help me.

     

    Blog

    Lisa - l sent you an email.

    Nic